Hello, this is where Reddit told me that I can speak to incel types. I don't mean that in a mean way just that it's like, where people who are sort of lonely and bitter hang out. To make a long story short, I am trying to maybe try to date a guy I am pretty sure is an incel. He posts a lot of angry things on his instagram, the diagrams with all the girls pointing to the guys, quotes about like not dating women because they are selfish, that sort of thing. He complains about women not liking him. I was best friends with him when we were kids. I used to daydream about us falling in love all the time and I cried when my family moved away. We haven't seen each other in nearly ten years, he has no idea I exist or am going to the same college as him. I grew up to be a bit of a loser, so I'm worried he will not care even if I do approach him, a lot of his posts talk about deserving this or that, and I'm nothing special. I'm overweight, I'm asian with a round face, I'm not very popular or talented, but we used to get along so well. We both loved Ninjago and Teen Titans and would write stories together. Is there any way or special tips to try to be successful if I want to make him like me again? I am already planning on exercising and trying to lose some weight but aside from the obvious. Are there incel-specific things I should know about? Thank you if anyone replies, this means a lot to me.I tried asking this on R9K, but it was removed and I was told to ask here, so I am trying this now.
Lmfao.
>>34400352A lot of incels are stacysexual fakecels, so your levels of success may vary. If he's autistic, you need to be very obvious about your interest. If he's friendly after you meet up, you could try bringing up his online activity and express concern for his wellbeing. You need to be very careful here as it might blow up in your face. Oh and compliment him.
this is really cute so i hope this is sincere. just reach out to him. he might’ve gone through things that make him distrusting or something like that. what do you mean he posts about deserving this or that? like he wants a specific type of woman?talk to him like you would anyone else, be honest and all that shit. if he’s actually lonely i’m sure he’d like to see you again
>>34400366Yes, I'm very worried it will blow up in my face. I'm not totally sure what "stacysexual fakecels" means. I'm scared that just speaking and trying to be friendly won't work, he seems like he has a big resentment, he's said some aggressive things online and is usually rude to other girls on campus, so I'm trying to find out if there's a good way to approach him without setting off alarm bells. In the R9K thread I thought of maybe bringing him some of the old lego minifigs we used to play with (he was Jay and I was Nya) to remind him of good memories, but then I also worried it could seem childish or insulting to him. I just do not want to mess this up, I might not get another chance.
>asian"Herro incer, prease breed my asian pusse"
>>34400376Bringing Lego figures might be coming on too strong. Just be patient with him if he acts rude as he sounds very immature. Give him your phone number or Instagram or whatever, so he has a chance to apologize in case things go wrong. Be careful yourself to not give him too many chances if he crosses the line. Incels have a lot of valid complaints, but there's no excuse for being a terrible person.
>>34400376he means they are only incels bc they only go for top tier girls 'stacies' themselves who reject them and they have no chance with and then they end up incel kek
>>34400372Well it's mostly stuff like saying that ugly women try to date very attractive men, which is like cheating or something, and he deserves to date someone attractiver than him or the same but not uglier. I don't really get how to quantify this, I either like people or I don't, so I can't figure out if he would feel insulted by me liking him or if he thinks I am maybe similar to him in like attractiveness. It's all really confusing and vague, honestly
>>34400376>I'm not totally sure what "stacysexual fakecels" meansNTA, but that's someone who's an "incel" because he believes he's entitled to dating 9s and 10s. In which case, he probably won't give the unpopular, overweight Asian girl with a round face a chance.
>>34400385Okay, so not that plan. I can give him my number, but how do I really actually make him LIKE me? What would make an incel feel less jaded and angry? I feel like if I don't try to make him see life in a better way it will make him unhappy no matter what I do, but I don't really understand how he thinks.
>>34400396nta but you can’t really make someone like you. if you want to understand him then just ask what he thinks when he says things. spend time with him. listen to him. he’ll decide on his own whether or not he wants to love you, just like all people. even if you had some switch or trick that made him fall for you it would only cost issues when it inevitably falls apart later
>>34400396why write so much bullshit here and not just go talk to him
>>34400402I feel like I should lose weight first. I don't want him to reject me because of how I look right away.
