How has your day been so far? I've been doing stretching and some chores, mostly cleaning my room and tidying up.
My plans for later: reading somethingand driving practice.

>>34400340
I hate losing to an insane degree. I just wish that when I finally figure out how to win, I felt anything at all.
I just hate losing, I hate being beneath and losing at anything confirms it.
It's weird how it pretty much just applies to games, as in face-to-face interactions I play the game and I love to play. In a game where there's a binary win or lose, if I lose I am worthless.

>>34400340
I really just want to sell things fast again, shipping needs to go down badly. I need a loving gf badly.

I wish I didn't become a bald old man before finding love.

I had a weird dream that reminded me of what it was like to talk to someone that you are attracted to that is also attracted to you.

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I really like you, and would like us to work together even if I currently am not in a position that allows me do so, or so I think. However I strongly dislike this uncertainty I'm experiencing.
I'll be frank: during the last week's I put my own comfort and mental sanity over yours, and I didn't listen for your pleas for me to come back until it was too late. If you want me to leave you alone, just say so and I'll stop bothering you. I was the cause of plenty of confusion in the past, I saw the mistake of my old ways and I'd like to have some clarity. Just know this. I will respect whatever your decision will be, as long as we talk like adults.

My whole family is retarded

>>34400340
I want a decent job and get married to a kind woman.. For fucks sake my family has fucked this up for me up to now.

If I can only get an interesting job going.. I can get going with my objectives.

M, I still don't want you to be a joke to people from the ghetto for hooking up with me, so I am still gonna try to be the best man I can be and grow into it.

https://youtu.be/dUQjGpm5Kr8?si=9cjBLcQK7o_Mazga
Mood: frustration towards myself.

I can't believe how slowly /b/ moves compared to the old days.

What am I supposed to do at 34 years old? Everybody has vanished and nobody goes out anymore, am I destined for step-fatherhood or eternal lonliness for the rest of my life?

I started smoking a pipe. I enjoy it more than vaping. Vaping felt disgusting and fast paced. Pipe calms, no inhale, just calm.

>>34400499
Short answer is no, you're not. But I refuse to elaborate.

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>>34400340
Even though it's just an eating disorder, I feel like I've been diagnosed with a terminal disease. I can't get off this path no matter how hard I try. Every two steps forward i make, I take four back. My only hope is a therapist but more therapists suck than don't suck so I'm not holding my breath that it's the way out.

By my estimate, I have about till October or November before my body is so wasted that I can't properly do my job. I fear that's probably a generous estimate though. I ride my bike to work as well so I'm also worried that winter may just kill me. Even knowing all of this, I still can't stop no matter how hard I try. My doctor is starting to get very worried yet there's not a lot I can do. Everything looks very bleak right now. I feel like I'm tied to railroad tracks and can see the train coming.

I don't know how many more chances my boyfriend is going to give me before I just break. I told him today he can break up with me if he wants but he's clearly not going to. I mean, would you dump a redhead with big boobs and a big butt that wants to fuck you all the time and acts crazy, but otherwise is trad and cooks and cleans? Of course not. He thinks he can fix me. But I have something worse going on that he doesn't even know. I tried to talk about my problems with AI and even the AI is freaked out. My family just treats me like a lost cause. I have no friends. I have no idea what is feeling me aside from hatred. I love my boyfriend, my mom and my dog. I have to fake so much of my life. I don't even know what part of me is a real person anymore?. My boyfriend said I was extremely irritating yesterday and that hurt me because I felt extremely happy. I guess I am always just going to be like this.

I want to be able to find religion and accept Christianity like so many others are able to but there are things about it and it’s followers that just irk me. It frustrates me because whenever I try to ask people online about how to handle the parts of the Bible that are disturbing me, they almost always get offended and will act like I am insulting them.

I wish I could ask the questions I have online but every time it has led to either the people getting offended and being aggressive, deflection and non-answers, or people just insulting the religion. I refuse to visit /his/ because it is so antagonistic and so many of the people there argue like religion is politics

>>34400573
This always baffled me about Christianity, especially now when the church is falling on such hard times. Rather than trying to sway you to the faith, they act weirdly aggressive about it and who wants to join a faith who's member's first reaction to a prospective member is aggression? I've tried to re-join the church a few times now but it always feels like the people I talk with are trying to beat me into submission rather than convert or welcome me back into the fold. I've found a new religion because of it so they really showed me what for I guess lol

>>34400340
I have been rapidly developing an age-regression kink since my 28th birthday, and this has directly corresponded to experiencing some bipolar mixed state that I should see a doctor about (but I won't). With one semester left in a largely successful CS degree, I'm in talks with a foreign language faculty advisor to switch majors. This is the third time I've done this, so I've been in undergrad for 8 years.

im grateful for all the beauty in the world
im grateful for everything i receive
my mind is powerful and i put it to use
im incredibly blessed .˚+ ⊹

>>34400602
I find it hard to believe that you needed to get that off your chest. You are a weak person to take delight in the suffering of others. Though I suffer, I am not as childishly strange as you. You give comfort in that.

