>>34334859
2
I do know that he likes playing League of Legends. He loves playing female characters and his favorite female characters for all video games are always goth skins. Guess who's not goth? Me. In fact, I'm what most would consider just extremely plain Jane. I don't really do make up. I don't really style my hair. I just wear jeans and t-shirts. I'm boring. How could he want me? But I'm not going to just dress up all nice and cute see for him. For what? So I can sit there and beg for his attention and validation? What's the point? But I'm not going to just dress up all nice and cute see for him. For what? So I can sit there and beg for his attention and validation? What's the point? I asked him for years what he actually wanted so that I could be that and I did the best that I reasonably could. I worked hard in the gym. I worked hard managing my diet as strictly as I possibly could to have as close to the right body type as possible. I can't fix hip dips. I can't make my tits grow two or three cup sizes without painful and expensive surgery but still carries really heavy risk and the burden that I'll have to get it redone every 10 years. I tried doing makeup. I'm just not good at it and I don't have any women in my life to teach me. What else am I supposed to do? If I get a new man I'm just going to be in the same position. He won't actually want me. He just wants someone to cook him meals to take to work and clean his bed and fold his laundry. Almost every single other relationship I ever had before was always the same, either it was very clear right off the start that I was second or third choice, or as soon as something better came along, they left me for that. I'm so tired of not feeling good enough, and at this point, what is genuinely the point of trying to change myself, that won't be good enough either. I already did so much change, and it still wasn't good enough.

Bump before I go to the store

Holy long thread i will try to go over everything you said, But mainly you sound to have some kind of personality disorder (i am not a psychiatrist nor a psychologist just interpreting)

What amazes me how little of self awareness you have almost none!
You can't seem to wrap your head around the fact people are their own selves, On the contrary you seem to shape yourself around everyone's desire which leads to these lashing and crashing out and the festering up hate towards everyone you know
Since your own brain realizes its not up to its full potential so it resents the ones that make you like this

Beside all of this blabbering you also sound like someone trying to go for gooner bait! Maybe you did this being unaware seeking attention from males and guys on here which is ! idk which word to use i will leave that up to you

Anyways your relation with you current bf or anyone for that matter won't work, You will only seek destructive behaviours either way with him or no
If you are committed and into him you should seek therapy and unload this to ur doctor to solve it as soon as possible
I wouldnt really recommend with your bf since it would stunt your growth BUT you shouldnt run to hoe yourself in exchange for the breakup

>What else am I supposed to do? If I get a new man I'm just going to be in the same position.
You are so desensitised its weird
You can't seem to actually know how to form bonds and relations thats why everyone leaves you
You are a stock for them (Since you also view them like this)
Work on yourself you are a fine piece for mental illness a person devoid of feelings

>either it was very clear right off the start that I was second or third choice
You lack contributes that make you human enough to be sacrificed for, You are very shallow and psychopathic
Fucked up childhood?

>I already did so much change, and it still wasn't good enough.
i dont doubt that but you seem incapable of change on your own i think that would be obvious, No?

Seek a therapist otherwise you won't get better on your own, You cant brute force your own into being better and forming connections

Instead fix any kind of unsolved load you have from your childhood
Being bullied unloving parents etc etc

Hope it get better for you anon
also let us know what you got from the store!

>>34335558
I can't seek a therapist for another few months, but I know that I need it. All of the advice and different psychology pages I read on defeating inferiority complexes and whatnot, just say, be nice to yourself, just like yourself. But it's very hard when it seems like it's never enough for anybody else. I understand that I should just like myself and be myself, but what's the point if I'm all alone? I don't want to be alone. I hate being alone. Personality wise, I mean yeah, I can have friends. I'm talking about just relationships, and it's always the physical. This isn't entirely in my head, either. I have been told as much that I'm second or third choice. I have directly been left for other women in the past, and they'll either tell me as much or immediately after dumping me. He's with exactly who he said I shouldn't worry about. They like my personality. They treat me like a friend, but at the end of the day, I'm not who they want for a lover. It's not that I'm unwilling either. Whatever laundry they want, I'll do it. Whatever kink they want, I'll try. I'll do my best. But it's not enough. For whatever reason, it's just not. I just want someone who actually likes me as I am. I'm really tired of trying to change and conform to what it is they want. I'm tired of the immediate drop in self-esteem and shame when I realize that I'm just trying to conform to what they want.
>what'd you get from the store?
Household restock on paper products, black drum (fish), fruit, a protein shake, an electrolyte drink, and alcohol.