>>34400352>I don't mean that in a mean way just that it's like, where people who are sort of lonely and bitter hang out.I'd hate to see you when you *are* being mean.>Are there incel-specific things I should know about? Incels generally hate women with astonishing intensity, so be prepared for that.Beyond that, your main problem is simply going to be to get him to realise that you are asking him out and that you're serious about it. Incels are often autistic, so they are completely blind to what you think of as being blatantly obvious signals. On top of that, they're so locked into the idea that they're undesirable that they'll believe almost anything other than that a woman might actually be interested in them. So, if you want him to know that you want to go on a date with him, you need to actually SAY, in words, "I would really to go on a date with you. Are you interested?" Literally NO amount of "hints" or "signals" will get through to him; if you ask "Are you free on Saturday?" he'll assume you're asking him to carry furniture for you; if you say "Would you like to go for a coffee?" he'll think you're saying he looks tired. And even when you ask him out, he will assume you're joking, or mocking him, or making some point about how thirsty men are, or almost anything other than you actually being interested. So you're going to need a lot of patience to make him realise you're being serious.
>>34400396>What would make an incel feel less jaded and angry?Having lots of enthusiastic sex with him. (I'm not kidding).
>>34400404so there you go, you know what to do, everything else is just bullshit imaginations and time wasting behavior
>>34400352he sounds fucking abominable. if he isn't chad or at least muscular, don't bother. i'm sure he makes your heart flutter or whatever but losers like this don't deserve sweethearts like you.
>>34400423t. bitter coping jealous incel
I wish I had someone secretly into me. Anyway, you should just go talk to him and try to set up a date, maybe grab a coffee or a beer and let him do most of the talking. After a couple of hours, you’ll probably have a better sense of whether he’s too far gone or if there’s still something to work with. Good luck.
>>34400406I get that I need to be direct enough for him to not have to assume anything, but I also don't want to come on super strong and have him be weirded out. I know he really doesn't like girls who have slept around so like, even if the other guy is right and he'd like me if I slept with him, I feel like I couldn't just walk up to him and offer that or he'd think I was loose even though I've never even kissed anybody. Do you think it would come across better in a letter? Is there an amount of time I should wait before bringing it up? How do I make friends with him FIRST anyway?>>34400407I sort of talked about this just then, but I feel like even if this would fix things I couldn't convince him to do it. If I just went up to him and said we should have sex he would think I was a slut or making fun of him, it's a long process to get him to trust me with that probably.
>>34400352Re-establish the friendship first. Then you can see about shifting gears toward romance
>>34400454Okay, but how does a person befriend and incel? If my existence is going to make him feel bitter and upset, how do I try to be a friend that makes him happy?
>>34400438>I get that I need to be direct enough for him to not have to assume anything, but I also don't want to come on super strong and have him be weirded out.There's a difference between coming on strong and coming on *clearly*. Coming on strong is telling him you're already thinking about the two of you getting married. (And starting the conversation by saying "Do you want to have sex?" is probably not a good move either). Being clear just means getting him to understand what it is you're actually asking. If you want to go on a date, use the word "date".>Do you think it would come across better in a letter? No. That comes across as you being scared to talk to him, which he will take personally - "What have I done to make her scared of me?! Irrational bitch.">Is there an amount of time I should wait before bringing it up? How do I make friends with him FIRST anyway?There's no need for that. You already know him! All you have to do is say "Hello! Do you remember me?", talk for a minute or two, then ask if he'd like to grab a coffee or a bite to eat (either then or later) and reminisce about when you were kids. Assuming he does, at the end of that, ask him if he'd like to go on an actual date. If he is autistic (high chance if he's an incel) don't complicate things; keep it simple and unambiguous.