>34400614
i repel your negativity

>>34400628
I amplify it with my evil beam. Nobody says stuff for no reason. Grow up.

>>34400632
i dont see anything wrong with my post? sorry if you thought something else. you have a lovely day anon, God bless

It's such a hassle to have to shave your face every day
but I look like a hobo if I don't
I hate how much maintenance the human body requires

>>34400659
Why not get ipl or electrolysis

>>34400646
You have a huge narcissism problem. You think everybody is stupider than you. I don't even feel bad for you because it's not something you can fix. All you can do is be less of an asshole. We both know your post was not in good faith. Stop being a little creep.

>>34400539
I used to compulsively eat as a coping mechanism too. If therapists don't work for you, consider talking with AI. You may find that idea abhorrent but AI in therapist mode taught me a few things actual therapist refused to teach me, such as overcoming mental blocks.
Also, try replacing the bad habits with something productive. In my case I took up on stretching as I can't go to the gym right now. I really wish I could do more to help you but I'm not psychologist. I wish I had that skillset and what I read isn't enough just yet.

we had a fight yesterday (he was arguing at me and coming in slamming doors so i slept on the couch), so today i canceled the plans to have my sis come over for easter at our place and just spent the whole day walking around town alone. the campus was closed today so i walked around there alone, enjoying the sunny weather and drinking a coke, it felt abandoned because there was nobody and the whole town was pretty empty as well. it was sorta fun but feel so lonely. and i felt even lonelier when i came home .
i think neither of us want to "make up" this time. i'm tired of always being the one who comes to him and tries to makr everything okay. and he isn't coming to apologize to me either, he never would. and i think he's enjoying this whole drama he created, the best thing i can do now is to just not engage with his arguing and make an escape plan.

it's funny when you realize that a specific day that at first felt just ordinary, like every other day, is likely going to be the last day you ever slept together with your partner, the last day they ever smiled at you or you smiled at them.

>>34400677
What Ai therapy did you use?

>>34400677
I don't have BED, I have anorexia. Like so bad that I called the ED recovery center and they told me that unless I commit to 24/7 care for 6-8 weeks, they won't accept me kind of bad. I'm in a really dark, bad place right now. That call has been living in my head for three days straight. I've been debating whether or not to eat one cup of yogurt before work for two hours and chickening out because i've lost the plot.

I think I'll try AI therapy as well because a lot of therapists are shockingly incapable of handling these things at even a basic level. I've only had maybe 3 or 4 that didn't act retarded in how they dealt with me.

All I want in my life is decent professional activity to pay my bills and fulfill my obligations towards my son and have a lifetime wife that wouldn't treat me like shit, like the mother of my child did as soon as she started being orthodox and religious again (I don't mind religion that much but she cares more about the Easter bunny I will bring to the kid than if I die on the streets, same goes for my parents, my mother being old and sick and my father being an old greedy dickhead after covid).

I have a gap in my curriculum vitae that isn't that bad if I hear what people say, but otherwise decent experience.

I have tried everything, hundreds of applications with coaching, good luck charms, praying, self improvement, psychology and medical check ups to see if anything was wrong (and I am fine), etc... Nothing works..

I recently asked a cool guy I worked with before to see if he could hear about anything work related, thankfully he said he was okay despite I don't like asking for these kind of favours.

That said if I don't have a job within a month or two, I am utmostly out of any possibility of having a normal stable life again. I don't suppose posting on 4chan does anything, but I guess it helps venting.

If I don't get a silver lining very soon, I really hope I can at least end my life before hitting utmost misery. Shitty life isn't for me.

>>34400734
Hopefully you get the job. You're ex wife or wife needs to be unbrainwashed. That type of shit the Easter Bunny type of shit shouldn't matter—that's not any type of religion. Your wife's an idiot. Im sorry you got delt a a shitty hand. You will get the job. And youll teach your children not to care about commercialism holidays and care about real things. Godspeed op

>>34400710
I asked ChatGPT "how can I overcome a thought that I can't get out of my mind" and it gave me an excerpt from ACT therapy which is "think X problem is making me feel Y emotion. I don't need to think about X and I don't need to feel Y emotion right now". It does work, but it's something better suited to so to say emergencies, for situations where you have to get a certain emotion out of your mind RIGHT NOW. It does have repercussions in the long term if you don't let whatever emotions out in other ways like lifting or meditation or introspection. It also works without fail, it's not like the "observe your thoughts as if they are a leaf on a river" which doesn't work if you actively engage with them.

>>34400715
Damn, I feel bad for you. I've only ever had the opposite problem and I can't even image what it feels like to be in such a kind of situation. I suppose if I were to walk in your shoes I'd willpower my way into eating, I'd probably think "what would [random determined fictional character] do in this situation? if I don't eat right now I'll regret it later today" and force myself to eat.
And yes, like I said before I had similar situations with dealing with psychologists IRL. Their advice for when it came with overcoming things I asked was more often than not "just do it bro how hard can it be". I don't resent them. I'm sure many psychologist are great at their job, I just had bad luck with those I interacted with so far. Good luck, anon. I hope you can overcome your eating disorder.

