how do I stop feeling like I need to heed every piece of advice someone gives me and actively incorporate it into my life?Even when I have a situation under control, I’m given unsolicited advice on how I can improve and it makes me undermine myself and convinces me I’m not in control if other people feel the need to give me advice and point shit outMy judgement and intuition are pretty good, so it’s annoying that I suffer just because I humble myself and think what’s the harm in humoring people. People also find it rude if I don’t acknowledge their advice so I feel obligated to incorporate it through my actions, and if I tell them I have it under control, I’m being too dismissive of people who are just trying to help.>explain why you don’t need their help so they’ll leave you aloneI assume that if they’re pointing something out, it’s for good reason and it’s said in spite of everything else which they’ve already taken into account. Their ignorance of my own situation isn’t made apparent until I’ve already suffered from it. And again, if I explain my situation in response to their warning it sounds like I’m questioning their judgement and insulting them. It doesn’t help that people insist they know better even after I explain that I have it under control. It doesn’t matter how many times I explain and reassure them, they are adamant that I must heed their words and act according to how they want it.
It sucks too because I let people suffer because I find unsolicited advice annoying and condescending, so I just give them the benefit of the doubt when it only appears that their doing it wrong because maybe I’m missing something as someone just walking in on something with no context. I also do it for their pride because obviously by stepping in to help I’m acknowledging their shortcomings, whether they are real or just perceived. Even when I do help them, they get annoyed or dismiss my advice which makes it all the more exhausting that I feel like I’m expected to internalize every input they give while any genuine concern I give barely gets acknowledged, which only reassures me that they don’t need or value my help, which is what leads to me not helping them when they need it. Then they get mad and say “if you knew something was wrong why didn’t you correct me?”>communicate betterI can’t. I try my best to mind how I voice my concern so it doesn’t sound like I’m accusing them of doing something wrong, and they still think I’m trying to call them out on shit rather than help them. Funnily enough, that seems to be their aim with me a lot of the time, so it’s telling that that’s how they interpret it when the roles are reversed. I simply can’t communicate if the other person is unwilling to not take things the wrong way and act in bad faith.
it’s also funny how often I view people’s criticism as “help” and never acknowledge it is just asshole behavior, as if everyone around me has my best interests at heart
the thing is, people are projecting alllllll the time. if you’re doing something and someone else would do it a different way they don’t think ‘oh i guess that’s another way to do it’ they will tell you to do it their better, faster, more efficient way regardless of if that’s true. it’s nice that you give people the benefit of the doubt but you gotta trust your judgement too. if you know what your doing and an idea sounds stupid, don’t do it. they’ll get over it eventually if they’re offended by your dismissal. some people will interpret whatever you tell them in the worst way no matter what you do.
Don’t take everyone’s opinions too seriously. Most people are just figuring things out like you are, and a lot don’t really know what they’re talking about anyway. You can still care about them, but when it comes to your own life, trust your gut and make your own decisions.
>>34391078I honestly don’t even care if they think their way is better, but it boils down to nitpicking a lot of the time. Or it takes way too fucking long for them to show or explain it to me that I’ll just tell them they can have free reign. Then they hit me with “why do I have to do it?” Like okay, then maybe don’t say anything and leave well enough alone? They have standards that are so unique to their caliber yet expect you to match them with your own labor instead of doing it themselves.And some people will insist you demonstrate it to them to show you actually understand and aren’t just saying it to get them to leave you alone. Like bro, I said I’d keep it in my back pocket can’t you take a hint. This is why I’m convinced most people just give advice as a power trip because they get so obsessed about their wisdom being validated and need every sign of confirmation and acknowledgement of their authority. Not to mention the fact that they don’t even assess the situation before defaulting to the assumption that my way is wrong and their way is better.I’ve literally had people mention a place nearby while we’re walking and I say “that’s cool” and keep walking and then they say where are you going the place is this way because they expected me change my course to go where they wanted. They want you to change your actions but can never admit that they’re requesting something from you because that would require them to acknowledge that they need you. And then they shame you for not entertaining them.My parents are like this too. They point out shit with certain connotations and subtext and expect me to respond accordingly, often putting me in positions of meekness and deferring my self reliance to them. This conditioned me to not be assured in my own skill because it’s all part of reading between the lines and I wasn’t allowed to simply say it doesn’t matter to me or your concern is unwarranted.
>>34391099You talk too much.