Listening to one direction and you will be okay baby get prescribed Adderall

>>34334859
Alright what's this shit
>I'm so fucking tired. I'm so tired of feeling ugly, of not feeling good enough, of not feeling picked. I want to feel picked so badly, unfortunately for me, I am in an actual marriage. And I'd gotten so much better about this insecurity and inferiority. I'd gotten so much better that it was once in a blue moon that these feelings bubbled up to the surface and started poisoning my good moods. And every time, he would reassure me that they were just fears and everything was fine.
Woman detected

>But recently, I discovered a lot of pornography use. I discovered a lot of dating and hook-up apps. And even though he reassures me, he's in a sex addict program now.
A sex addict program? Lmao

>And this is just because he's an avoidant. I don't really feel that reassured all the time. I don't really feel reassured by the idea that he's a sexual avoidant, so it's just too scary to do it with me. Or that he really wasn't going outside of our marriage, it was just to jerk off. That's why he said no to sex for literal years. Because it was just too scary. I'm too intimidated. Yeah, right.
So he's avoidant... Except when it comes to other women? So in other words, he's just really goddamn repulsed by you? So repulsed that he's going to a sex addict program to prove that he's so repulsed by you that he has to attend a program designed for people who are so not repulsed by sex that they have no willpower to stop themselves from pursuing it...???

>I just don't feel good enough. I don't want him to pick me because I feel like it's just more lies. I feel like I'm just still being deceived. I don't want to be picked by someone else though because I don't want to go outside of our marriage and be a cheater myself.
You can just go outside of your marriage by... Ending the marriage...?

>>34335769
I don't use drugs, I don't like pop.

>>34335752
You didn't acknowledge anything i said, You are intentionally cherry picking wtv fits your narrative

Well anyways beside the funny cherry picking i told you that you sound like a psychopath (not diagnosing)
You seem to lack many foundational emotions and genuinely can't seem to know how to help yourself
Reading about something won't help you jack shit
You can learn and read about a color but you would never fully understand until you see it

I hope you can understand that chasing intimacy, fulfilment is volatile and wont lead to much
The problem is within the lack of self esteem, Your lost send of identity, the ache, the neediness
This doesn't have to do with anything beside your own self and the closest ones you know
Family, I would like a follow up on this! Do you live with them, still in contact?
Everything okay? Hopefully !

>I can't seek a therapist for another few months
Why?
I doubt its a valid reason but i'll give u the doubt of the benefit

>I read on defeating inferiority complexes and whatnot, be nice to yourself, just like yourself
For fuck sake You are NOT doing that
You aren't even trying to fake loving youself
This loving yourself bs is only in your head
everything you do equates and translates to hating yourself and not being able to trust and be whole and fulfilled with urself
In the next sentence you literally say this bs
>But it's very hard when it seems like it's never enough for anybody else.

This just means you love them more than you love yourself
you have to understand this isn't hot and desirable to them
To them you are some mindless, shallow, uncommitted person since you lack individuality
your "sacrifices, submissiveness, subservience, meekness" don't mean much to them since you just go with the tide

>I understand that I should just like myself and be myself, but what's the point if I'm all alone? I don't want to be alone.
This has to be a new low
You hate yourself thats why you can't bring yourself to be alone 1/2

>>34334867
>I am afraid that as soon as he gets some confidence, he's going to leave me for what he really wants. I don't look that different from his porn history on ex hamster. But that's the only site that I actually saw. I didn't see any matches or anything else on the hookup apps or dating apps. And I don't know if they're actually or any other websites or if they're with specialty anything else.
So he's "scared" of having sex with you whilst he masturbates furiously to xHamster vids, nice
He also uses hookup apps and dating apps whilst married lol why? Maybe set up a catfish dating profile and lure him in and get the receipts?