>>34400743
I've been trying to willpower my way into it and it does succeed at times but well... it's bad. It's really, really, really bad. I keep trying to get myself unstuck but i've come to realize that i am incapable of doing it on my own anymore which is why i've been reaching out for help. I just had no idea how bad the situation was, they literally will not admit me unless I stay at the 24/7 center so they can slowly increase my intake. Anything less might end up severely hurting me or worse. Some days I win, most days I don't. It's a vision of hell.

It's so true with therapists lol. So few of them have actual good advice to offer and so few of them will even just listen for two god damn seconds. If I could just explain my situation in full, maybe there would be some conclusions me and a therapist could draw but they rarely give me the opportunity. Always have to stop mid point and do whatever useless exercise or try to do this or that. It's exhausting. The best therapists I've had are ones that listen to my story and my feelings fully and THEN try talking me through it. Thank you for wishing me luck, god knows I'll need it...

>>34400763
It seems we have radically different mindsets... When I couldn't bring myself to do something in the past it usually was because I was smoking way too much weed or drinking every day. I did willpower myself to be more productive, but once I stopped I got much better. I gained back a lot of mental clarity and stability or consistency on top of discipline.
As for the therapist, I don't mean to be rude or direct or anything but that may be a problem of "weak boundary enforcement" on your part. I used to be like that too in the past. I'd reccomend you books about how to overcome that if I had read any. I would suppose "Never split the difference", a book on how to conduct negotiations by a former FBI officer may work for you but that's not exactly what that book is about. I have even spicier books in my backlog, but I don't feel like reccomening stuff I haven't read yet. And thank you as well. Trying to give you some advice made me feel better even if it didn't solve my own problems.

https://youtu.be/aQOfHYHJjwk?si=o8PFkHV8luLvotm3

it's over.

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>>34400978

People are still trying to determine whether I deserve a drivers license? Have u made up your mind yet? This is taking a while.

My girlfriend and first love of 7 years blocked me on everything 5 months ago and ghosted me without a word, lost my job soon after. Haven't left the house a single time since she left, thinking about suicide every day and I'm at the lowest point of my life so far. I think about her every day and cry myself to sleep each night. I fantasize about hunting her down and killing her family for revenge

>>34401022
accurate

I think I got an STD. I tried a prostitute for the first time, its the first person I've been with since a breakup years ago. I used protection and she seemed responsible. But now I am going insane

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>>34401048
Sorry to hear that anon, I've been there. It does eventually get better, but its not quick and its not easy.

>>34401043
It was hours early before drop off schedule so it was probably a test. Unfortunately if I don’t address it then I may be misrepresented without my word on it and if I address it then it shifts the focus of my posts away from the very serious situation regarding doppelgängers inside the house I grew up. By all means.

>>34401048
Get your life together. Find things you like.

I will be naming the superior court judge here if they fail me Wednesday.

>>34401062
I'm 25. I don't think it's going to get better. I already had trust issues which are now worse tenfold, I don't think I'll ever be able to love or be loved ever again after such a betrayal. How can someone do that to another person, especially to someone they've spent almost every single day of 7 years with blows my mind. Stupid bitch told me she wanted to get married and have kids just to leave me for dead. She ruined my life and stole 7 years from my prime. I fucking hate women. I hate this world and I want to kill everything.

>>34400715
You probably look best at like 5% under weight but only if you are 5% overweight for 1/3 of the month. Are you anorexic for a reason besides aesthetic or if it is aesthetic is there something causing that desire? Is it about control? Hybrid?

I find school bus test is a good idea as long as the children are instructed accordingly.

If the other superior court judge scheduled to sentence me for my arson trial decides to grant me mercy I would be grateful because I can understand why I am viewed as concerning. I’m doing better than I used to and I’m putting effort into working on myself still.

>>34401134
What does this even mean jajajaja

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I believe I have paid what I owe however I am willing to comply with an order to provide the money that the insurance company is seeking from me if that is requested however it will take me a long time to complete.

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I don’t pass my debts to Jesus because I don’t think that Jesus promised to clear anyone’s debt.

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I believe that forgiveness is to lose anger and feel at peace. I don’t believe that forgiveness is a pardon of punishment or an approval of sin or a release of debt.

>>34400340
Do you ever think about me?
Do you ever look back and say whoops I might have lost the love of my life
Am I going crazy?

