At a loss on what to do with myself. 21F, no friends, never dated, and though not trans I've had some form of autoandrophilia for years, mostly internally viewing myself through a boyish lens and presenting/naturally having a personality that is what I would find attractive in a male (essentially the 'become the BF' tranny meme). I really do like myself, I've built up my confidence and worldview on being alone and not needing anyone, not having experienced 'normal' activities like going out with friends or partying. I also value my innocence, not that I view myself as a child but I am very sheltered and view most 'adult' acitivies aside from necessities such as working as corrupting.However, I have always been terrified of wasting my life and what's left of my youth, to be pretty. I've been thinking about dating a lot just to experience it, made a Hinge account today and have gotten a few likes. Even if I know that this is the right thing to do lest I continue to rot alone in my room, and even though a part of me does actually want a boyfriend, it feels wrong. Abandoning my vow to protect my innocence, going at odds with the boyish and solitary personality that I find attractive and actually makes me like myself feels terribly wrong. Even the idea of not being a dating virgin feels incredibly offputting. I don't know how to mitigate this, how to grow from it, or what to do at all. What is the right thing to do? To carry on as I am now and pray I do not feel regret or try to break out into new territory and feel this feeling of discomfort and betrayal to myself?If this doesn't make sense, I'm sorry but I struggle putting it into words.
>>34363080you should not go from complete isolation to fucking around on dating apps, anonetteplease try to find a social group more naturally somehow
>>34363080You again.You should not continue with hinge.But you've got to get over this "not doing adult things somehow makes me pure and I'll be ruined if I try anything I'm afraid of" thing. It's literally just fear of the unknown.
>>34363080>. Even if I know that this is the right thing to do lest I continue to rot alone in my room, and even though a part of me does actually want a boyfriend, it feels wrong. Abandoning my vow to protect my innocence, going at odds with the boyish and solitary personality that I find attractive and actually makes me like myself feels terribly wrong. Even the idea of not being a dating virgin feels incredibly offputting.i think you're just lonelyyou don't have to decide between "wasting your youth" or "having a bunch of sex"please just find people to hang out with, and don't fuck around with dating apps, atleast for a while
>>34363080bunch of wordsalad for living life on easy mode and not being able to decide what to do dont care
>>34363099>dont carethen don't write anything, retard
>>34363106stop attentionwhoring then
>>34363080You have what's called fear of missing out. You're not missing out on anything. You're a woman and will never be a man, the sooner you accept that the better, be glad you're born a woman, because living as a man is living much more complicated. I know it's cliche to say this, but just find a "good" husband and marry him.
Thanks anons.>>34363091I don’t know how. I wouldn’t let myself have a social group anyway, the idea is so revolting to me. I can somewhat justify having a boyfriend if he were very similar to me but not a whole social group.>>34363093Sorry. I can’t stop these thoughts. And I do still think I will lose my purity if I were to do any of that stuff and as pathetic as it is I pride myself on being a contrarian and not engaging with degrading things that most people do.>>34363098I wasn’t looking for sex, I meant a long term relationship. I don’t think I’d even think about sex before marriage. But I’m not sure if I’m even lonely, because talking to people outside my family just tires me and I don’t enjoy it. I think it’s both FOMO of wasting these years and jealousy towards people with friends knowing I didn’t turn out ‘normal’ like them.>>34363219I didn’t mean to downplay what men face or their struggles, I just struggle to identify with femininity at all.
>>34363416>I didn’t mean to downplay what men face or their strugglesI know you didn't. Don't worry about that, I'm just sharing my perspective.>I just struggle to identify with femininity at all.Maybe it has to do with how you see femininity. If you see it as Disney princess that don't shit and fart then yeah, it's impossible to identify with that, (sorry if the words gross you out, lol). You're a woman, just be who you are, you know? It's not defined by Disney, media, or what I say a women is, it's a biological thing going on in your body, you are a woman, and you instinctively will act like one, and the things you will do will be womanly things by default.
>im chronically uptight and lonely, what do?this is a non-issue and you know the solutionstart taking chances
>>34363416>I pride myself on being a contrarianAnd that's stupid. Think for yourself don't just do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. You're effectively doing the same thing as them just being conceited about it because you think you're special for being opposite to the majority even though you're doing it on purpose not because it's who you actually are.
If you are like me then you are principled, not contrarian. As a man I've known some women who wanted to be boyish but its never like talking to a man. kinda superficial usually. There are feminine attributes that are similar and greatly appreciated though, like listening/being attentive, being emotionally stable, loyal, principled and sensible all around. You need to trust the process
>>34363080Try to remove the internal contradiction. Allign your emotion, mind and will towards the same purpose. Pick being single or not being single.
>>34363459It’s alright I get it. I don’t think it’s even that. I’m perfectly fine acknowledging that I am biologically female and that’s all I will ever be, but I think the social aspects of femininity are what put me off. I really can’t explain it well but I’ve always had something against looking like I’m trying (probably because I was understandably bullied a lot and turned to being a contrarian to pretend that I didn’t like ‘normal’ stuff and because I get a rush from being edgy). To me, being female is all about trying whether it’s from how they consciously choose to dress up and wear makeup like clowns, how feminine behaviour is pretty submissive and embarrassing. Honestly I think I caring about all that insignificant stuff makes you appear weak. It’s really gay and I don’t get it at all. >>34363488I wouldn’t say I’m lonely, just worrying about FOMO. I’m not itching for friends and the idea of love in my head is so romanticised if I ever did date I’d probably be put off immediately.>>34363503I get what you’re saying but I don’t just put it on. A lot of the time I do genuinely think or want to do the opposite. I don’t know why, wires probably got crossed at a young age.>>34364334Yeah, like how you can tell a MTF is a man because they only like autistic male things like coding. I’m aware I’m far from a real man or masculine but I still lean towards boyish traits and far from feminine ones.
Just be a tomboy without going full FtM, that's an option still. Many men would kill to have a gf with a boyish personality/looks. Figure out what your real values are and what's rebellion from expectations placed on you, this requires a lot of painful looking inward and being honest with yourself. Getting more life experience is also important, but that doesn't necessarily mean you need to fuck around or relationship hop to know what you like and dislike. It's better to build a couple close friendships first but really the only way you can do that is by putting yourself out there and risking pain. The limits to which you can open up to others are your own choice, but I don't really think you can have a very close friendship without both parties being very honest with who they are.
>>34363080You have to get over it now. If you let yourself hit the wall while being a shut-in your life is over. You're not a child anymore so stop pretending. Don't run out and become a turbo slut, but do go out and find people who have similar interests. Take care of your appearance. If you are fat and ugly, get to the gym, it will be piss easy to find people who want to help and you kill two birds with one stone. If you are cute, then literally just go outside and smile at people.
