my sister was my best and only friend for most of my life. our life has not been kind or easy but we had each other. when i was ten and she was fourteen, she stared pushing me away, wanting more distance. when she was nineteen and i was sixteen she went to europe on a trip and never came back. she texts me sometimes, but its been so much distance ever since. i can get into details of our relationship, but the point is, i dont think ive ever gotten past this. i look for her in everyone. every friend, every relationship. i was her little sidekick. i love being a sidekick. i love being helpful and being needed and taken care of in some way. nobody really fills the hole, nobody wants a sidekick. i try my best to have a spine and be my own 'captain' but its something i feel forever. its funny, it feels a little like how the cliche daddy issues go, but its my sister, and its not a fetishized thing, its just emotional. i dont know how to live my life like this. i forever feel like a little kid in a grocery store and nobody will hold my hand, and it makes me want to cry. has anyone else gone through this. what do we do with ourselves.
Be your own big sisterThen be someone else's big sisterUntil they're their own big sisterNow fuck