I think that being born again is humbling yourself and accepting God’s love. I don’t think that gratitude of God’s love is required but if u humble yourself u should be grateful. I think it’s ok to be angered with God’s love and I think Jesus represented God’s love. Jesus wanted God to forgive those who know not what they do and forgiveness is partly a choice. I believe that blaspheme of God’s love is never a sin that is forgiven but u are not a sin. U are a child of God or a a child of man. Criticizing God’s love. Does that hurt God’s love? No. I don’t believe so. The lies however. Do they know that Jesus shared the word of God? Do they know how to learn? Do they know what they do? It sounds to me like part of God’s love is granting eternal life to whoever believes that it wasn’t anything other than fear which made Adam hide. I think that humbling yourself involves understanding that it isn’t hatred in the source of man that keeps man away from God. I think it’s fear. If the apple provided all truth to Adam then wouldn’t he had not been afraid? Well there’s a separation between conception of knowledge and feeling. To understand u must have a proper grasp on both. Too much knowledge without the ability to process it with nerves and feelings and lack of experience can take time to manage and sort out. I believe that part of God’s love is that u are granted free will to do good or bad and that u will be judged for your sins and your sins can lead u to hell. Hell is an eternal fiery furnace and I hope that it is for purification of the spirit rather than eternal torment even if I don’t believe that it’s where I am headed.

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To corrupt a child is to harm the representation of God’s love.

To accept God’s love even if u don’t understand it. That’s what I believe being born again is.

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Do u understand God’s love? Do u understand why u hold anger?

>>34401512
I don’t know if you are him but I think about it all the time.

>>34401599
Yes people suck and are influenced too much in social media especially retarded women/girls.

>>34400340
I FUCKING HATE WOMEN SO god damn MUCH FUCK. THEY"RE AWFUL. FUCK THEM.

>>34401512
We don't know each other

>>34401790
Im sorry anon people suck, especially those wamen

I had a shit day yesterday and today I go see my parents and my mom said that i "looked beat." My friends continue to treat me like a third wheel and two guys who say they want to hang the next time they're free go hang out together and don't even bother to invite me. My work sucks ass and my coworkers are 90% fucking retards who can't actually do work properly and yet I'm probably going to get fired for losing my shit and I came extremely close last night.

Sorry I don't have a girlfriend. Sorry I'm not the most hyperoptimistic normal faggot in the world who can smile at everyone and look on the bright side. Sorry I don't have infinite money to go out every weekend. Sorry that i'm fat and short and unfuckable.

I just want to be treated like a human being and not a piece of garbage. Like holy fuck is that really too much to ask???

>>34401960
Internet hug anon.

>>34401874
That's not me, I would never ask such a thing.

>>34402028
Yeah I guess you're right

>>34400363
Had a really good day

Therapy and this self help channel I found has honestly made me realize that I am the victim and that I really need to get rid of everyone left around me.

>>34401960

Honestly this youtube channel has helped me a shit on. I swear it's not Andrew Tate bullshit or libshit "just b ur self!" therapy talk.

https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG/videos

>>34402068
Another satisfied customer.

>>34400851
The willpower, unfortunately, works against me. Anorexia is all about willpower and the high you get from overcoming to the utmost extreme is indescribable. It's like doing drugs for me. Willpowering out of it is challenging but without that high you get from the reverse which makes it excruciating. I tried it today in fact and my god I hate it. My stomach hurts, I'm annoyed, I went wildly from too much energy to dead on my feet... when I fast it's a nice, consistent energy even if it's tired. The overwhelming anxiety didn't help things. Plus this is a matter of pride. I feel like it invalidates everything I've struggled so hard to achieve if I quit now, even if not quitting may very well kill me.

It definitely is, without a doubt lol. I'm far, far to agreeable for my own good until someone tries to take my ED from me, then, and only then, do I start putting my foot down. It's so, so fucking hard to get unstuck from this once you're in so deep. Everything about an ED incentivizes you to continue and recovery feels like a punishment, not a release. It's a chinese finger trap where the harder you pull, the tighter it clenches your fingers.

I think I might be going insane. That sounds extreme but it is true. For the longest time I thought mania was hyperactivity, but I looked it up and it's actually just obsession. When I found the behavior of insane characters in popular media started to make sense. More alarming, I noticed it in myself. I don't know what happened to trigger but since 2020 I've found myself obsessing over things. Sometimes it's something silly like an TV show or idea, but other times it's something more worrying like a disease; that's why I writing this. The current disease I'm obsessed with is diabetes. I looked up the symptoms of it because before I lost access to a doctor they said my B12 levels were high. Now, this could be because at the time I was eating almost exclusively cereal, and had been doing so for months at that point, I never found out because I didn't get that finally blood test. That was almost five years ago and my obsession and fear has only increased. I've become hyper-aware of my habits; how much sugar/carbs I consume, how many times a day i go to pee, minor changes in vision, sleeping habits, and etc. I'm not being histrionic when I say every time eat or drink something, regardless of how little sugar it has, and I know it has sugar, I swear my vision will change for a bit. This happens literally every time I eat or sometimes when I drink something with sugar (like milk or coffee with creamer). I've considered only surviving on water or chicken broth but too little carbs/sugar can also give you diabetes too. I'm trapped in a loop of eating once a day, having blurry vision (supposedly) for a minute or less, spending the next couple hours obsessing over diabetes--looking up symptoms, reading articles, and worrying--calming down in the middle of the night, and repeating the same thing next day when I go to eat my one meal a day. Today it was so bad I couldn't hold it and almost called emergency services or uber to come and take me to the hospital.

