I was grinding general socializing and dating really hard for a few months and had unbelievable success. I was juggling multiple girls at once, taking classes, making friends and learning to navigate groups of people, generally skyrocketing my charisma by putting myself out of my comfort zone as much as possible.However, one thing I had trouble with is performing in bed and the severe stress of all I was doing + not able to get it up in front of a girl made me dissociate several times, eventually dissociating like permanently. This killed my sex drive which was devastating and put me in deep depression. Now depression is a bit better but sex drive and ED still bad.I recently started hiring hookers (one of which is willing to also work with my therapist) to try to identify my blocks and overcome it. The overt transaction with a hooker is by far less stressful than the covert social games needed to get laid.Tbh I feel zero guilt or shame about it. I know I can get a regular girl to bed if I want to, but by that time I’m emotionally numb and just can’t fuck her. I’m also just trying to fix my issue so I don’t see why I should feel bad about it. Relationships are transactional anyways. BUT I am wondering could seeing hookers lead to unforeseen negative consequences? I understand consequences of aids, getting arrested, and financially drained, but I’m more curious about the psychological and behavioral consequences. For example, if I see hookers for long enough, I might treat regular women weird and never build a connection with em.
>>34384570The problem is that socializing takes a lot of energy and you're an introvert so you're not supposed to do that. Getting a hooker would not fix any of that, it's just a way to have sex without the pressure as you mentioned.If you are going to play the social game, the best way would be to build a skill and get yourself into a position of power so the women come to you. Trying to get women when you don't have status will lead to the situation you're in or worse.
>>34384641Your response resonated with me deeper than I would have expected from here. I’ve been also slowly coming to the same conclusion that the better strategy for me personally may be to raise my status. I’ll then be more attractive and have a much easier time with women. I just need to pick the right hierarchy so my status is visible but I don’t need to overexert myself socially. I’m even fine with raising my finances enough where I can easily afford hookers. I feel it’s an option that might actually work.It sucks though because I really wanna believe I can train myself to be this hyper social dude. And like I can actually be that, I can behave in such a manner and get results. But I just go numb and become severely apathetic. And it’s annoying that I feel like it’s some type of trauma I’m dealing with despite going out of my comfort zone voluntarily. Like no one forced me or did anything bad to me. I didn’t think it was possible to overdo it if I’m choosing to do it, so I’m frustrated that I’m unable to keep my emotions and continue going further.I’m open to hearing more of what you have to say because at this time what you wrote was highly resonant.>>34384646Idk what you want me to say. My therapist is a sex therapist and we’re gonna work within the Surrogate Partner Therapy triadic model. Look it up, it’s pretty fascinating.
>>34384693It resonates because I have the same problem. If you're an introvert then the best way is through social media, since you don't have to talk to anyone.If you were to modify the route you are already doing, you'd post high quality pics of you having a good time with women. Then just intersperse that with other content. You won't need to socialize as much since your Instagram does the work for you.Otherwise it would be you in front of a camera making the best content you can, and your follower count would do the work. People do get cold DMs asking to fuck once they get enough of a following.
>>34384887Gotcha. I figured you encountered this before and are ahead in the resolution. I never met anyone who had this problem and resonated this way in the 1.5 years I’ve been dealing with this. No pressure, but I do feel pulled to connect with you on a more personal level. I want to do that, if you are open to it.I did make an IG at that time but didn’t do much work on it. But that makes sense that it’s an option.Since reading your first response, I feel my mind starting to better settle on the cause of my issue being stress, and that I may have to accept that I’m “introverted” in the sense that intense socializing is can be damaging for me at my age. I can tell I’ll be starting to shift gears in the near future as this further settles.Thanks for your words.
>>34384570I'm naturally introverted too but learned a lot of the "socializing skills" in college, how to hold a conversation, not be creepy talking to girls, active listening, etc. The problem I've found is that I have hyperanalyzed most interactions I had with people, to the point where I make mental spreadsheets on people. But that shit is exhausting and has for sure had a deeper impact. Sure I'm not an awkward wreck in public anymore and can actually talk to women, but I have to use almost 100% of my brain on thatNaturally extroverted people don't think about any of this shit. They just inherently know how to keep conversation flowing. We had to learn either in a book or "in the lab" through trial and error
>>34385199Thanks for reply and I’m the same. I actually have speaking strategies I use consciously, in particular with women, when people say something and I respond. Like wrapping my direct language in an appropriate level of euphemism, varying the softness of my tone, repeating back to them what they said to make them feel heard, etc. Over time I calmed down and learned enough to be perceived as normal by others, sometimes even above average in social skills. Kills me to know I’m limited by what seems to be my physical body, but it is what it is.
I didn't read all that but I burned out hard doing what you're doing. Take care of yourself, and act on any warning signs you get from your body or mind.
>>34385141Sure. Post Protonmail.
>>34385853albinoface@protonmail.com
>>34385237Yeah I mean I just accepted that fact, no use crying about being dealt unlucky cards. Plus having to "earn" being good at something instead of just being naturally good at something helps with growth
