I've been dating this girl for a year. She's an extremely nice person and goes above and beyond as a girlfriend, but I don't think I feel attracted to her anymore. She's such a great person, I don't want to hurt her. What's the best way to break it off in the nicest way possible?
>>34355056There's no way out of it without crushing her but the longer you wait the worse it will be. Be honest and don't drag it out.
>>34355066This is the truth I've been struggling with, but it's the only way. She's such a nice woman, it hurts me to have to do this to her. She deserves the respect of me doing it in person at the very least.
>>34355056Why aren’t you attracted to her anymore?
>>34355093I just don't feel it really and haven't for a few weeks now. I'm not sure why, I just don't. And it saddens me because she's a fantastic person who really is a great girlfriend, but I just don't feel that connection anymore. I don't want to lead her on either because that's not fair on her. The physical attraction isn't there for me anymore.
>>34355104I only ask because it’s easy to get lost in the chase. Now that you have her let me get something new and fun again. It’s a harmful cycle that’s easy to fall into.
>>34355114I'm not exactly that kind of guy in terms of being some Chad type. I know the kind of guy you're talking about. I'm definitely not that. I'm not exactly Henry Cavill, I'm a manlet.
>>34355056>I don't want to hurt her.There are two things you need to understand:1) You are going to hurt her very badly indeed.2) Anything you do to try to make it less bad will almost certainly end up making it worse.You just need to grit your teeth and do it.
>>34355104Just say, sorry you're too boring for me, I'm gonna have to stop dating you
>>34355151How do I do it in the least painful way possible? And is there a way to stay friend afterwards (not in the usual 'let's be friends' way, but in actuality).
>>34355157NtaThere is no least painful. Do it fast and be decisive. Don't keep texting her asking her how she's doing, don't agree to see her. Anything you do like that is just going to prolong the process not make it any easier for her. You might be able to be friends in the future. But not without a period of no contact or at least very low contact. You might be over it and want to be friends but she needs time to process first.
>>34355166>don't agree to see herI think she deserves to be told in person. I don't think it's fair to do it over text.
>>34355180I mean after the breakup you cut contactOf course you dump people in person
I was on and off again with a great girl for 4 years. I was always attracted to her physically but she felt more like a daughter than an equal companion. Been single for 6 months now with so sign of seeing another woman any time soonBeing ruthless is a burden to everyone except your future self. Don't fuck up, you got 1 life.
>>34355056>>She's an extremely nice person and goes above and beyond as a girlfriendRelationships take work. You don't just end it because it's no longer the honeymoon stage. She's a rarity, keep her. Marry her, even. Have children. I'm serious.
>>34355104>haven't for a few weeks nowThat's it?>>The physical attraction isn't there for me anymore.Now you know why people advocate to avoid premartial sex. It does just this - makes our men weaker. Instead of you marrying her and having children, you get bored. It's not entirely you whose to blame - that has been orchestrated that way, jammed into our culture.
>>34355361>Instead of you marrying her and having children, you get bored.I don't understand how waiting until marriage to have sex will possibly prevent you from getting bored.
>>34355056Can't you just get her to hit the treadmill with you?
>>34355409Of course not, but all you know is getting whatever you want whenever, and then wonder why you don't find pleasure anymore.
>>34355509>Of course not, but all you know is getting whatever you want wheneverYou're not making any sense. So because I have sex before marriage that means all I know is getting whatever I want whenever? Having sex before marriage is equivalent to not having to work for anything or having any impulse control? Do you actually think that or are you just being hysterical on purpose?>and then wonder why you don't find pleasure anymoreIts weird that you get so offended about me asking a simple question about your own opinion. How does waiting until marriage to have sex stop you from getting bored? I'm actually curious what your logic is.
Do you have a porn addiction op?
>>34355409>>34355529ntaI don't understand how>have a present>dont wait for day x to open it>open it right now because you are a greedy fuck and she is a greedy fuck and want it now>cant wait cant wait cant wait cant wait>open the present without any ritual, just a casual tuesday, all anticipatory excitement is gone, just.like.that.>time flies, the present isnt enticing anymore>wonder why >make this thread
>>34355056OP, you just finished the honeymoon phase and now entering deep relationship mode. You have to work on your relationship if you want it to grow. Ending a relationship just because you're bored is absolutely stupid. You'll regret that move in a few years when you'll realize most people are awful.