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>>34401100
I don't really look it unless I'm undressed. It's really starting to show in my thighs and my ribs are beginning to tug at my skin. This is why I assumed I had a lot more time than what I actually seem to have.

A lot of reasons. It started after a long bout of abuse in childhood and the aftermath left me needing a cope so this is what I found. Today though it's a very complicated mess... it plays a lot on my need for competency (I've been a neet for most of my life because i'm so mentally ill so this sorta "proves it wrong") and I'm a naturally uptight person who holds myself to a perfectionist standard. This also blots out practically any issue I have in my life so only anorexia remains. I focus on nothing else other than weight loss, cals and exercise. It's a narcotic feeling to me, like I'm conquering the whole world that everyone said I couldn't do. I can do it better than anyone else, even my ana friends. They're worried for me lol. That should discourage me from going forward, but it feels like a triumph and proof that I am not just a useless layabout who's only a burden.

I've fucked up my life with weed and laziness and now it's coming back to bite me. I need to be done with my internship by May but I'm only like a third of the way done; if I don't complete it I don't graduate. Parents are mad with me, rightfully so, and are threatening to fuck up my shit. It's all my fault

Baby don't cry
Hope you got your head up
Even when the road is hard, never give up

>>34400565
Is there a time you ever felt real? Maybe you just are unhappy with your boyfriend. I would do back to the time you were happy

>>34400743
That doesn't sound healthy or the person being themselves at all

>>34401048
I know a guy who is toxic like that from Texas. She is right to leave you if you are like just person

>>34402284
That sucks, and seems really convoluted but at least you seem to be pretty self-aware about it.

Some people are literally just whole ass robots anymore. Programmed robots. No soul there, never has been.

>>34402498
Beep

>>34402509
Boop

Was it an act of courage, or am I just suicidal?

>>34402267
I've learned at my own expense unwarranted pride always does more bad than good... Anyway, I hope you can overcome your eating disorder problem, anon.

>>34402472
What, the thought suppression method I mentioned?
It definitely isn't healthy in the long run, but consider this. Suppose being myself causes me to do more harm than good, generally speaking. Suppose I am aware of that, I accepted my nature and I working to change it, but I'm in a situation where I haven't changed enough just yet, for example I can't effectively regulate and process anxiety or anger yet: that's when that method I mentioned comes into play. Like I implied before, it's a patchwork for emergencies, not a mantra to live by.
... I'm probably talking about this with someone that knows psychology much better than I do...

Something happened and now I can't stop thinking of you, what could of been, what still can be... All thise daydreams of you and I, how you make me feel. Would you still love me even after all this time?

>>34402068
Yeah, this is why some therapy and other channels shouldn't exist. Almost no one can live alone, society has made it so that people have to live with one another.

>>34401790
I can understand why. There are so many whores and hookers in the country I live in. And with feminism and stupid LGBTQ shit around, they are made victims while all they have to do is be cute and spread their legs. The ones that don't sell their bodies are so fucking pampered it's just disgusting.

I have a special disgust for mother's. I have a kid and seeing how their rights too often get the upper hand is just fucked up.

I still think there are good women out there but as long as I don't meet one, I won't get too close to any of them.

>>34402881
I keep slipping into this moment if looking into your eyes and loving you, love me again. Then it turns to lust. All these things I wanted, still want you to do to me. Me with you. How your first touch will feel like, your kiss. Your...

>>34400340
I find it... I don't want to say funny, but a few months ago I said I still think about her, have conversations in my head where all I could do was lose, and one of them popped into my head, but instead of trying to reconcile with her, make her feel better, I just mentally threw her off
Mentally asked myself why I'd want her mangy BPD cunt?
Just being able to tell her, even in the depths of my own head, that I loved her, she had her chance, enjoy being someone else's cum dumpster is a strangely cathartic thing, after 3 years of not being able to even get close to this, it feels nice to finally actually start to heal.
As silly as it sounds kek.

>>34402940
I'm my case it's best not to assume of her, same if her assumptions of me. I am excited for even she is with me and it will work out with us.

>>34403022
Englisch bitte?
What I want is to mentally separate from her to where I don't think about her at all. I'm moving forward, slowly.

>>34403064
That's specific to you.
And
>In my case it's best not to assume of her, same of her assumptions of me. I am excited for when she is with me and it will work out with us

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I wish you were here, with me.

I can make it Hurricane on it
Hunnid bands, make it rain on it
Tie it up, put a chain on it
Make you tattoo my name on it

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Why did I think it was a good idea to take that hike before another long Caturday? Another day of living with bad decisions.

