this is probably gonna get zero attention like my other posts on this site, but fuck it, whatever I can do to vent out my emotions. >be me>has untreated bpd>gains strong attachment to a popular (albeit controversial) youtuber with similar trauma to me>he's now my favorite person (FP)>joins his project's fandom as a way to bond with him>things seem to be going well at first>falls in love with him>confesses feelings and gets rejected>imagines bright future where we get married and live together everyday despite this>he's my everything>fp stops paying attention to me randomly>starts getting bullied for my attachment>it goes from simple lighthearted jokes to full on cursing me out in the discord server over it>gets ganged up on the server for standing up for myself>fp takes bully's side and mutes me on the server for causing drama>p a n i c>frantic efforts to avoid abandonment kick in>fp gets annoyed of it after a week and blocks me, then bans me from the server after>has mental breakdown and loses will to live>attempts and fails, ending up in the hospital for a whole week after>finds out from someone else on the server that he never cared about me to begin with, and he thinks i'm delusional>tries to move on but is reminded of him every damn day (even getting high to the point of greening doesn't help)>slowly getting worse thanks to the grief consuming me>considers making an alt acc to apologize to fp and hopefully regain his trust, but ultimately decides not to knowing deep in my gut that it'll never workit's been about 4 weeks now since I lost him, things have not gotten better.How the hell is anyone supposed to just move on from that??? I feel like I can't live without him and I can't even see a future without him. I feel like i'm fucking losing it without him..
>>34371263You need extensive psychiatric intervention
>>34371298Who's R? If you don't mind me asking
>>34371334Guessing she was someone you were also super close with?
>>34371263>>he never cared about me to begin with>it's been about 4 weeks now since I lost himSounds like you never had him at all.>4 weeksIt took me 8 months to stop thinking all day long about the person I loved. She said my feelings weren't real love.>I can't live without himHow have you lived before him?>I can't even see a future without himMany people don't know what's next for them in life
you are a whiney faggot and I am not reading all that you clearly need to go outside and make a real friend you fucking faggot. I was in regular correspondence with a youtube content creator who I thought of as a father or uncle figure in my life and he killed himself so I can kind of understand being sad about a parasocial relationship and everything but at the same time there is no solution here and nothing for you to do other than move on with your life.
>>34371263Stop smoking weed. Spend more time outside, especially interacting with people in real life.Think about how you get Indian spammers texting you 100 text messages, or junk mail trying to get you to buy something. This is what you look like to an outside party.
>>34371629>fuck me
>>34371263>How to cope with the grief of losing your favorite YouTuber's trustFace the truth that you never had it in the first place. You mean absolutely nothing to him. The whole idea that you had some sort of connection to him is the saddest of fan fantasies Pick any movie star at random. Do you believe that he is talking directly to you in his movies, or that he is even aware that you exist? And yet you know that there are some sad deluded fans out there who imagine they have a personal relationship with the star.That's you.
>>34371263>fp takes bully's side and mutes me on the server for causing dramalike idk about whether they truly liked you or not, but the above is a clear indication of them protecting their bottom-line, their brand. if fucking animals was in, legal and made them money they side with the bullies over it.
You know you have BPD could you not have predicted this outcome or something similar to it?>lost him Bruh you never had him you made this person uncomfortable from the start that's why the decision to get rid of you was so easy. They wanted to kick you out and were given a decent excuse.
>>34371263>(even getting high to the point of greening doesn't help)No shit you fucking retard, that makes it worse. That's like saying "I set this log on fire and it wouldn't stop burning, even when I poured gasoline on it"
>>34371263Get a fucking life (not parasocial, not internet) now fuck off
>>34371263famous streamer here too weigh in on your problem, i've been on the other side.think about how well you know him. now think: he knows literally nothing about you. what you know of him, is a carefully curated version of himself he puts out for the public. you will never regain his trust because you never had it. the best thing you can do for yourself is cut all contact and connections with him, and seek psychiatric help, before your go full schizo stalker.
>>34371263>popular (albeit controversial) youtuberHe did nothing wrong. He did everything correct.