>>34355765Think he needs to learn this lesson in my opinion
>>34355056Feels like a question you ask chat gpt, and feels like this thread was made by LLM's for LLM's for engagement. We're no longer in that era when such basic questions are asked on the internet forums as if we're a bunch of strangers wading around in the dark. Also you barely provided any context what so ever, it reads like a prompt, it's a generic question, so here's my generic answer: It's tough buddy, we all go through such ups and downs in life, but don't despair - this is a normal part of life and a decision you feel strongly you must take, so do it respectfully for an amicable breakup. It's going to hurt, but both of you will be able to move on and find someone who you do find attractive. Chud
>>34355056you're an idiot and a moron and don't deserve a woman.fucking wish i could stab you through the screen.>im boredRETARD. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.
I remember when my ex of 5 years said she 'doesn't see herself with me anymore' and 'wishes she didn't love me'.Turns out she was fucking some Chad on the side, fell for him, and he gave her the boot the day after I found out about it and left.Stupid cunt, I wish she were fucking dead.
>>34356185What is it with exes of 5 years, I'm also fucked after my ex of 5 years cheated on me, except she left me for that guy sheet intentionally looking FOR a guy, moved to his country, and is still with him nearly 2 years later. It was a calculated play to shit all over me.So yeah, in short,I don't disagree with this guy >>34356156
>>34355157>How do I do it in the least painful way possible?You're not listening, dude. There is no "least painful" way, and anything you do to try and make it less painful will backfire and make things worse. Just tell her "I'm sorry, but I want us to stop seeing each other." End it quickly and cleanly. If she wants an explanation, shrug and say "There isn't anything wrong, I'm just not 'feeling it' any more."The kinds of things that will backfire include:- "Letting someone down gently", which actually means a period of anything up to several weeks during which the other person senses something is wrong, blames herself, and makes increasingly panicked efforts to "fix" whatever it is, only to eventually discover that he planned to dump her weeks ago and has been stringing her along all this time. (This is so much worse than a clean break).- Being too nice about it ("of course you'll always have a special place in my heart"). This leads the other person to waste the next several months thinking that there might still be a chance for the two of you to get back together.- Listing reasons why it's not working. (This will make the other person think that you can still be together if they promise to change).>And is there a way to stay friend afterwards (not in the usual 'let's be friends' way, but in actuality).This can happen, but it's quite rare, and it probably won't work if she's still hung up on you: being around you but not with you will be too painful for her. But once she's had a chance to process things a bit, it might work. There's no harm in asking her if it's possible, so long as you are very careful not to give her any hope that the two of you might get back together.
>>34355361>Now you know why people advocate to avoid premartial sexYou mean it's much better if you completely and permanently lose attraction to your wife one year into marriage?
>>34355747If you think that the first time you have sex is the only time that has any value, that's pretty fucking sad. A better analogy is that the two of you each get each other a new gift every single day for the rest of your lives, and each gift is better than the previous one; if that is happening, you don't devalue later gifts by starting the whole process early.
>>34355104>I just don't feel it really and haven't for a few weeks now. I'm not sure why, I just don't.If things have been going well for a year, and less well only for a few weeks, and you don't even know why, then breaking up seems awfully premature to me. What have you tried doing to fix this?
>>34356268>If you think thatwhere did i say that i think that? dont project what you think onto others. if op does not has the mental capacities to see the point, thats his problem.there is a special reason every single religion or philosophy values chastity and virginity. i wonder if you have any clue about that, there is deeper wisdom in that.>you don't devalue later gifts>every single dayyou devalue gifts by making them an everyday, non special, run off the mill, non-ritual and non-occasion, like you suggested.sex is a sacret secret ritual, but you probably have no idea, estimating by your simplistic and under-qualified profanities
I'm so close to contacting my ex gf I broke up with 6 months agoI put down my phone this week and she's always popping up in my head.I broke things off only because she didn't care about much and lacked curiosity most people have. No remarks about stuff. It was close to the level of>I like X>they did Y>Z is goodIt made me feel extremely isolated, knowing that id feel trapped in a deep hole with only this for companyOk maybe I should contact her....
