> 19M 1st yr eng student> Emancipated since 16 (still love & occasionally talk to father tho)> Out of money > No idea where I'll live 1mo from now > Failed some courses due to time management & sleeping issues (but used to be "straight-A" student)> Tried attending class 1mo prior, ended up hiking aimlessly in woods for hrs> Tried going outside 2 weeks ago> Weird panic after 10min outside & rushed back in > Haven't talked to anyone in 3mo> Don't have friends & never had a girlfriend> Grew up talking to made up friends to practice social skills and reading instead > Nothing has ever fully felt real & no one actually exists except for me> Increasingly difficult over past few years to separate imagination from reality> Spends more time talking to imaginary people/strangers I've grown parasocial relationships with than having normal thoughts> Stopped taking most meds forced on me as a kid> Been to therapy since kindergarten> Still have ambitions & interests> Been exercising a bit on my own recently> Jerk off about 5 times a day> Bad habit scrolling on Instagram & watching YouTubeLeft some things out & added contractions so hopefully the post isn't too long. Been lurking (& answering) some posts on here for a while, so I know some of this is similar, although I would say my social situation is probably the least of my concerns.
>>34369759>> Tried attending class 1mo prior, ended up hiking aimlessly in woods for hrs>> Tried going outside 2 weeks ago>> Weird panic after 10min outside & rushed back inanon...>> Haven't talked to anyone in 3mo>> Don't have friends & never had a girlfriendu have bigger problems right now retard, don't overthink this>> Stopped taking most meds forced on me as a kid>> Been to therapy since kindergarten>> Still have ambitions & interests>> Been exercising a bit on my own recently>> Jerk off about 5 times a day>> Bad habit scrolling on Instagram & watching YouTubeplease continue exercisinglook for places to run if you can, it's a good way to get used to being outside & you can find nice places on google maps>> Out of money >> No idea where I'll live 1mo from now >> Failed some courses due to time management & sleeping issues (but used to be "straight-A" student)this is your biggest problemyou need to find some place to live, or at least think of several fallback optionsfind a teacher you're on good terms with & grovel if nothing else works, or maybe a friend, or maybe your fatherif you have a car you could live in your car
>>34369774>anonWhy did you give that reply?>this is your biggest problemyou need to find some place to live Yeah, you make a good point. >find a teacher you're on good terms Sadly I do not really know any of my teachers. Also do not have any friends and I cannot live with my father. Not that I do not want to, but my father lives with my mother.>if you have a car you could live in your carI do not have one, but would it be better to take out a loan and get one maybe? Not sure how I would pay it back, maybe try and find a part-time/summer job, although that it quite difficult.Also, I do not have my driver's license yet.
>>34369774>please continue exercising>look for places to run if you can, it's a good way to get used to being outside & you can find nice places on google mapsThanks for the advice here btw
Anon that is a lot of stuff but what do you want advice about?
>>34370212In the mean time I'l just blast you with what I would do.At the earliest opportunity I'd set up an appointment with a doc to talk about managing the meds. I'd tell the doc everything: about the medical stuff (panic attacks, imagination/reality stuff, sleep trouble), but also about not knowing where you can live, and the school trouble. I'm not a doctor but the imagination/reality stuff sounds like something that would require some medication, so I'd take whatever he prescribes. Yes meds suck but not knowing what is real sucks even more, even if it doesn't feel like it.Then I'd walk up to any teacher (doesn't matter if I know him/her) and ask if there is a school counselor because I'm struggling with finances, studying and health. They might have options like pausing payments for a while, cheap student housing, grants, etc. Talking to people is hard but these folks often know a lot of stuff. Also, generally people like to help so I like to think of it like I'm doing them a favor. This can take some of the stress out of it.I wouldn't get a loan for a car because sleeping in cars suck, I wouldn't have money for maintenance anyway, the debt would grow which will make things harder in the future and I need to be able to give organizations an address. Finally I would share a little bit more in this thread. Like what area I live in so anons can help figure out what kind of assistance is out there. But also how I ended up being a student but don't have money. That info can help with figuring out if studying is a good idea, or if focusing on finances is a better bet right now.
>>34369875npi can imagine it would be hard to be motivated to exercise in those circumstances, but it will make all problems you face 4x easier to deal with if you're in good physical shape, stable mood and good rest etc>>34369840>Why did you give that reply?i guess it just seemed really fucked for someone whose also able to manage college workidk though, i dropped out of HS lol>Sadly I do not really know any of my teachers. Also do not have any friends and I cannot live with my father. Not that I do not want to, but my father lives with my mother.i see>I do not have one, but would it be better to take out a loan and get one maybe? Not sure how I would pay it back, maybe try and find a part-time/summer job, although that it quite difficult.>Also, I do not have my driver's license yet.getting a license & taking a loan for a car is a lot, but it might be less work than finding a place to liveliving in a car would certainly be much better than living on the street, so it's a good option, if you can get a driver's license easilyi think you might need to find some sort of comfy job somehowwhen i say comfy, i don't mean like a really rare corporate job where you're sitting on your assit could be a job at lowes or a fast food place, as long as it's not overwhelming/stressfulremember you can always walk out the door and find a new job, it's not a big commitment, so there's no reason not to apply if there's a job available & there's no bad signs right off the batyou could look for a "campus job" of some sort, i have a HS friend who goes to college & he's mentioned it, he seems to be doing welli wish i had better advicei hope you can manage to stay in college also, you'll probably be pissed at yourself in the future if you drop out nowthere will probably be presentations at some point, so you should start getting comfortable with going to classes
>>34370344>Then I'd walk up to any teacher (doesn't matter if I know him/her) and ask if there is a school counselor because I'm struggling with finances, studying and health. They might have options like pausing payments for a while, cheap student housing, grants, etc. Talking to people is hard but these folks often know a lot of stuff. Also, generally people like to help so I like to think of it like I'm doing them a favor. This can take some of the stress out of it.this is a good idea OPdon't be afraid to take advantage of the college faculty (not "take advantage" in the manipulative sense, you know what i mean), you're paying tuition & the purpose of college is to make you a valuable worker basicallythe college wants you to succeed, and you should let them help if they can
OP I bookmarked this thread and will check on it tomorrow, so don't think the thread is dead or anything. Don't be shy and hit reply!
