should i just leave?i feel like i've formed a "type", and my bf doesn't fit it. not sure if it would be fair to him to ask him to essentially change his fucking body type, it just sounds like way too much to ask of anyone.so he is actually my first boyfriend, and he is a bit overweight from the start (i'm skinny, just so anyone doesn't come here saying my "type" is unreasonable). i never minded it at first because he is otherwise attractive, and we shared all the obscure interests i had.i think i was a late bloomer and never really knew what type of guy i found attractive because i didn't have any experience with guys (ultra shy, avoided guys and being around guys, and i used to be a tomboy). eventually, i met my bf and at some point decided he must be my type bc i liked him. but yeah, after being together for a few years i think i eventually started to notice that i tend to be attracted to very, very skinny guys, regardless of height (although being a 5'5" girl in my country means basically all guys are way taller than me, and for attraction height has never been important for me). basically scrawny guys is my type, like that skinny. i think it got "worse" when i tried to ignore this too. and now i feel like it's at a point i can't ignore anymore. so yeah it feels like i never had a type before thanks to inexperience, and now i've finally developed a "type" in men. it's just the opposite of my bf. 1/2
he has always been chubby even though he sometimes starts going to the gym for a few months, up to a year, and then stops again. but i feel like i've never seen any change in his weight at all. and i would feel horrible bringing up his weight when he is vocally already insecure about it to me, and is seemingly trying to work on it by going to the gym (which is nice obviously), even when i know it's just him eating too much (he makes sandwiches as snacks every 2 hours on average i think, meals not included. he works out 2x a week. and they're healthy sandwiches too so i would never know how to tell him to just stop eating 24/7 without making him hate me forever)2/2
>>34401656theres nothing wrong with not liking fat peoplelike thats actually normal
>>34401762i just feel like i'm a liar now. and i just want my bf but as skinny. but based on my knowledge of him, the likelihood of him ever managing to lose weight seems small. plus if i want him to lose weight i'd also have to go about it the hard way, the mean way, straight up telling him to just not eat so much always. the usual advice is to ask your partner to go to the gym, spare them the humiliation of telling them to eat less and just say "gym" instead, but he does already and it has never affected anything for several years!
>>34401656>>34401658>>34401793there might be a way to get him to lose weight, without making him feel like shit about itbut also, if you don't think you could be happy except with a skinny guy, it's better to break off the relationship earlier than laterso you should decide ASAPyou could honestly probably write a lot of what you wrote here & just tell/write it to him directly, see what he thinks
>>34401804>there might be a way to get him to lose weight, without making him feel like shit about itare you going to say it?
>>34401804>but also, if you don't think you could be happy except with a skinny guy, it's better to break off the relationship earlier than lateri second thisthe thing is people rarely change... and most often they only start to be willing to change when they are in pain, i.e. breaking up etc>spare them the humiliation of telling them to eat less and just say "gym" insteadguess truth hurts, but imo it shouldntthe thing is people can be fat for all sorts of reasons, unless hes literally slurping on food 24/7 it doesnt necessarily mean hes fat bc hes eating too much
>>34401808i don't know what it could be, and the best way depends on other factors which you haven't written here, and which neither of us would probably think of right awayi'm just saying it's possible, you could try to come up with somethingbut like i said you could also just write/tell him the stuff you've written in this thread, i bet he'd be understanding or at least respect you for telling himand u could see how he responds
>>34401793Losing weight is more than just going to the gym anon. If he's going to the gym, then eating like shit after, then he's essentially gaining all those calories back. I'd assume that's whats happening here. He would need to eat healthier on top of going to the gym. This is barebones basic advice and you've probably heard it a million times before but I'd suggest dieting for one. Also, are you going to the gym with him? If not, go with him, it's good for your health as well and you're showing that you care. Be supportive, anon.
>>34401813>the thing is people rarely change... and most often they only start to be willing to change when they are in pain, i.e. breaking up etcnah m8, that's not REAL willingness, that's desperationthere is a big difference, and doing things out of desperation isn't sustainable
>>34401656Everyone has a "type" but you are a fool if you are trapped by it. If you are attracted to the person inside the packaging, you come to find the packaging attractive. If you will only consider one type of packaging, you will miss out on some very nice (if different-looking) people.
>>34402934That's true for me. Since I'm fit I thought I'd prefer any kind of fit physique, or my standard was just don't be fat. I'm dating a guy who's a bit thicc and I realized it doesn't matter as much as I thought it would, I like his wide shoulders and a big frame, but the attraction is based 99% on personality.
>>34403016nta I like that he has a big frame too, it basically makes him look more buff. but in ny case i actually think most of my desperation about not liking his body type is that rather than lounging naround "normally", he prefers to be naked and laying down on his stomach while on his phone or something. it makes him look obese, and like a very fat woman, i just don't understand whe he always wants to be like that.
>>34401656Yep. Sounds like you should leave
