I was in a long term relationship with this woman and we broke up a few years back. She cheated on me with several people and I know until it was over, blew up, scrubbed me from the lease, and kicked me out of our place over an argument about something minor, told her people I was abusive (I wasn't). I had my flaws and problems but I didn't deserve that. Since then I've worked hard to feel proud of myself again, I ended up finishing a difficult project I had put off, been excelling at work and about to get a license I've been working towards for years, saved and got a nice truck I am proud of, and got my own place with no roommates. I've refined my style, even talked to a few women since then, still haven't been in another relationship. I've wanted to sort out my own life first, alone. I've been doing well, thoughts of her were very infrequent and I was apathetic to them.Then I had a shitty job at work and decided to get beer on my way home the other day. I drank and thought it would be a great idea to look her up on Instagram and see what she's been up to. Looks like she's recently engaged.I really thought I had the hurt dicked, I thought it was gone but it's back. I cannot figure out why I'm tripping over this shit, but it's taken the piss out of my week, like actual despair. It makes no logical sense, and I am sort of irritated with myself and embarrassed that I'm feeling this way. I don't want to open up to anyone about it. It's been multiple years, I've put work in, and I'm a grown man I should be better now. Am I subconsciously not letting go of some bullshit? What is my problem, am I depressed? Have I been this whole time?
>>343958472nd sentence*didn't know until it was over
>>34395847>I don't want to open up to anyone about it.That's your problem.
That's called a trauma. You should seek therapy, since moving on seems hard for you. Otherwise just look forward. Don't let moments like these dictate your decisions. Let go what wants to go, but keep the arms open to accept new. Go on dates. Try to trust someone again, I know it's hard.I don't really think you want *her* back, but the feelings you had *with her*. You can get them with any other woman out there. Just try.
>>34396100Okay, but I did back when it was fresh. Confiding in family was worthless, they didn't really approve of her and didn't tell me that until after, only consolation was "you dodged a bullet," and I was in fact hit and did not dodge the bullet. Buddies didn't really help, suggested I do stupid shit like leave a bag of shit on her porch, or they didn't understand why I cared about her because they don't value relationships.It would sound pretty ridiculous if I brought it up again like 2-3 years later. That's mostly why I'm posting here.
>>34396359>I don't really think you want *her* back, but the feelings you had *with her*Thanks this is actually what I feel, I just couldn't find the words for it.>Go on dates. Try to trust someone again.That's the tough thing, I've had no issues when I meet a woman while out or in a group or something, they often like me, but I actually get sort of afraid of connection now and end up pushing them away with some excuse. Like the thought of going on a dedicated date kind of disturbs my peace. I feel like I have to clean the house so to say before I have any guests.
>>34395847this pain is normal, you arent weird or a pussy. you really shouldnt look up exs that give you pain though. the only cure is to find a new girlfriend who really amazes you. yea its hard, but pretty much everyone who managed to get one girl they love manage to find a second as well.
>>34396413That's not peace, that's your comfort zone. And you need to step out of it, otherwise we see each other here again in 1-2 years.All I read are excuses while complaining about said excuses. Do you really need to clean the house, or is it just another excuse to not open the window? Accept the beauty in the unknown or you will die bored by yourself
>>34396486I agree with what you're saying and I probably do need to step out of my comfort zone. The whole situation a few years ago just kind of left me with my dick in my hand and no lifelines, I'm worried that it could happen again or I'd fuck a good thing up. I'm not trying to make an excuse when I say that, I know I have to try again, but I guess I don't know how to vet someone. Sounds dumb but I think I'm a pretty passionate person and easily burned. Obv hypervigilance isn't the answer to that, but idk what is.I appreciate you taking the time, it does help.