>>34370212Sorry, I guess it was a lot. I probably should have just stuck with one topic. I guess advice in terms of what to do, because it feels as if everything in my life is a mess.
>>34370344>I'm not a doctor but the imagination/reality stuff sounds like something that would require some medication, so I'd take whatever he prescribes. Yes meds suck but not knowing what is real sucks even more, even if it doesn't feel like it.Part of me mentioned that not knowing if it was normal. I have thought about saying something for a while but was unsure. It's not as much that meds "suck" and more that it warps your mind and feels like a way they silence you.>Then I'd walk up to any teacher (doesn't matter if I know him/her) and ask if there is a school counselor because I'm struggling with finances, studying and health. They might have options like pausing payments for a while,I do not know any teachers because I do not really go out, but I will look at that. Maybe that is an option. >I need to be able to give organizations an address. You make a good point there.>Like what area I live in so anons can help figure out what kind of assistance is out there.I like in Canada, Ontario. London specifically. >But also how I ended up being a student but don't have money. That info can help with figuring out if studying is a good idea, or if focusing on finances is a better bet right now.I worked since I was 14 and saved up about 15k, but the issue is the cost of tuition and housing first year. I suppose i should have just kept it to one topic, sorry. Thank you very much for the advice though.
>>34370368>i can imagine it would be hard to be motivated to exercise in those circumstances, but it will make all problems you face 4x easier to deal with if you're in good physical shape, stable mood and good rest etcYeah, I mean when I say "exercising", I don't really mean I go to the gym. Just body stuff or lifting. I do not necessarily find it as difficult to be motivated to do it, in fact, I do it because I feel the need to move. >it could be a job at lowes or a fast food place, as long as it's not overwhelming/stressfulI have some experience working, I did since I was 14. It's just hard for me to try and balance that with schoolwork. >i hope you can manage to stay in college also, you'll probably be pissed at yourself in the future if you drop out nowYeah, dropping out is not really an option for me. I already spent so much money anyway. If engineering does not work, I have nothing. >there will probably be presentations at some point, so you should start getting comfortable with going to classesI used to go to classes all the time, except for the morning ones because of the difficulties sleeping. I think it was just that after failing some of them, the next term it was difficult. I still mentioned to attend them, and then I stopped. It got to where I would make up any excuse. Some of the courses are mandatory attendance. but I guess part of me thought "well I'm so used to failing anyway". That or I will use the time to "catch up", but then hours will past by and I will be doing nothing. Or the idea of being perceived by others. Again, it is weird because I used to not be like this, and if you told me less than a year ago this is how I would be now, I would not believe you.It's like I suddenly blinked and now months have gone by. Idk maybe the sleep issue might have be part of it. Relying on too many energy drinks lol. I have had issues since a kid but the meds knock me out too long.
It takes adjustment but you'll be there soon OP.
>>34370375>this is a good idea OPNot me but yeah. Sadly it is nearing the end of the year. I booked a therapy appointment in January but could not get in until March. By then, I ended up missing that too. I had a residence counsellor, but I missed the email because I was getting too many, and same story there.It kind of feels like the world is just screaming at me all the time. Oh and fyi, we don't call it college here.
>>34370418Thank you so much! This is my first time actually posting. I thought about it for a while and browsed, giving advice while I can. I really appreciate it, I have not communicated with anyone for quite some time. And I have not shared these issues with anyone either, so I guess it sort of just all spewed out. Did not think anyone cared and that i was just being a whiny fag, which is why I left for a while. It really means a lot :)
>>34370577Be where?
>think I was being a whiny fagWanting to vent is completely normal. It's cathartic, we're social animals and need this. Complete isolation will drive anyone insane eventually. The trick with venting is to know when to do it, with whom and how much. This is 4chan so you can just trauma dump everything, but IRL being a bit selective is a good idea. By the way, if in the future you feel the need to vent something but don't want advice, there is the >>>/adv/gioyc thread.>sorry>sorryNo need for that shit>maybe that is an optionNo it's definitely an option. Just do it.>I already spent so much money anyway. That's called the sunk cost fallacy. What is important is figuring out if continuing with your study is the best option right now. It doesn't matter if you've spent $3000 or $3 trillion. That money is gone whether you continue or not so it is not a valid factor to consider. The only thing that should matter in your reasoning is how much it will benefit you in the future, and how much it will cost from this point on.>If engineering does not work, I have nothing.You're 19 so you have the most important thing in the world: time. Do not underestimate how valuable that is. Bill Gates has over $100 billion, but I'd bet you any money he'd give it all up to be 19 again. I know I would. Also it's okay to not have stuff figured out at your age. 19 year olds are retarded.