>>34355747This still isn't a logical explanation of any kind. Even if I take your present opening analogy which is retarded because a relationship is a cooperative effort between two people not one person valuing an inanimate object - how would waiting until a specific day to open it prevent you from getting bored of it? The answer just keeps being "well, because" without any sort of coherent explanation. Sure, waiting might make the moment of opening more exciting because of the anticipation but then what? How is that going to make me value that present years and years in the future more than just opening it whenever? You're not making any sense.
>>34355056Dump her and get a new model, let some other cuck be stuck with the bill. Guaranteed there are ten guys ready to pump her full of cum and wage their life away for the sow.
>>34355104Oh, to put it simply. Youre a piece of shit.
This >>34356261 is the best advice you're going to get on the subject.My latest ex did literally all of this and it made what should have been 2 weeks of the worst of it into 3 months of that instead for no fucking reason other than he didn't have the balls to be the bad guy.If you want her not to hate you then don't do anything to try and get her not to hate you, it'll do the opposite.
>>34356454>where did i say that i think that?You said it when you compared having sex for the first time to opening a gift. That analogy only makes sense if you think that is is only the first time you have sex that has value. If you aren't claiming that then you're freely admitting that your analogy was invalid - which was actually my point.
>>34356454>there is a special reason every single religion or philosophy values chastity and virginity.Yes, it's because all religions are stupid, illogical, damaging, and false.
>>34356454>you devalue gifts by making them an everyday, non special, run off the mill, non-ritual and non-occasion, like you suggested.NTA, but now you *are* actually claiming that if a married couple have sex every day, this devalues sex, and thus it's only the first time that has value. So why were you bitching about the other guy pointing that out?
>>34355157>And is there a way to stay friend afterwardsSo it isn't good enough for you to break the relationship she has with you right now, but you also want to get in the way of any relationship she might have in the future?
>>34357279
>>34356454>every single religion or philosophy values chastity and virginityThis is absolute bullshit. There are many religions that don't value chastity. It's pretty much only the Abrahamic religions that do.
>>34357445Greco-Roman paganism, the Dharmic religions, and Confucianism also do. It doesn't always take exactly the same form (i.e. a centralized religion like Catholicism will look much different in its application of chastity than an essentially scholastic tradition like Confucianism), but the basic idea of placing heavy restrictions on sexuality, in one way or another, is extremely common in civilization, and it's not a big leap from there to making the specific value judgement that sexual exclusivity is also a worthy ideal, even in cultures where it's not something actively enforced.
>>34355056Same thing happened to me with a great girl who I dated for three months. It won't end well no matter what dude just rip the bandaid off
>>34355093men hate nice/good women. t. a lifelong evil bitch, now hag
>>34356454>you devalue gifts by making them an everyday, non special, run off the mill, non-ritual and non-occasionthat's actually called, you being an ungrateful spoiled piece of shit who takes everything for granted.
>>34361799> you being an ungrateful spoiled piece of shit who takes everything for granted.Absolutely wild that you sperg out over what you imagine of him despite what OP is openly talking about.
>>34355056>>34355104Before you let a good thing slip through your fingers, ask yourself this: Do you think you can find better?
>>34355104Sounds a lot like self sabotage to me
This is what having premarital sex does to your relationship.
>>34355104Did you have sex with her? Were you attracted then?If you're not physically attracted to her anymore, but were during sex before, and she looks the same. You are through what used to be called the "honeymoon phase". Sex was originally reserved for after marriage. Things would be really great because marriage and sex is a high. It sounds like you're simply through the phase where things are new and exciting with her. Nice good girlfriends are really hard to find these days, anon. Really think it through before you decide to end things. And if you're deciding to end things, don't be firm on that until after telling her you're feeling a physical disconnect. If she's really as nice as you say, she'll do what she can to help get the spark back.
>>34367724I forgot to mention that things after the initial sex are a low and that is where you are now. Things become familiar and comfortable, but that doesn't mean you won't get later highs.
