Growing up I was always the “nice” type. Especially as a teenager, I’d get close to certain people and just assume they had good intentions. It wasn’t that I thought everyone was good, but when I considered someone a friend, I didn’t really question them or see red flags.Because of that I got taken advantage of a lot. Trusted people I shouldn’t have, believed things that didn’t make sense in hindsight, and even got scammed a few times and lost money I couldn’t really afford to lose. At the time I didn’t even fully process it, I’d just blame myself, lose my mind a bit and move on.Looking back now it feels like a pattern of self-sabotage. Like I kept putting my trust in the wrong people just because I didn’t want to be suspicious or “mean.”I’ve definitely matured a bit since then and I try to be more aware, but part of me wonders if I’m still “innocent” in ways I just don’t notice yet. Like maybe I’m still missing obvious things and don’t even realize it.Now I feel kind of stuck between being angry at myself and not knowing how to change. I don’t want to become cynical or paranoid, but clearly the way I was living before doesn’t work either.Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you learn not to be an easy target?
>>34402630I present as nice, but in person I am devious and am with my girl in every way she has ever craved. A dream come true. All she has ever wanted and needed.
>>34402630Ye. I was in such a bad environment I coped by dehumanising others. Only close friends are human, everyone else is enemy/fair game. Felt my "innocence" was naive/bad/wrong. Turns out the environment was wrong, and I was right in my values. So, don't be angry at yourself.The solution: trust people, but don't give them a chance to screw you over. That's it. Like you're playing chess with a friend. You trust the friend, but you're not putting your pawn in a position where he can take it. You know?To add, humans are fallible. I'm a good person. But I screwed a dude over, accidentally. He hired me to help me, I did my best, I got hit with life issues that wrecked me mentally, I left the job, he lost the couple months of training me. So don't put yourself in that position, or do it knowing you're taking a risk. But, you are always taking a risk with people.>what if they ask for help/for moneyIf you can't afford to set that money on fire, don't give it to them unless the evidence is in their favor, even then consider it a risky investment into either relationship or into them, understand money/effort can be lost.
>>34402630There is nothing wrong in wanting to think the best of people. You juat have to be prepared to be disappointed from time to time.
