>be me>autistic artsy kid, into vintage shit, psychedelic rock, boomer aesthetics>get called “nerd”, “loser” growing up>cousin = older, street smart, athletic, pulls girls, alpha vibes>look up to him hard>fast forward>publish books, build communities, actually doing well>date model/math major/polyglot type girls>still feel like 16 y/o me around him>he still teases me about baldness/height>calls my taste weird, overrated (he is all about hip-hop, rnb shit and his favorite movie is prolly Fight Club )>talks money all the time>owes me money >i know i’m ahead in my lane>but brain still wants his approval for some reason>see beautiful, cultured girl into kino (he kept denying the fact that cute girls can be both smart and have personality because only he hangs out with normies)>first thought: “damn”>second thought: “he needs to see this”>he avoids every time>like he refuses to update his worldview>realize it’s not about girls or taste>it’s about proving i’m not that “nerd kid” anymore>also realize>he’s still playing street chess>and i’m out here trying to paint the board>feels like we’re from the same codebaseI feel frustrated af. What to do when I keep needing his approval ơn a subconscious level? Is he fucking with me deliberately and he knows it?
>>34372199>like he refuses to update his worldviewmy nigger i feel you so strong and so deep. i don't think you just want his approval, you want him to take his head out of his ass.it's frustrating for someone to keep saying>"i am on the right path, my path is good, my path is the correct one, yours is shit"when yes it is good, but it is not the only one and they are wrong about everything.it is likely, you are fighting with a sociopath or narcissist. you will never win, you have to accept, they will think that way forever, no matter how good you do, you could best him in every way 1000x over and he'd still look down on you, that's if he doesn't ignore you like he does. so, just accept it, you will never please him but that's not your fault. that's not your error or flaw. it's him. the flaw is with him. i imagine him living in a dark room, receding into the depths of it, while you are outside saying "the weather is great" and he says "sunlight is for pussies, what you doing out there? why would you ever want to go outside like that!?". it's him, he has built a prison, but pretends you are on the inside of the bars, not him. walk away, every time that feeling comes up say to yourself "i'm the one outside" or something to remind yourself, his opinion doesn't matter. his approval is not worth shit.
>>34372253thank you anon for taking the time to actually reply to my autistic rants. shit goes deeper than that because we go way back and we've had acid trips together...like he was one of the few people who actually understand me the best which created a rather retarded dynamic in mind. I feel trapped and punked, but i don't exactly know why because he's literally just a dude...>his opinion doesn't matter. his approval is not worth shit.i've been trying that for the past 6 years and an echo of sth he said in the past would come back and eat me from the inside.Ít's THAT fucked.But thank you so much.ill try even more.
>>34372199Ur both dumb af now fuck off
>>34372199Someone once said "We spend our entire lives trying to escape the high school bully."
>>34374301who said that?
>>34372827And you're not dumb?
>>34377264Correct
bump
>>34372199Why are you still hanging out with him
>>34372199you have to stop giving a fuck. older people only update their world view if they go through something traumatic (something so undeniable that you cant cognitive dissonance it away).
>>34372199Call him a nigger faggot and never speak to him again