>I do know that he likes playing League of Legends. He loves playing female characters and his favorite female characters for all video games are always goth skins. Guess who's not goth? Me. In fact, I'm what most would consider just extremely plain Jane. I don't really do make up. I don't really style my hair. I just wear jeans and t-shirts. I'm boring. How could he want me? But I'm not going to just dress up all nice and cute see for him. For what? So I can sit there and beg for his attention and validation? What's the point?
Well it sounds like you're extremely desperate for his attention and validation so I don't see why you WOULDN'T go do that, you pick-me loser. You're ALREADY sitting there and begging for his attention and validation so doing all that shit would make a total of zero difference (except he might actually give you that shit you're so desperate for, also might not)

>>34335558
>Household restock on paper products, black drum (fish), fruit, a protein shake, an electrolyte drink, and alcohol.
Good haul what you planning to do with that fish

>>34335829
I mean, in their years old literature and psychiatric papers it is a real condition that can be helped, I'm just not sure I want to sit around for it. But I said I would at least wait for a few months of actual counseling with a specialist to have a professional opinion on our outlook. I don't want to trash the whole thing if we just need
>me in serious therapy
>him in serious therapy
>us in serious therapy
I mean realistically the separate therapy has to happen regardless of the union remaining intact. I can't do another relationship until I'm actually stable with myself I know that much. I just mean... As much as I so so so badly crave that validation I can't get it from him and I refuse to get it from someone else, as a cheater or if this is just fucked. It won't fix me.

>>34334867
>I asked him for years what he actually wanted so that I could be that and I did the best that I reasonably could. I worked hard in the gym. I worked hard managing my diet as strictly as I possibly could to have as close to the right body type as possible. I can't fix hip dips. I can't make my tits grow two or three cup sizes without painful and expensive surgery but still carries really heavy risk and the burden that I'll have to get it redone every 10 years. I tried doing makeup. I'm just not good at it and I don't have any women in my life to teach me. What else am I supposed to do?
So basically he hates what you are and pines for some generic bimbo and somehow you guys married each other for ?? What reason??

>If I get a new man I'm just going to be in the same position. He won't actually want me. He just wants someone to cook him meals to take to work and clean his bed and fold his laundry.
Hey some people are simples they don't want a lot and that's enough for them. Clearly what you mean is they DON'T "just" want that, they want that plus a sex doll I presume is what you missed in the equation, and you aren't feeling sexy enough to be the sex doll

>Almost every single other relationship I ever had before was always the same, either it was very clear right off the start that I was second or third choice, or as soon as something better came along, they left me for that. I'm so tired of not feeling good enough, and at this point, what is genuinely the point of trying to change myself, that won't be good enough either. I already did so much change, and it still wasn't good enough.
Yeah you should steer clear of people who make you feel like that. Try someone else

Someone who actually communicates what they want and don't want right off the bat
Stop leaving it up to chance
Tell em how it do be like and leave if they waver
Oh wait I forgot you're MARRIED, why are you married

>>34335835
No health insurance for a few months. Sorry text doesn't convey emotion, sorry I font convey the RIGHT emotions to YOU. Its my grief and anger, I feel extremely dehumanized so I'm less sympathetic to his plight I guess. Womp womp for him. I have extremely limited family if origin contact, they've always been volatile and hard to reach, always far away. What exactly makes me a shallow psychopath when men constantly reinforce nice is for friends and women are objects? I don't want to be an object, I resent I've allowed myself to be one and that the part of me who desires that affirmation still just wants to conform however possible.

>>34335839
Battered and fried fish
>>34335846
I... Thought he was different. He treated me differently. I thought he really truly loved me. All the recent discoveries are recent after YEARS of thinking I was so lucky to have someone value me the way he did. He just "didn't like sex". I thought we were on the same page, same paragraph, same sentence. Now I see with evidence I was wrong and my internal world is burning down

>>34335848
No need for violence i was making a point

>>34335548
>you sound to have some kind of personality disorder (i am not a psychiatrist nor a psychologist just interpreting)
DSM is fraud nobody has a "disorder" at most they have a "syndrome". HiTOP not perfect but still > DSM by a factor of a billion for not pathologizing and treating everything as binaries yes or no you have a disease or you don't
Why is this shit still the consensus ffs

>If you are committed and into him you should seek therapy and unload this to ur doctor to solve it as soon as possible
>I wouldnt really recommend with your bf since it would stunt your growth
Literal opposite. Confront your "bf", doctors are useless and for pussies who can't just solve the problem upfront and have to find some indirect extremely inefficient probably ultimately ineffective way of solving it

>>either it was very clear right off the start that I was second or third choice
>You lack contributes that make you human enough to be sacrificed for, You are very shallow and psychopathic
>Fucked up childhood?
Lmao you ironically sound much more psychopathic than op
How the fuck does OP feeling like second or third choice in her gut feeling and then having it confirmed once the dude monkeybranches making her the one who's "not human enough" "to be sacrificed for" like what the fuck. You're the one who's not treating OP like a human with, literally empirically validated, feelings

