I just finished reading The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, & Love by Bell Hooks. The author’s observations seemed pretty accurate to me; I, too, believe our (white imperialistic capitalistic) patriarchal society has done us all a disservice. I also agree that a return to integrity, that is, the integration of all the parts of ourselves that make us human, not limiting ourselves only to that which is “feminine” or “masculine”, would be tremendously beneficial both individually and collectively.How to achieve that integrity (per the book) is largely vague. There are no action items or To-do lists that follow. As a man, I didn’t receive instructions in my life either. Also socialized within the same structures and systems, I had internalized a lot of maladaptive and arbitrary beliefs and shame around gender-based expectations too. I’ve been trying to unpack, critically inspect, and rebuild these beliefs into something that aligns with reality and my values using any resources available to me: decades of individual therapy (some group in there too), CBT, DBT, RO DBT, mindfulness, buying books or borrowing books from the library, watching lectures on YouTube, enabling deeper personal analysis via ChatGPT, etc., and then applying what I’ve learned IRL (i.e. I completed my self-assigned homework).I’m no Buddha here, but I’ve made enormous strides when I look back and see where I started. Of course, everyone is different, and it would be unreasonable to expect a one-size-fits-all solution. I’m interested to hear others’ thoughts on this topic and how everyone else is grappling with these issues. I imagine that the experiences of a person may be different enough that there might be an extra preceding layer that needs care as a foundation before it can be built upon. But I have no way of knowing without hearing from all my bros!
"Healing does not take place in isolation."this sentence hit me like a freaking truck, and i do agree. for a long time i have been trying to heal myself from what my asian parents taught me "don't cry, men aren't suppose to cry, you cannot be angry, hold the anger in. be a man you are suppose to be strong." the past few years i have been trying to heal myself from these and to learn that i am allowed to show emotions, but sometimes i just hit a high wall like how do i even break past this.i am BLESSED to have a male best friend who gave me a safe space to say out my emotions without holding back as i find myself unable to do the same for many of my male friends female friends even, it seems like alot of them are unsure or incabable of dealing with men showing emotions.i think i'm rambling now but i would like to thank you for this post as i now have a direction to move forward, definetly will read this book for my journey of healing.
lmao what kind of faggot reads anti white self help books?
Ooof, right in the feels. I was absolutely allowed to be sad, as long as I didn’t inconvenience anyone. As long as no one would notice. If someone could hear me crying, we had a problem.But we need other people to notice. We need each other to heal. Humans are such social creatures we all need other people.I’m glad you’ve got somewhere you feel safe opening up with! Sometimes, it only takes one person to enable us to learn how to start building safety for ourselves. Eventually, you may be in a place where you can be that godsend friend to others. In the meantime, be kind to yourself!There’s a book I read last year by Tara Brach called 'Radical Compassion' that I liked which may be relevant (I borrowed the e-book from the library). I was surprised by how useful I found it, particularly her activity “RAIN”, which is essentially:-Recognize what you are feeling emotionally. Anger? Beneath anger is usually pain. What emotion are you feeling at the root?-Accept that is how you are feeling in that moment. Recognize that is a valid emotional response given what you have experienced, and while it will not endure forever, it needs your attention and care now.-Investigate where you feel it in your body. Pull a U-turn from thinking about emotions and check on your physical sensations inside the body. Tight chest? Are you holding your breath? Choking sensation in your throat? Is there something you need to say? Something you’ve been holding in? Tears? What did you find?-Nurture that unmet need. Following the above example: Say it, scream, or cry, whatever you needed. Fold your hands over your heart and breathe into your chest. Exhale more slowly and for longer than you inhale. Comfort yourself.Building up abilities like self-awareness, distress tolerance and self-compassion greatly improves interpersonal relationships. Also it’s easier to actively listen to other people with compassion when I’m not overwhelmed by my own emotional dysregulation.
Stop typing like a redditor. The sentiment of healing and emotional regulation is great just don't be such a sappy faggot about it
Look, responsible guys actually know how to call themselves out. If more dudes did that, they wouldn’t get all butthurt when someone (especially a woman they care about) points out their screw-ups. Being able to admit when you mess up? That’s what makes you solid. Say sorry, fix it, move on. And yeah, if someone hurts you, being able to forgive is part of not being a perfectionist and accepting that you’re not invincible.But here’s the thing: criticism only works if it’s mixed with some positive vibes. Giving props is like emotional fuel. Guys who are hurt usually can’t even say anything nice.If men want to get their shit together, they gotta lead by example and actually do the hard work of healing. Doesn’t matter who they’re into, most start by looking back at their childhood and figuring out what they learned about being “a man” and how they swallowed a lot of crap feelings because others didn’t like it. Knowing where your issues come from is step one to fixing yourself.And honestly, a lot of gay guys who’ve ditched old-school macho crap, often called “feminine” just because they’re in touch with their feelings, have been killing it in this healing game. Straight guys and the old-school macho crowd could learn a lot from them.
>>34336105Kill yourself
>>34336204Words like that say more about you than they do about me.
lmao Everyone talks about being a “real man” like it’s some hard rulebook, tough, unemotional, dominant. But what if that’s just a cage? Real strength might be about owning your emotions, showing respect, and not feeling threatened by anything or anyone outside your comfort zone. Maybe the whole “man up” and “pride in nation” stuff is just a way to avoid dealing with what really makes us human
>>34336105I'm not even sure what the issue is in your post.
>>34336105>I, too, believe our (white imperialistic capitalistic) patriarchal society has done us all a disserviceStopped reading there. You deserve whatever bad thing is happening to you.
>>34337112Same. OP is too deep into the psi-op to realize the brainwashing. Probably majors in liberal arts or something and ready this as part of their agenda. Either that or OP is trollbating us. Should have gone posted on reddit for the upvotes lolOP, do yourself and everyone a favor, actually contribute something meaningful to society. Pick up a trade, work in construction, learn coding, anything...