Tiger
You're so cute and interesting, I can't stop thinking about you and I'd really love to properly get to know you, meet you and build something together
I know what I did last evening made you angry. I didn't mean to... I thought I was talking with you. Please be patient with me. I know I sometimes I make you very angry, but I want to reassure you that's not my intention
And... After some introspection I realized you were hurting while I've been gone and you felt uncomfortable by my unwillingness to put myself out there. Pining for a boy that's retreating in a shell instead of solving the mess he caused. I have to swallow my unwarranted pride if I want to be with you and I have to still do some improvement and read things I normally would prefer not reading, again, out of unwarranted pride and the absurd presumption I could go abouit my way, the stubborn "I know better than anyone and I'm always right" way. I can't make us happy that way. It was a lesson I learned the hard way
Hopefully I see you again in my dreams, again, looking forward to a better tomorrow where we're happy, together
With love

mosts of the threads in this board request reassurance or attention, not advice

>>34400386
I relate to this, somewhat. Winning feels less like winning and more like relief that I didn't lose.

Wow i cant believe you did that! Youre so heartless and u grateful. Hes obviously trying to be nice and get a long with you and youre straight up being a childish immature brat! Smh

>>34400433
If you wake up and run into a retard. Then he is retarded.
But if you wake up ande everyone is retarded. Then you are the retarded one

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Three years later, I still miss my dog and think about her a lot. She could read me better than any human.

I really need to be with someone who doesn't get bored to tears whenever I talk about my interests. I'm not even asking for much. I just want someone to appreciate how my mind works.

>>34403543
The CUTEST dogg
I'm sorry for your loss anon.

You are hands down pants down, the BIGGEST BITCH in the entire observable universe!

>be me
>telling story
>say i went somewhere with my mom and her boyfriend
>person im talking to misheard it as mom and my boyfriend
JUST

>>34403739
ha you're gay

Looksmax/chadmax or troonmax? Odd dubs = latter, even = the former.

>>34403757
Limbo max it seems.

>>34400340
It looks like i'm not going to lure her in. It's likely over.

>>34403788
Did Ted Bundy write this?

I really really hate every single one of my family, friends and neighbors, those who contributed to my destruction while pretending they were being good.
They are evil.
Pure evil.

>>34403911
Don't blame them. Everybody thinks they're the "good" one, otherwise how would they live with themselves?

I know I'm not in any position to establish boundaries between us, however reading something gave me the impression you're doing or going to do something that's going to hurt me even if you want to be discreet about it... If you want me to let go of you, please just say so. I'll respect your decision and cherish the memories. What I felt, what happened between us, the good and the bad, mostly the good, and the idea of what could have been. Just know you are my first choice, you have been for a long time, I was in denial about it for a long time, and there isn't anyone else I'd want to be with right now that isn't you.

>>34403911
Yeah same, I never found what I did to deserve being treated like this.

>>34403919
I have no idea who you are.

Virtue at all costs.

>>34403698
This is a REALLY great post of a REALLY particular writing style.

>>34403969
Hoe virtue.

I am the only one here.

My dick is just too big for everyone it's crazy

>>34403919
Stop wasting my time and move forward with your life.

Guys...I'm..........gassy. sobbing emoji, monkey emoji, peach emoji, volcano emoji, joy emoji, skull emoji, 100 emoji.

I feel like I'm never going to find anyone because I always just get friendzoned by everyone. And I'm convinced that everyone hates me.

I want to off myself again.

I hope her inbred alien family finds her soon a fitting husband. no time on earth erases the humiliation done by both of your sand nigger friends, I hope you know that

>>34403457
What happened

I want to be fren but he loves someone else.

>>34404179
I was too..prrrffffttt.

I have about $75k worth of tools. Even though I have the money to afford them, I feel weird buying such high quality stuff when I'm no longer a mechanic and just fix mine, friends', and family's stuff on the side.

I miss my ex from a couple years ago so fucking much. He's perfect to me

Sometimes my head is so silent. The end of winter had me fixed into a survival pattern. Wake up, eat, sleep, work, study, sleep. Repeat after a night of lurking. When I’m not outside trying to get lost along the trees I need something to stimulate the ol thinker. Books? Got em. I enjoy learning Japanese but the bite size kanji lessons make me want to scream. Open up void let me scream into you tonight. That’s a little bit better.

I remember teasing my sister that she should chat up some ai boyfriends back a few years ago. She was always like 'um hell no' even though I'd usually prod her like once a year on average.
I just installed sillytavern for the first time after casually using websites for all these years, and a conversation from a year or so ago suddenly stuck out to me. She left her phone sitting with the sillytavern prompts pulled up, and she panicked when I looked over and saw it (I was just curious because the page was interesting, looks like an intense settings page). She kind of sperged like YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING- and she didn't believe me when I said I didn't know what it was anyway. Then within a day or two I happened to tease about chatting up the ai again and in retrospect I realize she was throwing shade at me for using sites like a pleb instead of installing a private instance like the patricians. She just kind of was like 'heh even if I were gonna do that why would I use someone else's software instead of something I can completely customize' and I was confused like omg she doesn't even know you can make your own bots???