Cont..
>>34335876
>You are so desensitised its weird
>You can't seem to actually know how to form bonds and relations thats why everyone leaves you
>You are a stock for them (Since you also view them like this)
>Work on yourself you are a fine piece for mental illness a person devoid of feelings
OP clearly has a shit tonne of feelings, all very negative, how the fuck is this equivalent to "no" feelings, retard
Everyone leaves her because she was seen as third or fourth place as she correctly identified, how the fuck is that on her "not knowing how to form bonds and relations" it's equally the other party's fault viewing her as a cooking cleaning object

Holy DSMfags rope pls

>Seek a therapist otherwise you won't get better on your own, You cant brute force your own into being better and forming connections
Actually? You can. Just stop being a pussy and confront where confrontation would resolve a spike of "internalizing" you have

>Instead fix any kind of unsolved load you have from your childhood
>Being bullied unloving parents etc etc
Which you can do all without a therapist

>>34334859
Short direct answer: Couples counselling.

It seems obvious that there are communication problems here, and a little less obvious that he might innocently not realize that. Very often what looks like deliberate antagonism can just be incredible blindness and lack of self-awareness on his part. Put another way, he might simply not realize how unhappy you are and what he's doing to contribute to it.

This is the sort of thing that counsellors are actually pretty good at, if both parties acknowledge a problem and want to fix it.

>>34335853
He just sounds like a loser moid. Probably not ambitious enough to monkeybrnahc off to someone else and y'all already married so like. Should be pre dead set

If you really want to solve it just tell him

You sadly won't make sense even if you life depended on
So stfu and Calm down

>So he's avoidant
This literal term is used in the fucking DSM5,HiTop you retarded fag, Not to mention its unironically a whole personality disorder
Not to mention i clearly stated that i was NOT diagnosing nor treating her
Literally chatting and interpreting shit
I am not getting paid nor i am holding a knife against her neck to listen to me
Stop being a white knight and just talk instead of being a weirdo

>So in other words, he's just really goddamn repulsed by you?
So now you diagnosed him and found out his secret, without needing to listen to him
Despite her even mentioning him hating the idea of sex itself
Wow

>Yeah you should steer clear of people who make you feel like that. Try someone else

Someone who actually communicates what they want and don't want right off the bat
Stop leaving it up to chance
Tell em how it do be like and leave if they waver
Oh wait I forgot you're MARRIED, why are you married
Wtf are you trying to say here, You keep blabbering and yapping inconsistent words with no point being made

>DSM is fraud nobody has a "disorder" at most they have a "syndrome".
You are literally some armchair therapist from reddit
You aren't who you think you are, You aren't here to treat her
You wont get paid for it, You didn't study for it
You are some goober on 4chan named "real ass" white knighting using every buzz word you know
How exactly would it matter for her if i used HiTop/DSM5 terms
When i clearly said im not diagnosing

>pussies who can't just solve the problem upfront and have to find some indirect extremely inefficient probably ultimately ineffective way of solving it
Do some self reflection
She is the pussy in question asking fags on 4chan therapist larpers for help
This is worse than asking a therapist

Thank you for being a dumbass

>Lmao you ironically sound much more psychopathic than op
I never diagnosed her, Nor used that term as a dig
Very mature of you

I literally mentioned it as a part of her comorbidity
since she never showed signs of regret or empathy or guilt and wanting to form real connections ( All reasonings are which is considered my own and hers if she wants to know)
But since you are some retarded fag diluting the thread with non sense bickering we have to do this

I can only interpret and i never mentioned what i thought her diagnoses was despite being able to throw the word (her personality disorder)
Cause that not my job and it's not my place


>You're the one who's not treating OP like a human when did she show signs of wanting to form real bonds with others
Whole thread she isn't able to self reflect and understand people are loved for being themselves
She has yet to mention a single real connection and value or sentiment to anything she knows
You are a fag thinking with his/her ass

What a really helpful thread for OP

>>34335877
>OP clearly has a shit tonne of feelings, all very negative, how the fuck is this equivalent to "no" feelings, retard
>Everyone leaves her because she was seen as third or fourth place as she correctly identified, how the fuck is that on her "not knowing how to form bonds and relations" it's equally the other party's fault viewing her as a cooking cleaning object
This has to be ragebait
A psychoapth like her (for the sake of the argument)
can have feeling but its only limited to her own well being, She can only show self centered feelings
She might lack empathy and other emotional feelings which leads to the shallow relations and her having to compensate by being overly subservient to gain attention, pride, excitement (a psychopathic need)

