I'm very self aware of myself and how I am, And i'm not telling you this as an attempt to suck my dick, I want you to know that I tried everything, But I just can't, I always fall short and ruin my serious persona and start to joke and make fun of everything until I become ironic and never taken seriously, It fucking kills what I want to present and i can't even control it because the rewards from seeing people laugh makes me feel good and I also get bored easily, And It also fills the silence.Which means that it became an auto mechanism that is hard to detect or keep up with that It becomes weird.I just don't know how to subtract this fucking vermin, I'm okay with keeping it but I don't want it ruining my fucking persona, and making me look insecure whenever someone goes far away with their jokes.
>>34359141why would you want to merke yourself boring on purpose. being funny is a highly sought after quality. don't be retarded.
>>34359188It kills respect, And It makes you more prone to teasing and also it kills that sexual attractive trait.I don't want to not be funny, But I want to just control it because it just goes out of control and I lose my leverage and become the joke of the table and then my fucking serious persona clashes with the jester and I lose my authenticity, But it fucking doesn't matter, I just need to control it.
>>34359202I already told you to not be retarded. but you are writing retarded things now. stop it.
>>34359141I'm the same way OP. It's because I lost the ability to cry, so my coping mechanism for stress is laughter and impulsive humour. You don't need to try and change or remove this part of yourself, the more seriously you take life the harder the rules become. Your misery isn't stemming from your excessive humor, it comes from forcing yourself to be something that isn't you
>>34359646Excessive humor hinders me and kills me completely, I bring a huge energy with the wrong people and they just fucking shut it down this fuckers, It's a miscalculation which backfires on me when talking with new people.>>34359219Ok retard
>>34359141it depends what kind of funny, it its tell jokes kind of funny, it's your own problem that your an insecure pussy, just be stoic, if youve developed a habit of being like a crazy clown then that takes time to shake off, regardless if people dont respect you funny or not, they're not your friends, im sorry but you sound like a massive pussy,
>>34359944Is pussy what you tell yourself in the mirror ? What a weak personality
>>34359778>I bring a huge energy with the wrong people and they just fucking shut it down this fuckers.Yeah I know that feeling too. It's always the serious types, the rigid types, the boring pedantic monotonous stick up the ass types. So why try to emulate them? Why try to pretend to be 'stoic' like those non vibrant people? They're boring. And you're not. They're probably really good at other things in life abd they have their values I am not trying to sell you in Narcissism or egotism or something here but seriously it's just a fact if life. Some people are fucking boring socially and some are not. People who are non boring and spontaneous or humorous to a fault, they don't hang out with other people like themselves. Why? Cuz that's boring, you already know about that clown life since you are clown spirited. So you will always unconsciously seek out grey dry statue people. Because they're your opposites and that's not boring. They are boring but the dynamic is not boring. It's actually a lot of fun to try to get them to lighten the fuck up and bring them out of their shell.Try that instead. Instead of conforming to their personalities, get them to conform to yours.
>>34360248I don't want any boring person, Fuck them, I avoid them at all costs and avoid everyone, And I don't even give them any value and I don't value them nor try to emulate them, I accept what I am and know that being comedic is my feat even though in reality I'm more serious than Comedic, But you gotta know that feeling that at some point you start questioning where it went wrong when people start mocking you and you lose value, And it becomes shit for stain when you try to do something serious out of spite or passion, It's this problem I have ,A mix between funny and serious and the seriousness overlaps with the funny and I become unpredictable.I don't want to appeal to anyone, It ran its course a long time ago and nothing matters anymore for me and everything just seems pointless and worthless to even budget at, No one's value really excites me, They're all the same but I wouldn't like to make them laugh especially if we're in a setting where there are new people and these faggots just straight up go out of their way and fuck my perception, I literally have no fucking energy to keep laugher or funny persona and it kills me on the inside.I think you understand, But I'm kinda more crazy type
>>34360327The crazy wears off, trust me. I used to be crazy with it too, not in a fun way. "When you stare in the devil's face and you can't stop laughing". It's called mania, you know. Manic laughter or sardonic humour. There's three types of laughs: People who laugh with joy, people who laugh at pain, and people who laugh because they are in pain. I've lived to experience all three, but for the longest I was the last two. >I wouldn't like to make them laugh especially if we're in a setting where there are new people and these faggots just straight up go out of their way and fuck my perception.I'm gonna shoot from the hip and make a lot of presumptions. If I am wrong lemme know. But if I were to guess: You prefer to wear your heart on your sleeve. You don't enjoy tedious small talk or the shallow first impression Olympics. It's phony as fuck to you, right? So you enjoy breaking the ice, in fact you love to smash that ice into a million pieces through humour or wit. But you get into social scenarios where's there's people who haven't got to know you. And these new people, they're judgemental assholes or real prudes who look for every chance to misinterpret you and either make you feel like a freak, or they completely throw your mood off by sucking the fun out of absolutely everything? And it knocks you off kilter and make you feel existential dread or discomfort because that train of humour was your way to stay sane, and they kick it out of you?
