genuinely why do people enjoy the company of others?Everyone I’ve ever had in my life has never listened to to me or validated me. They always criticize everything I do and say I’m doing it wrong when I haven’t even started doing anything.They never watch what I do or even ask me what I’m doing. They just assume the worst, and when I try to explain the situation they don’t listen. They just keep telling me what to do and when I explain that what they think I’m doing isn’t what I’m actually doing they just treat me like a dumbass because my actions were seemingly incongruent with my explanation and it’s my fault for misleading them even though they chose to jump to a conclusion instead of just asking me.It’s so weird because I think I would know what I intended to do in a given situation but any attempt to communicate this to others so that they can actually understand me and help me results in me being shamed for it.I don’t know how to communicate my needs because of this, and it results in an unfulfilling life because I’m always told what I want and just have to pretend to be grateful while getting nothing in return.I’m guilt-tripped because I don’t help them like they “help” me, but when I try they get mad at me for thinking they couldn’t do it themselves (projection). Or I’ll ask them “okay so you said such and such, so is this your situation?” and they snap at me and say “yes I literally just said that!”Actually, the typical response for any input I give is a dismissive “I know,” like a schrodinger’s cat situation where whenever I have actual insight to give it turns out they were just asking rhetorically, but when I’m not actively participating, I’m useless and of no help.
It’s weird how people treat me like a retard but will directly ask me for advice only to shoot it down and give some arbitrary reason for why it won’t work. They’ve obviously convinced themselves beforehand that I’m not worth listening to so they don’t. I’m not sure why they even encourage me to engage or give input to begin with.Feels like a genuine humiliation ritual.I always make up some half-assed response or say I don’t know, but then they get annoyed and say “what do you mean you don’t know I just told you what my problem is” and then immediately explain in detail what they’ll do as if they knew their solution before asking for my input and just wanted to test me to see if I would come to the same conclusion as them and shame me when I can’t read their mind.I’m always given unsolicited advice because no one thinks I can do anything right and interprets everything I do as a potential problem they need to solve. But when I actually come to them for help, they get upset for making them go through the trouble for me.
>>34403001>Everyone I’ve ever had in my life has never listened to to me or validated me>They never watch what I do or even ask me what I’m doing>etcThen move on to people who like you and don't treat you like crap. Seriously, don't put too much into people, it has to be reciprocal.
>>34403001In simple terms, they're establishing a hierarchy.This hierarchy is a theater. Those participating in the theater don't know they're actors. If you watch movies, there's the nerdy kid, the smart kid, among other characters.The truth doesn't really matter, only what appears to be true. It's all an act. Here are some other examples:They give you advice (even if you don't ask for it) to gain influence and score some points with you.When you ask for something, they're reluctant because they're "busy" and their time isn't something you can take.They simply don't consider your opinions because the opinion isn't important, but rather who says it.Basically, they're putting you in your "place."The only way to change your role is by changing your mask. That mask is your attitude and other social aspects: the way you speak, and so on.
>>34403001Quite honestly, anon, if literally everyone you've ever met tells you that you get everything wrong, the most likely explanation for that is that you actually do.
>>34403499doing something “wrong” just means “different from how I do it”I have low self-esteem so if you see me doing something with no hesitation, it tells you that I know what I’m doing.It’s not like I don’t know I can ask for help, the fact that they don’t give me that trust and just assume I’ll mess it up from the get go even when I deliberately communicate that I am capable enough to ease their doubts is annoying.Also how do you know I’m doing something wrong when you don’t even bother to get context? Why do I have to explain and justify every decision I make just so you can criticize me anyway because you want a win and already decided to condemn whatever I’m doing before even knowing?
>>34406137Perhaps you're doing the wrong thing in the right way?
>>34403001They get validation and attention from other extroverted normies, and they reinforce their state.
>>34403001Sounds like your problem isn't that you don't enjoy the company of others, but that others don't enjoy your company. idk what you are doing for everybody to treat you bad, but socialising is very pleasant if its with people that like your company and don't hate you. Either learn how to fit in and be normal by the norms of the circles you are in currently so that you will be at least tolerated, if not liked, or otherwise find some other circles that work better for the sort of person you are.
>>34406160The problem is normies don't understand the concept of "that's crazy but I don't remember asking" or that I can understand what you're communicating and just not care because it isn't relevant or concerning to me in any way to warrant much of a reaction from me.People don't like aloofness and just repeat themselves like I'm stupid because they think that because my reaction was different from theirs or from what was expected from me, what they said just went over my head.Or they'll ask me to explain what they said back to them, which is super annoying, and I just skip the humiliation ritual and admit I wasn't paying attention. It doesn't even matter if I did understand and repeat it back word per word, they'll just say I got it wrong and repeat themselves anyway so I just say I didn't understand everytime because I've done the song and dance a million times and I know how it goes.So then you think, okay instead of being aloof and nonverbal I'll just give them the reaction I think they want. Even though, this is just me being fake and giving them validation and I shouldn't have to feel like I have to pretend to care about everything and be shamed if I don't, and normies don't have this external pressure to indulge others or filter themselves in such a way but whatever.Anyways, what happens when I change my attitude to be more involved or "present" by matching the other person's energy is they immediately brush off my feigning concern for them and say "it's fine though." As if I'm now being overly anxious for validating what the other person seemed to be of importance (otherwise they wouldn't have mentioned anything to begin with).
>>34406351All of this is to say that platitudes like>if everyone thinks you're wrong, you're probably wrongand>change what you can (behavior) instead of focusing on what you can't (other people)don't work because I have tried changing and nothing works. People still treat me like a retard when as I mentioned before I take extra measures to assure them that they don't have to overexplain things or patronize me. I do this by communicating in subtle ways, like instead of saying "yes, I understand" I'll demonstrate my knowledge by going further just to drive it home.But for all the nuances to socializing that I'm told normies possess, this doesn't seem to get through to them and it really does seem like it is them and not me.The most frustrating part is the fact that I feel like I HAVE to do all this bullshit in the first place. Normies don't have to justify and explain their thoughts and actions to people. They don't get put in a game of twenty questions or deal with people acting in bad faith all the time.But for me, convincing anyone of anything feels impossible because the other person already made an unflattering assumption about me and people don't like their expectations being defied by reality
