> Be me> Come from a very religious community where unofficially arranged relationships are the norm> Parents repetitively try to set me up with girls that I have no interest in > Continue to turn down their offers because I am genuinely disgusted by their behavior > Think that I'd have better success on my own> I did not have better success on my own> attempt to date without success for almost 3 years> End up in a relationship that has been causing me a lot of stress > Look back and realize that most of the girls my parents had introduced me to were both better looking, more intelligent and more mentally stable than my current girlfriend > Many of them came from extremely wealthy families as well > I feel like an idiot as most of the girls my parents wanted me to get with looked very similar to picrel I had my reasons for turning my parents down, but at this point I dont know if my reasoning at the time outweighed the benefits. I feel as if I have essentially made a game ending mistake, and I dont think I will ever be able to recover.
>>34401707Those aren't even "arranged" marriages that's just community matchmaking. If you're not religious and they all were maybe it's for the best, but a lot of people leave religiosity as they grow up
>>34401707>incel finds out hes not chad many such cases keke
>>34401707lol sounds like me. what religion/denom? only difference here is that the girls they (it was more so my sisters than my parents) tried to matchmake me with were definitely subpar --- i am glad i did not end up with them as they were below average looks and more so lower middle class families. my dating pool has gotten significantly better as i got older since i hang out with young professionals
>>34401707they did not look like that. lmaooo
>>34401746I got plenty of female attention and am not an incel, however unless it was from a girl my parents selected it was an automatic no. >>34401739Whats the difference? If the girl wasn't approved, even if she was a part of the community, I wasn't allowed to even consider asking her out. >>34401771Yes, they did. Several were arguably more attractive.
>>34401707>Think that I'd have better success on my own>> I did not have better success on my ownand now you know
>>34401756Most of the girls my parents tried to match me with were noticeably overweight or had other major issues, however there were a handful who were genuinely 8-9/10s, but I had legitimate reasons for turning them down. My parents were discussing with another set of parents me getting into a relationship with their daughter who was almost 4 years younger than me. My parents also had a habit of purposefully humiliating me in front of these girls which made any desire to have a relationship with them go out the window. They also made it somewhat clear that their primary reason for trying to get me into a relationship was because they wanted me to feel forced to stay in the church if my future wife was a church attending christian. I would say that my church was non denominational, but it had heavy baptist leanings, as we didn't believe it was possible to be saved without physical baptism as a teen or adult.
>>34401707>I had my reasons for turning my parents down, but at this point I dont know if my reasoning at the time outweighed the benefits. I feel as if I have essentially made a game ending mistake, and I dont think I will ever be able to recover.you can still live a good life anonthere was really no way you could've known, so try not to beat yourself upbut also, try to learn from it, and let it improve your judgment going forwardi feel like i sound like an AIstill though, heed my words
>>34401846My relationship with my current gf is extremely one sided, and my parents only approve of her because they believe she is a christian with compatible beliefs to their own. If they knew she wasn't then they'd demand we break up immediately. The relationship is also very one sided. I am constantly drained, but I dont have any legitimate reasons to break up with her.
>>34401853Sorry i typed the same shit twice. I'm having a hard time concentrating tonight.
> Look back and realize that most of the girls my parents had introduced me to were both better looking, more intelligent and more mentally stable than my current girlfriend> Many of them came from extremely wealthy families as well> I feel like an idiot as most of the girls my parents wanted me to get with looked very similar to picrel>I had my reasons for turning my parents down, but at this point I dont know if my reasoning at the time outweighed the benefits. I feel as if I have essentially made a game ending mistake, and I dont think I will ever be able to recover.Being your own man is difficult, to say the least. Most religious customs are about "us" and the "we," and when you reject that it is difficult to turn back.However, there's a reason we're called to embark on more personal journeys, and there's a reason why the Bible is filled with these weird, bearded rejects that wander into the desert and, on their own, inadvertently stumble on the doorstep of the divine, and they're not even necessarily friendly with God. They might be angry with him, they might curse and wail, even wrestle with him, and that's the difference between a child and a man. At the end of the struggle is your own family. So, you know it's hard now. Do you shrink so easily from God's call?
>>34401840>didn't believe it was possible to be saved without physical baptism as a teen or adultYeah, same as my church. And your experience is not unique. I also shunned church dating --- my sisters, cousins, and friends of my family tried to matchmake me with church girls. I could have been married at 22 (or any proceeding year) to a 6/10 from a middle class family. That isn't even remotely enticing to me. My mentality has always been looks and wealth as the ideal to aim for, and I was called unchristian for saying this. Assuming you built something for yourself, you should have much better options now, and you can even go to the church and take your pick.
