>22 friendless loner virgin>was lonely as a teen but accepted it>enjoy my own company now and dislike conversation for a few reasons>told im wasting life by parents and some part of me does still long for an idealised romance>go for it and get in contact with person>finally found someone on the same wavelength, talk to them for a few hours and easy to talk to, same humour, they really like me>feel like ive doomed myselfThis is probably the only person I'll find who is so alike and likes me, it feels like a once in a lifetime opportunity but it also feels so wrong.I'm not sure if I fully enjoy talking, because while it's easy unlike most other socialising for me it gets in the way when I'm working on my hobbies or just wanting to relax. I'm not sure if I even want love because what I want is romance like something from a show but sure if I actually want to experience that or just feel like I have to say I've lived a beautiful life, I feel little drive for sex or intimacy. I can't imagine myself doing that. I've always been alone and I've come to like myself because of it. It's who I am, my confidence is built on it and I don't want to change because I honestly really like myself now and there's only one me. The idea of potentially being in a relationship fills me with sickness and dread. It goes against my values that I've built up over years and talking to them, I already feel like I have given up and gone against parts of my personality even despite not pretending to be someone else to impress them. I don't know if I should keep talking to them. I don't want to regret squandering this chance but I haven't felt so uncomfortable, lost and upset in a very long time.
>>34401691Why did you save an image of a puppies penis to your computer?
>>34401691Just give it a shot. Your whole identity isn't just being single. You're human, it's basic instinct to want companionship no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise. You can like yourself for who you are but also seek out others at the same time. You'd regret it more if you don't give it a shot at all than if you tried and failed
>>34401691>feel like ive doomed myself please. please, please, please, don't make the same mistake I do all the time, don't let your negative feelings take root in this way. your mind and feelings matter alot subconsciously, and if you feel as if you are already doomed you will internalize it (possibly already done), which will lead to more negative feelings and thoughts, especially whenever you depart from the norm. this will in turn, lead you to act as if such things are true, which could then become a self-fufilling prophecy. even worse if you're vulnerable to confirmation bias, as this will only worsen the negative feelings, make you feel solely responsible, and continue the cycle. if you have a solid routine that establishes or plays off of said norm, that also is something to watch for as it can indirectly signal you're subconsciously vulnerable to such things.>tl;dr don't trip out, or you'll trip yourself up.
>>34401913STOP FIIIIIIGHTING!!>>34401922I would agree with you but in the past where I’ve squandered budding friendships or opportunities due to this mindset I felt relief. I have companionship in the form of family I am close to, it’s just outside of that I have no one nor do I really feel the desire for it anymore. It’s a hinderance at worst because most of the time I want to work on my solo activities or have nothing to say. And yeah of course I can’t rely on them forever, my siblings are already moving forward, but I’ve still got others. I don’t want to self-diagnose but I wouldn’t rule out some kind of personality disorder because I’ve grown as a person in every aspect except wanting to be alone which gradually grew over the years.>>34401929Thank you and I feel bad not listening to your advice, but even though I made this post to ask what I should do I can tell I am already subconsciously leaning towards wanting to go back to going alone and either looking to validate that or forcefully be swayed so much that it overwhelms my desire to be alone and I can’t rebute it. The idea of this being a bad day and going back to being alone tomorrow is refreshing and I feel excited at the possibility of things going back to normal and being me. Not because I’m pretending in any way with this person but because being independent outside of family is such a cornerstone of who I am and despite trying so hard to change this way of thinking for years I’ve only gotten worse in this regard. I’m not even a negative person, so I think if I can change all of my previous self-sabotaging ways of thinking but this is the one thing I can’t change then it’s just at the core of me and at the end of the day I value my person above any non-familial relationship.
>>34401691>I feel little drive for sexYou should make that known. Most people want sex. Even if not immediately or even soon after a relationship begins, if you don't care about sex at all it's gonna turn off most people.
>>34402033Yeah true. The thing is I am attracted to people but feel no desire to do anything with them. It’s not discomfort with my body nor do I have any trauma to explain me not wanting to do it either.
>>34402046No I get it. It's romantic vs sexual attraction. It's possible that attraction will blossom into a sexual attraction later. Do you have much of a libido?
>>34402051Hardly. It’s very hard for me to explain how I feel but to try and sum it up best I am a cuck who doesn’t get off on being cucked. I am definitely straight and attracted to the opposite gender but I don’t want to get involved in anything physical myself. However, if I could watch from the sidelines as the person I am attracted to is having sex/indulging in my kinks and see how they react to certain things and finding those reactions attractive or cute then I think I’d be fulfilled. It sounds schizophrenic but it’s how I’ve always felt, I just want to observe.
>>34402070Yeah 95% of people are not gonna be into this, you should say this upfront.
>>34402082Thank you, agreed it’s only fair. I think if this relationship did progress I’d be open to doing sexual things because it’s the ‘normal’ thing to do but it’s not something I’d willingly choose to do if there was no angle of conforming to normalcy or trying to do right by my partner.
>>34402088You should say that though. I wouldn't be interested if a girl wasn't actually interested in sex with me for its own sake. Most people are gonna be the same way. Be upfront.
>>34402014>I am already subconsciously leaning towards wanting to go backyou won't stop on a dime, this is normal and you have to fight it over time in order for things to change.>looking to validate that or forcefully be swayed you have to really cement what I'm about to say. in this case inaction and the validation of one's negative feelings are bidirectionally linked. if you're waiting on overwhelming feelings to come to make a move, you'll be waiting for an unguessable time, it may NEVER happen even. even if or when it does, those unsurmountable feelings might xause you to make some really stupid or rash decisions, you may come to regret. dont put yourself in that position. YOU have to be the one to take action to change or at least mediate things this case, because waiting brings no guarantees.>being independent outside of family is such a cornerstone of who I ambeing independent is good, but it's not a personality trait. it isn't you dawg, it isn't anyone except one dimensional fictional characters, and even those have more depth. you should seek to extricate these feelings from your sense of identity, because they aren't one and the same. you only have things to gain by dropping the obsession, but you have to genuinely convice yourself this is the case. I've hardly seen this whole schpiel work out for anyone, I've seen it slowly break some of the closest people in my life.>at the core of me and at the end of the day I value my person above any non-familial relationship.and this is normal, but you have to convince yourself that it's not a mutually exclusive thing to be independent. >I feel bad not listening to your advicerules is often written in blood, advice is often written in tears. I take no offense, but I'd rather not see anyone else take the same road I did if I could help it.
>>34402237Thank you.
>>34402070You may feel this now, but no way knowing how you'd feel when you're actually in relationship. I felt kinda similar in my early 20s, it was hard to actually imagine myself in relationship, it was scary. I have pretty normal libido though. When I asked out a guy I liked, I was relieved when he rejected me because things could get back to the status quo. Seems like it was covert avoidance for me - longing for closeness but picking crushes that don't like me/can't be with me for different reasons. Two years later after asking my crush, I'm actually dating a person I like right now and these feelings of inadequacy calmed down with age and experience. So you calm down and take it easy. Realise that it will either develop in something interesting if you're ready or you return to your comfy status quo, so win-win either way and you don't have to worry. Just keep interacting, you don't have to make a decision right now. Observe yourself with curiosity and try to calm down your nervous system. I know the state of restlessness you're in but that's something that eases out with time, experience and healing. Meanwhile try to enjoy the interaction
>>34403092Thank you. I appreciate all of this advice.
>>34401913why are you so pressed about seeing animal genitalia, do you have some skeletons in your closet