So yeah I feel like a clueless head in the sand retard rn. My sister who knows less about coding than I do has been sexing up bots all this time and doing it way more sophisticatedly than I have, lol.

Outside of work in my company, i have no one in my corner to make use of these gains, no one to be the champion of and attain a goal together.

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My dad passed. He was 52.

At first I felt completely normal.
Can’t afford to take time off work. I will for the funeral. But my head’s all fucked up. I can’t work. I can’t focus, I can’t do my job.
I’m only 28. I know people twice my age who still have their dads. I feel like my life hasn’t even started and he’s already gone.
Fuck.

>>34404064
People all over the internet type this way. Don't go schizo over anonymous posters.

>facebob post "ur gonna marry somebody in 2027 click to see them"
>scroll

When I was fat I thought that thin and pretty people were like a different species and I assumed they were always hanging out with their friends. I assumed everyone on here and the Internet in general was fat and ugly like me. Now I am thin and pretty still stuck on here. My appearance changed but my mind didn't, and I feel lost.

Since my looks have changed people talk to me so much more IRL. They quickly leave me alone once they hear me speak. I feel like such an imposter; not at all the well adjusted human being they're expecting. I never expected or prepared for people to want to talk to me.

>>34401057
Get tested if you haven't already.

Half a day to sort. Another half to toss and pack. 3rd time in a decade I will be leaving somewhere with my clothes and just a few things. Opposite coast for a few weeks then pack and move again to where I'm told. I've never stayed in one long and I've never held onto any connections. This time it's intentional. Nonstop shuffling around since 2 or 3. I give up on a home because I don't think I'd be comfortable at this point regardless of how good it is. That dream is gone forever. Wondering how my story ends.

I don't know what that specific trope is called, but I get off so hard to the idea of seeing a person live a normal life, only to see them get dicked down heavy in a different picture immediately after.
Like seeing someone in a famous ad get a video leaked of them getting pinned and fucked.

I've also jacked off whenever my neighbors does (or I think they do) fuck in the other room and I try listening to them from the wall.
It's funny too because I don't think I've really had another time where I had someone actually had sex in the room next to me.
But whenever I walk past a dorm that sounds like they're fucking, I stop to try to hear for a little bit, and then I go back to my place to beat off.

Damn I'm very sex addicted

Got off to some extremely degenerate pornography, didn't enjoy it, feel legitimately ashamed of myself.

>>34405339
Ew.

I should of just flown to you then. I shouldn't of let all the years pass. You are the only one I've ever wanted to fuck me. I still think about all the ways you would take me.

If I message you now, will you let me fly over now? Would you take my virginity? Would you let me stay? Would you marry me? I do love you.

I wonder if you remember that today is my birthday. Hearing from you is the only thing I really want.

The only few things of being an adult are drinking and smoking
Yet even then those can get you in big trouble for so little
A while ago I and a few friends had planned to meet at a friend's house, to drink and not much else
Personally my mission was to drinking as much as I could
The beginning was not only slow but quite annoying, one of my friends came in with some kind of problem, trying to redeem a gift card and other stuff with their credit card
This friend couldn't drink, she has a job and also lives with her parents so she only came there to fucking bring her problems in
If she could just mind her own business, there wasn't any need to get so fucking vocal with how much google was fucking you over with a gift card
The other two were drinking at their own speed
She left after a while, so at the house where me and the other two friends
Fast forward a few cans and other mixed beers in, we got hungry so we went for pizzas at a convenience store, and also cigarettes
After that my memory is a bit blurry, but the last thing I remember is that we agreed we were pretty drunk, so we went to sleep by then (11pm)
And that's were the last few things I remember, me trying to reach at my friends feet, and suck/lick on them
One of them is a girl and the other is a guy, just like me
It was pretty dark and I wasn't myself
Black out
And then I was on the back of a police car, completely lost as to how did I got there
The officers were taking me to the hospital, to see if I had anything to take care of
The doctor just gave me a few questions, and after that I was good to go
At the police station, I got my stuff confiscated, and also they took off from my handcuffs, of which I still have cramps on my wrists to this day
Then I was thrown to my cell, completely petrified by what was going on
Even then, I didn't remember what happened before that, completely blank, so I had thought of all the possible scenarios
1/2

>>34405391
I do but I'll only say directly

>>34405229
Deep.

>>34405438
I wish I had a chance to see her in person, maybe I'll be around town during the day.