>>34401895I am in a relationship at the moment, however I dont know how long its going to last. The girl I am dating is interested in a long term relationship and wants to get married but I have held off on proposing for a number of reasons. >>34401895>and you can even go to the church and take your pick.Thats a funny idea. My church was extremely hypocritical when it came to premarital sex. Girls could be as sexually active as they wanted and it would be brushed off as a minor mistake or a lapse in judgement. If a guy was found to be having premarital sex though, it was as if he had raped a girl. My church taught that having sex with a woman that isn't your wife is the same as raping a mans future wife. Almost all of the physically attractive girls in my church either were married off at around 18-22 years old or left the church entirely. Almost all of the girls my parents recommended to me were from Christians circles outside of my direct church, but loosely adjacent.
>>34401707That’s that one blonde tranny who almost passes (with plenty of help from modern photographic technology) and this is a b8 thread, isn’t it?
>>34401935ngl man i saw her on r9k and she looked like a girl i went to school with. Idk if she's a tranny or not.
>>34401931>Girls could be as sexually active as they wanted and it would be brushed off as a minor mistake or a lapse in judgement. If a guy was found to be having premarital sex though, it was as if he had raped a girl.That's interesting hmm... a non-virgin girl was seen as damaged goods at my church (pentecostal). The guy not as much.... there was a bad boy aesthetic associated with being a guy who had premarital sex, not that it was seen as a good thing. It just wasn't as harshly condemned. The way I always saw it is there is no point in marrying a church girl if she isn't a virgin --- you can find prettier & wealthier girls outside the church. What you will never find is a virgin, so if they lose that, they lost the one thing that actually differentiates them from girls outside the church.
>>34401976In my church it was considered damaging a womans honor to accuse her of engaging in premarital sexual activity. The majority if not all of the blame was on the guy, as "men are the arbiters of sex" at least according to my church. This resulted in a mentality where it was believed that a christian woman could not consent to premarital sex, and if she had premarital sex then she either wasn't a christian or she was raped. >>34401976>What you will never find is a virgin, so if they lose that, they lost the one thing that actually differentiates them from girls outside the church.If I had to guess, most girls in my church lost their virginities at around age 12-14 years old. I was actually explicitly told this by a girl i dated behind my parents back. That relationship didnt go well. I was also told that there was a rather significant amount of pressure from other girls to become sexually active, sort of like a "if one of us go down we all go down" mentality.
>>34401994That sounds like a big yikes then. This is sort of what american evangelical churches have become --- they put a feminist spin on things, i.e., "man bad." If the girls from your church were already defiled, below average looks, and not feminine, I don't think you missed out.
>>34401853>The relationship is also very one sided. I am constantly drained, but I dont have any legitimate reasons to break up with her.being constantly drained is enough reason, i thinkrelationships are supposed to have responsibilities, but are ultimately supposed to enhance your lifeif you feel exhausted all the time there's probably some bad dynamic going on, regardless of whose fault it is
>>34401976Pentecostal here. Dating in the church was off limits to me, but I heard the same thing from my siblings and cousins. Oral and anal were fine, but that hymen was off limits.>why off limitsI was shunned for reasons they never bothered to explain ("you know what you did"). I was allowed to attend services (mom was the lead singer in the choir and they didn't want to lose her), but I could not talk with the other kids or interact with them in any way. I once tried to ask one of the other kids about some surgery he'd had, and before I'd finished my question several adults had surrounded me and separated us.
>>34401707Your community has professional matchmakers. Hire one.
>>34401707From what country are you from?
>>34401707If you ask your parents they'll tell you, "it's not too late to fix this". So go ask them, listen to them this time. Dumbass.
>>34402933also posted without reading thread, ignore this post i guess
>>34401739This"Arranged" implies you were forced or pressured into marrying someone you didn't want or even knew personallyYour parents/family matchmaking like you describe OP used to be pretty commonplace and accepted, especially among more rural communitiesBut things like high-speed internet, social media and dating apps have obviously eroded the practice
>>34401739fpbp. he did those girls a favor and for that we'll see him in Valhalla
>>34401707>> Look back and realize that most of the girls my parents had introduced me to were both better looking, more intelligent and more mentally stable than my current girlfriendMy mom did the same when I was 15. However, they were all way older men. Also, by then I realized that my parents were actually boomers and nothing they could teach me was relevant. For example, they are anti-credit cards. However, you need to build credit to pretty much get an apartment these days.
>>34403411just buy it in cash. listen to your parents.