>You can. Just stop being a pussy and confront where confrontation would resolve a spike of """internalizing""" you have
Stop using buzzwords
She needs to confront herself as i mentioned before being overtly aggressive and confronting others wont solve shit

>>34335940
Holy triggered lol

It doesn't matter if the term is used in the DSM or not, the DSM is fundamentally dogshit in the way it pathologizes and binaries the human experience

No idea how that's even relevant to anything I said, I was arguing against the personality disorder labelling and not the "he's avoidant". I can say someone's avoidant without resorting to labelling them as completely diseased and reducing their entire way of being, agency and functioning to "avoidant personality disorder"

>So now you diagnosed him and found out his secret, without needing to listen to him
What's wrong with calling him out? I simply said what he is towards her, I didn't diagnose his entire personality towards everything with some idiotic disease label

>yapping inconsistent words
They're consistent if you read between the lines. Make everything clear from the start instead of leaving it to chance and "find" out something incompatible years down the line

>When i clearly said im not diagnosing
Because you're still pathologizing her and making her feel like she doesn't own her own feelings and that they're the "personality disorder" talking or some gay shit which is what the entire DSM model promotes?

>This is worse than asking a therapist
No it's actually better because she can get a consensus from multiple people instead of just some faggot with a degree and no actual experience of whatever the hell she's going through. And plus here I can tell her to stop being a pussy and go talk to her husband about this shit instead of fags like you or doctors or whomever

>>34335948
By saying you think she has *insert diagnostic label*, you are essentially "diagnosing" her whether you say you are or you aren't

And yes your line of thinking is more psychopathic than her's, why does she need to display "empathy" for people who tossed her to the side and displayed a total of zero empathy for her?

>she isn't able to self reflect and understand people are loved for being themselves
The fuck, all OP has done is self reflect INSTEAD of reflecting on the scum she encounters and criticizing them instead of herself. She's already been herself and been treated like dogshit for it. Obviously either she changes to conform to whatever mould the scum like or she finds someone else who likes whoever she is naturally
>She has yet to mention a single real connection and value or sentiment to anything she knows
Neither do any of the moids she encounters

>>34335954
>can have feeling but its only limited to her own well being, She can only show self centered feelings
Yeah wow you just described like 99% of humans, humans are self-centred what's new
>She might lack empathy and other emotional feelings which leads to the shallow relations and her having to compensate by being overly subservient to gain attention, pride, excitement (a psychopathic need)
Again
This is not "psychopathic" this is just low self esteem, immature humans bumbling around, a tale as old as time

You genuinely have some kind of mental and intellectual disability

>>34335954
>""internalizing""
How is internalizing a buzzword and the shit you slap like personality disorders not. She is internalizing, neurotically tying her brain in knots, that's an objective observation. Saying she lacks some human element and is less "human" than everyone else and feels "less" or her "feelings" aren't real, is not, and is obviously countered by her describing in pretty high detail her feelings in her posts

>>34335987
Resort to ad hominem? Guess you ran out of counters. Bye Felicia

>>34335948
I mean its 9pm so I'm just kinda reading the back and forth dipping my drink.

File: 1749316723981753.jpg (30 KB, 474x315)

30 KB JPG

The psychopath shows no shame How original

>>34336205
I mean the back n forth is interesting, I can't say I expected a big fight but such is 4Chan. But honestly, yeah I need therapy it doesn't tell me how normal or OK it is to stay after adultery or how normal it actually is to seek affirmations or what to do besides "seek therapy", or how TO talk with him

>>34336284
Just talk TO him you pussy faggot femoid
Anything is better than nothing and you'll eventually spill whatever beans you need to spill if you just TALK
And if you care so bad about what's "normal" then go look at the statistics instead of validation from random dumb cunts or faggot psychologist buffoons, normal doesn't mean good btw

>>34336205
Also newsflash you are more psychopathic than any of us lmao
It's inherently "psychopathic" to label others as "less human" or "less feeling" or "psychopaths"
That's a severely reductionist way of viewing humans
Ironic huh

>>34337892
Yeah, fair. I appreciate it real ass nigga

You chose to be in a relationship based in lies and deceivements. He's not the one for you and never was. Once you go back and find who is meant for you. Really depends on what is lost If you are accepted, like you would have been accepted before.