I'm going to ask my crush for a date tomorrow, and would like to hear your assessment.We've been going to the same dance class for a while now. We've danced together plenty of times. After class, we usually talk for a while (along with the others)But the longest we've talked has been when it's been just the 2 of us, and was a little more than 2 hours. I'd say we get along well, I like her, she seems to like me, at least platonically. Romantically is the beeg question.However, she very, very rarely initiates conversation over text(I think she's done so twice?) When I text her, which I don't do that often any more, she takes a while to answer. Her answers are "satisfactory", but she doesn't really branch out the conversation herself.We have met before, at a cafe September last year. Afterwards, she said she was too busy to a couple of times for follow-up meetings, but didn't provide any alternative dates either. We arranged another meeting, which she cancelled on short notice because of illness, and again, didn't provide any alternative dates. I took that as a not too subtle rejection, and stopped trying to arrange meetings.But... we kept chatting and dancing, so I couldn't *really* let it go, thus some weeks ago I asked her to accompany me to a book reading thingy, which she did and I had a lovely time.We listened to the reading and afterwards sat down at the bar it had taken place. We stayed until about midnight, when she went the catch the last bus (she lives about 30min out of town). I *think* she dressed up nicely. She was wearing nice clothes and seemed to have done her hair, but I'm bad at spotting those sorts of things, and she tends to dress up quite nicely for dancing, too.So... After dance class tomorrow I want to ask her whether she's seeing anyone(I don't think she is, but dunno how else to breach the subject) and then ask her for a date, specifically using that word. What do you guys think?
>>34386616One thing to add:She on her part has made some attempts at meetings when speaking in person, but they've all been fairly vague and low stakes, going to a table top con with her, come visit her at the museum she's working at to look at the new exhibition.
>he doesn't knowListen up. If a girl is into you she will make it very easy for you. Nobody is so busy they can't grab a meal or a drink. Everyone has time for the things they want. Busy = NOT INTERESTED. You have invested a lot of time into this woman but now you are suffering due to sunk cost fallacy. Move on. Once you find someone hotter and actually wants to hang out (fuck) you you will forget about this hoe. Good luck.
>>34386650I agree with this guy, but I think you're in a less bad version of what he's describing. Basically, shoot your shot now. Don't pussyfoot around, say hey listen you single? I really enjoy your company, you wanna go out? Tell her she's really cute and you find her fun to hang out with. If it doesn't work try not to take it too hard. I say, as I die inside and have no motivation for life anymore whenever I get rejected by a girl.
>>34386650>>34386859This. You're in a little too deep, but now is the time to rip off the bandaid. If she wanted to she would. Hope the next girl you talk to goes better
>>34386616the only advice I can give you is don't put your personal value behind this.if she likes you, nice, if she doesn't, it's all right, nothing of value was lostsometimes we think a crush or someone we like is the only one for us and without her our life doesn't have sense or reason to beas a 40yo man who's done it all, from being hopelessly in love with someone to having a very ego boosting relationship where she kissed the floor I stepped in, to a very balanced relationship where both valued and loved each other and many others in between, I can tell you there are a lot of good matches for you if you're not a nutcase and are good at getting along with people, try but don't die if it doesn't workI put my money where my mouth is, I recently confessed to a girl I was seeing lately (she's 26) she told me she likes me too but is not ready for a relationshipnothing of value was lost, we've become some sort of casual hang out thing. Not what I wanted but something out of it anyways.
>>34386650yeah, it's what I'm expecting as well, which is why I'd backed off last year already. but dunno, her behaviour doesn't really make sense to me, so we shall see>>34386932>rip it offIndeed, it will hurt but I'll have closure at least>>34386859>as I die inside and have no motivation for life anymorelmao, last girl I asked out, although less directly, just for a coffee, deflected by saying she was visiting her boyfriend that weekend(fair enough) and has been behaving weirdly ever since. it did stir me up that evening, but have been fine since.but that was easier because she was less of an oneitis
>>34386650This. t. Just got asked out
>>34387496elaborate
>>34387490I'm this guy >>34386859I was in your shoes with a girl also from my salsa and bachata dance classes just a couple months ago. Heart ripped to shreds as she called our first meeting off because of being busy, apologized and set a second meeting, she decided to go visit family instead of coming to the second planned meeting (???) I took it as a rejection, fine, whatever. Couple weeks later SHE asks me to go out with her as her partner to a dance party, then decided to let me know it's 'just as friends and maybe we shouldn't do it' when I asked her if she's actually going to make it this time. (Because last 2 times she flaked). She couldn't take the heat of a simple question, she's one of those girls that just 'want to have fun and take it easy' (aka use you and face none of the consequences for having single sided friendship with you where they don't take you into account what so ever)In short, girls hold the key, they can play with your heart real easy - skipping meetings and not setting concrete plans and lack of effort in texting/calling/meeting is normal to some of them because they have so many options they see dudes as replaceable and disposableBeware my guy, this is why you ask early. And also why you ask romantic questions (are you single?) Not because you want to be a creep and bother her (I feel this way a lot of times) but because you're protecting YOURSELF.At the end of the day remind yourself that girls are horny too, they're also people. Not every girl is going to have that "eww" reaction that I imagine in my head all the fucking time (a problem I have and maybe you have it too), some girls might think "actually you know what, he's an interesting guy and he's making an advance, why not?"Fuck it dude, ask, ask early. Take the rejection whatever, but don't waste your time on some fucking nigger girl who's just using you (nigger by mentality, all the chicks I have experience with were the whitest girls because I live in the Netherlands)
>>34387507If a girl is into you she'll make it known. At the very least she won't avoid making plans with you.
>>34386616>I want to ask her whether she's seeing anyoneNever do that. If you ask someone out that's the first thing they'll tell you.This lady prob isn't interested (too busy) but if you already know her it's easy to ask, something like "Do you think we should go on a date sometime?"
>>34386616>ask her whether she's seeing anyoneDon't do it that way. Just invite her to something not too date-like, like another book reading or a museum event
>>34387724>Just invite her to something not too date-likenah, I don't want to do this flip-flopping any longer>>34387620yeah, after mulling it over some more that's what I've come to as well, just asking her. now to hoping I'll actually have the courage>>34387518I actually might've talked to you about this before? are you this guy? >>33676094