not sure if this helps because he's not a "stereotypical incel type"(as in he's not as blatantly spiteful) but im someone who's happily in an online relationship with someone from a blackpill site and we get along because we're both social rejects and like social reject things like imageboard culture and anime(he approached me because i was ambiguously a femcel). my suggestion is to approach him online first and since you've stated you're not conventionally attractive you can make it seem like you're in a similar situation to him and maybe research more incel culture (incels.wiki) so he think's you're one of those "based chuddette foids" (which could also blow up in your face because "MUH LARPER WAHMAN!!!!!" so proceed with caution)
>>34400458Build on shared memories and shared interests
Approach him. You will die one day - stop letting things that are ultimately trivial get in the way of you developing meaningful relationships in your life or accomplishing your goals. If you want the answers to all of these questions you have, the only way is to ask him directly. Good luck : )Also, it has to be said - JBW
>>34400568So you think if I ask him, "Hey Jackson, do you remember me? We were friends as kids?", he would respond well to that? Do guys like drinking coffee? Maybe asking him on a date a day or two later? Do you think I should try to lose weight for like six months first?
>>34400389People who evaluate interpersonal relationships solely by the measure of attractiveness aren't worth your time. He's bitter. He blames his loneliness on others. He believes a relationship is something that is owed to him rather than a result of mutual interest and effort between two people. He externalizes his failings. His mindset will likely hinder his growth and prevent him from forming connections with people who will actually care for him (you). You may be better off looking for love elsewhere.
>>34400637I would fail really badly at pretending to understand this stuff, I don't get it at all.>>34400712I don't know what JWB means, but do you have advice on HOW to do this?
>>34400754Don't wait after the meet, ask there.Because he sounds like a devout, vocal, and genuine incel, he'll surely think that you're trying to mess with him>>34400385>Be patient but don't give him too many chancesTPBP
>>34400778I would say don't research chud lingo so you can get down to his level
>>34400784So I should ask him out in our very first interaction? Seriously? That doesn't seem like a bad idea? I feel like for anyone else it would be a red flag.
>>34400784You can learn on basedjak.wiki or search “_ meaning 4chan”
>>34400802It doesn't seem like a bad idea at all. The reason you're re-establishing contact is to ask him out, right? Just wait till the end of the meet, don't ask right off the bat.Do what feels right of course
>>34400824incels.wiki is well curated and you can find there anything you need to know
>>34400754>So you think if I ask him, "Hey Jackson, do you remember me? We were friends as kids?", he would respond well to that? Assuming he's not a complete asshole. (Though honestly you make him sound like he is a complete asshole. I'm baffled as to why you're so interested!)>Do guys like drinking coffee? We're not a hive mind. We like different things. But if he doesn't, I'm sure a coffee shop will serve *something* he doesn't mind drinking.>Maybe asking him on a date a day or two later? No, ask him right away, don't wait. If you wait it makes it look like you're only asking because someone else turned you down. >Do you think I should try to lose weight for like six months first?No. If you wait six months you'll never pluck up the courage to talk to him. Do it today.
>>34400778> but do you have advice on HOW to do this?You do it by ending this useless cycle of rumination and analysis and just approaching him. Literally just walk up to him (or message him on social media) and say “Hey, I don’t know if you remember me, but I am [name] from [old school]. We used to hang out together. We actually are in the same university now. Would you like to meet up sometime, I’ve been interested in talking to you for a while now.”
>>34400352>We haven't seen each other in nearly ten years, he has no idea I existThis raises an important issue. If he doesn't know you exist, you clearly don't know him, so you don't really know very much about what he is like as a person now. This makes me wonder if the reason that you're interested in him is simply because of how you used to feel about him when you were children. He is almost certainly a very different person now. And honestly, just about everything that you say about him (that you've gleaned from social media) makes him sound thoroughly unpleasant. If you do want to start something with him, for Goodness' sake go into it with your eyes open. Don't let the person he used to be blind you to the person he is now.Obviously I would love to be wrong: if he turns out to be a decent, loving guy who makes you happy, that's great. But don't make the mistake of falling in love with an image instead of a person. Ask yourself regularly who he *is*, not who he used to be. Base that on how he behaves *now*.