>>34359141Yeah, Im kinda in a similar situation, where Im constantly being humorous with others at work and I feel like a walking parody. I dont even think that Im capable of normal interaction without feeling that I have to be constantly entertaining others.
>>34359202>It kills respect, And It makes you more prone to teasing and also it kills that sexual attractive trait. I disagree entirely. Men and women respect the man who can laugh at the things that trouble him and move forward inspite of them, and women love a guy who can make her forget about life for a while and cut loose.>I don't want to not be funny, But I want to just control it because it just goes out of control and I lose my leverage and become the joke of the table and then my fucking serious persona clashes with the jester and I lose my authenticity, But it fucking doesn't matter, I just need to control it.The trick is to control it *at the right times* and not all the time. Let the funny run wild most of the time, be the jester and embrace the privilege that comes with; then when things get tough prove to the world that you're more than capable of locking the fuck in. You find the balance naturally the more time you spend not worrying about balancing it.
>>34360781I laugh because I realize that life is completely and utterly meaningless, Every meaning for me is completely shattered and I don't hold it to value, So there is again this depersonalization where I can't act or be something I'm not, So I'm like someone who sees the true persona of everyone, Too much self awareness and self deprecating humor which feeds off the dopamine, Also I exceeded those types of laughter, It no longer has to have a label, It's just killing time, I don't actually laugh in front of new people nor ever let them suck it out of me, I analyse people and see if it's safe to throw my shit out, Sometimes a small miscalculation fucks me up so bad that I have to retreat the humor, And the humor sometimes is good but it just makes me small, I don't know how people perceive but I know what people see.Judgemental assholes don't get through me because I know their bullshit and I completely see their shit and they're just as weak as they are.I'm just too self aware to fit into the social stigmata.Sometimes I realize what faults I do, And sometimes I'm fully self aware of what I'm doing and I just proceed with the joke, I have this warning prebuilt within me and this time I started to notice it when I wanted to make a self deprecating joke and asked myself if it's worth it.It's starting to click
>>34360812Exactly, When talking seriously it feels fake and having to fit into setting instead of just firing up into sky
>>34360951Well said, I have to control it indeed but still sometimes it's addicting and it fucks up that personality
bump
I felt like an outcast all my life despite trying to be kind and make people laugh. Some people just don't have the capacity to laugh at certain things. Others will just reject you out of their own personal discomfort.I started studying psychology to take my revenge on a world that kicked me down for over 3 decades and came to some profound realizations about not only myself but every person I ever have and ever will interact with. I might suggest taking a Meyers Briggs test to get a basis for your personality type, lean into your strengths, forgive your weaknesses, and create a whole version of yourself to give yourself the meaning in life that you seem to be currently lacking and that you most certainly deserve.Alternatively, you could sit in the dark, without sound... and peel back the layers of your thoughts, exposing your insecurities, sorrows, and fears... reflection can grant you vast insight. Silence is the voice of God. Best of luck to you...
>>34366780>Silence is the voice of GodThis has been the most profound thing I've read in years.