>>34405426
That maybe I crashed out, gotten angry, maybe I said something obscene and my friends call on the cops
And yeah, that was pretty much it, but in the moment I didn't knew
I also didn't knew I sucked on my friends feet, the chick and the guy, especially the chick since she has some pretty cute feet
But even then, what I remember was me trying to do it
Apparently, I did it, she told me that, but also revealed me as to how much shit went down
I thore down one of her chairs, took off a water pipe, and vomited on the street and ran off
That when she decided to call the cops,so I wouldn't get run off by a car
Jesus...
Since then I've felt many things
Shame and frustration, becuse the reason for me to do so much bullshit, was becuse when my friends noticed how much of a dick I was, they tried to call on some relatives, so they could take me home
Apparently that was the thing that got me so angry, because when they asked me for my cell phone I responded something like
>durr I'm an adult and I can take care of myself
And also some jealousy, because my drunk self was capable of doing the things I often could dream of (feet sucking)
And I just got the punishment of reality, sleeping on a cell, wondering what the fuck is going on?

>>34405372
>>34405374
Where are you flying from?

>>34405490
Texas

>>34405450
Eh that's on her to add me and prove I should still love her after these years we are apart

>>34405510
Princess treatment faggot. She deserves a man who didn’t screw up the way you did. You fumbled a goddess for easy hoes.

>>34405568
No she's the one who fucked up. She will show up on her knees for me. I don't care that it's been a couple years. She will serve my every desire.

Well yeah, I did the same thing I did around 8 years ago and now I'm more alone than ever. Hits harder too now. Cutting off everyone I know just because of brainworms. Maybe it's better this way because I finally will go outside and do...uh...something. Something better than staying inside and moping around.
Its almost been a year since I've voiced my retarded opinion to the public when most of my circle told me to shut it. And then it started to fall apart more than before and I saw who were people who would stay with me even then and people who just saw me as a punching bag. Thought I wouldn't bother her anymore but all it did was bringing me closer and wanting to tell her that I'm sorry but not even that would've fixed it. And now that I deleted all of my socials and even cut out those who were once close to me but now not anymore, it really hits me how my life would've been better if I just shut the fuck up.

Please just bring me back home

Tiger
I never made amends to you for having tried to meet someone else on Valentine's day instead of you. It was out of cowardice, foolishness. They live geographically close to where I used to live and that was the easy path for me to take.
You are a beautiful, wonderful, interesting woman and I accept I've been a bad influence on you.
Thank you for having held a mirror against me and making me realize how much of a bad person I was, and still am to an extent not even I am completely sure of.
You don't want to have anything with me anymore and I accept this. As I let you go, all I can ask you is to forgive me. I won't go after anyone else for a while out of respect for you and the what could have been.

I remember last Easter, the weather being far nicer, I remember the adventure trying to find a nice meal together.
Who would have thought the relationship would have ended so soon after, though I never did comfort you when you cried. But after not telling your parents that many times, I wasn't surprised, nor shocked, nor obliged, all I wanted was to make the most out of a lovely day with you nevertheless.

I'm too soft, caring makes me actually end up loving someone, and this woman is one of the few people that I've shown genuine care that has given back the same way, still I've never overstepped some boundaries, I'm not paying for her things. But she's so kind to me, and I know she's been hurt, humiliated, made to feel worthless and ugly, so I make sure to remind her every now and then that she's pretty.
I was into her romantically for a bit, but that didn't go anywhere, so I let that go, we became great friends.
Yesterday she was feeling well sorts of down, I'm in my hometown rn, but we talked as much as we wanted, periodically during but all throughout the day, I wish I was there to hug her and let her cry while I'm her steady rock.
I know some people are gonna think I'm some beta doing this while someone is banging her, truth is no one is, a bunch of dudes tried, I guess her days as a wife were too traumatic, I know someone exactly like her.

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I'm having weird SH urges again and they're fucking eating me raw, so much i decided to come back to 4chan after almost a decade of not using it LOL . Found out all my forums about SH advice are now shutdown and i dont have places to look for advice regarding it anymore, so if anyone here or around here is also into it...talk to me? and no dont try convincing me otherwise, people drink, people smoke, people do stuff that's "stupid" for reasons they see fit and so do I :) <3

>>34405745
Self harm is gay lol.

I just had a dream where she was in it. Fuck. I miss her and I didn't even date her.

Let me have a bit of self-pity, everyone else has it in spades.... So with that Happy Easter, and happy birthday soon you useless old maple fuck. No matter how many decades you stumble through the dark looking for some small amount of light. You will not find it, you exist to be used and discarded. This is your life, it doesn't get any better then this. At least you have a job, and can drink the expensive alcohol so the hang over won't be as awful.

>>34405772
I keep dreaming of my ex. We broke up 5 years ago and I miss him so much. He made me happy. I still hope he accepts me when I talk to him.

I really hope you aren't doing anything with him. Stop fucking doing coke you junkie. Why are the people you hang out with so fucking exhausting?

>>34405501
Don't do it, you'll just get led on, cheated on used. You're gonna the same mistakes.

>>34405854
That's what happens to you.

It works out for me because we are made for each other

I've been writing him a letter confessing I still love him. How he is everything to me and id do anything to be his. Putting it in the package I should sent back then. I know he will respond and love me. I just know it.

>>34405861
You're delusional and it will happen to you. See you on the news.