>>34400825Okay. I'll try that. Do you think I should do it soon or lose weight and try maybe next year? How would you feel if a chubby chinese girl approached you?
>>34400842Well I don't know how he really is, the internet is like a diary sorta. I would feel shallow for judging him on his social media posts he makes when he's frustrated. He used to be a really kind boy and I don't think that can just vanish entirely. I don't think I can do it today. Maybe next week at the soonest. I need to buy an outfit and get my hair done before at least.
>>34400833I feel like theres just sexual terms there and not actual abbreviations for conversation
>>34400877Do you have racial hangups or something? Why do you keep repeating this fact?
>>34400892I think I'm uglier because of it. If everything was the same but I was white I would probably be prettier. Sorry, I'm not trying to make a deal out of it, it just feels like another reason he may not like me, like being overweight.
>>34400874Is it so wrong to like someone because I used to know him? Seeing him post this stuff makes me sad, I want to make it so he doesn't feel angry and bitter and alone anymore so he doesn't have a reason to be so angry. Maybe that's immature, I don't know, but it's the first thing in a long time that makes me want to try harder and improve my life and do something for someone else.
>>34400877Hard to say. People definitely carry weight differently. There are both cute and ugly chubby women. Personally, if she was charming enough I'd be willing to overlook a bit of flab. Worst case scenario is that I'm flattered but uninterested. Also, consider the possibility you may be judging yourself excessively harsh.
>>34400881>He used to be a really kind boy and I don't think that can just vanish entirely.It absolutely can.>I need to buy an outfit and get my hair done before at least.Are you going to ensure that you have a new outfit and have had your hair done every single time you hang out with him? If not, then it's deceptive to try to look better than you typically will.
>>34400926>Is it so wrong to like someone because I used to know him? No, it's not wrong at all. But it's wrong (or rather, risky) to assume that who he is now necessarily resembles the child he used to be. Plenty of suicide bombers were sweet boys at the age of 8.>Seeing him post this stuff makes me sad, I want to make it so he doesn't feel angry and bitter and alone anymore so he doesn't have a reason to be so angry.You see, what I'm hearing is "he is angry and bitter".Try the following thought experiment. Imagine that there is a man whom you don't know at all and have never met, who has a social media profile like this guy's. Imagine that your sister or a friend of yours announces that she wants to date him. She says "He's an angry, bitter man, but I want to change him so he isn't angry and bitter any more." Can you honestly claim you wouldn't advise her to be very careful? Maybe you might even say to her "Why not date someone who isn't angry and bitter?"
>>34400937It's possible, but I don't really know. I hope he doesn't mind.>>34400947I am going to try to take care of my looks more in general. I'm kinda shlubby right now. I wanna try harder for him.>>34400962I guess maybe I have a savior complex. Did anyone try to love those angry people? I like to think not, and that's why, you know? Maybe part of me thinks he would care about me from the start or wants to change but needs a reason, like me. I don't know. It's either this or going back to my comfortable nothing.
>>34400389This is your prince charming?
>>34400437>I wish I had someone secretly into meHow would you know? It's a secret. You could have it right now and you'd not know. That's sort of the point nigga
>>34400389>Well it's mostly stuff like saying that ugly women try to date very attractive men, which is like cheating or something, and he deserves to date someone attractiver than him or the same but not uglier. I don't really get how to quantify this, I either like people or I don't, so I can't figure out if he would feel insulted by me liking him or if he thinks I am maybe similar to him in like attractiveness. It's all really confusing and vague, honestlyDon't take him, let him rot and wither in loneliness. People like this deserve every single empty night alone and they deserve the hollow feeling in their chest. Pray that the loneliness bores a hole into his solar plexus until it kills him.
>>34400352just take it slow and be his friend and escalate like a shitty anime that features a childhood friend. You will probably have to be persistent because the truth is he absolutely doesn't believe this is possible. The same way you have no belief that you will see a unicorn in your bedrooms is what he feels about having a woman basically fall out of the sky and saying she loves him. So just be extra nice, persistent and if he says something mean don't be scared off too easily.
Is he conventionally attractive himself?
