f22 i‘m a very depressed person and i struggle to look after myself. i isolate myself from people (easy because i moved to a different city to study) because i feel that i am a burden to everyone. i really want a nice life and a partner but i could not imagine anyone loving me not because i am very unattractive bit because i am so incredibly rotten on the inside anyone being invested in me is unlucky because i think very little of my inner life i am very negative and i think people like me are better off dead but i would not commit as long as things stay like this i am just rotting away and i want things but as soon as anyone is interested in me i get afraid that they'll will find out how i really am and be dissatisfied i am just lonely and sad can i do anything i know from an outside perspective this seems like not an issue but i am so mentally exhausted and insecure
>>34406540Listen here bby girl. Let's talk hygiene. Do you shower and brush your teeth? Do you wash your clothes? Do you clean your space? Are you fat and gross? Outside reflects the inside.
>>34406540Acknowledging it is the first step in changing. Try to start being the opposite of some of those things and find balance.>>34406963Also this.
>>34406963i shower when i need to and brush teeth once a day i am clean bc im scared of others looking down on me for stuff like thatim not fat but mentally disgusting lol
its a mental thing more than a real thing
>>34406540>I get afraid that they'll will find out how i really am and be dissatisfied i am.My wife was a lot like you when I met her, the exact same mentality when we first dated, absolutely low self esteem, cripplingly low. Extremely negative about how much she hated herself and thought so much bad shit about herself. Etc etc. She had that big major worry too, about being found out, how I might find out the depths of her emptiness and her cold, hard-hearted brokenness inside. Y'know the funny part? She genuinely thought I couldn't see it from the start. She thought I was blind and couldn't fucking tell lol. I could tell within the first day of talking to her. She for whatever reason convinced herself she was in this mental bubble in her head that no one else could see but her. I could see it clear as day, because it was spoken by her body language, in the way she dressed, in her subtle mannerisms, in the ways she acted or reacted to certain day to day situations. In the actions she carried out that she paid no attention or never considered how it looked on the outside. I saw it all OP. And I dated her anyway, loved her anyway, married her anyway. Y'know why? Because she was also unaware of every single good and beautiful thing about herself too. Her kindness, her charity, the way she regarded the elderly, those in need, her care for animals, her way in which she was intensely emotionally moved by art or music, the extremities of her sensitivities was, and still is, very attractive to me. Have you considered that you are blind to character traits of yourself? That others cannot see but you cannot? Maybe you should consider that it's not your decision to decide if someone who dates you is 'lucky'or 'unlucky'. Maybe it's actually for them to decide.
>>34406997>That others can see but you cannot*
it runs deep even now i feel like my replies r disappointing
>>34406997this sounds really beautiful thank u for sharing c:
>>34407049No problem. And it is, she's the best woman I know. Will she ever feel like the best woman in herself? Probably not. But it doesn't matter, because actions speak louder than words, they speak louder than thoughts and speak louder than feelings. All of her actions are pure gold, and there is no amount of depression or anxiety that can wash that off of the scoreboard of reality. Don't give in. You can give up, but never give in. That means you are allowed to feel as shit as you like about yourself. But don't think for a second that just because you feel like shit that it must mean you are banned from love. That is not true at all.
>>34406540a good man will make you feel differently about the world. simple as.
>>34406540It sounds a little BPD to be so hateful and obsessed about yourself. How do you normally regulate your emotions? Like let’s say you feel lonely or angry at others. It’s important to have a toolkit. Aside from that, if you have problems maintaining yourself, find someone to body double with or do check-ups>>34406997Cute comments
>>34407609i used to cut myself as a teenager but i stopped now i just zone out and read to not think about it. ive been in therapy but i can’t buy into what they say i think it would have to be a very specific type of person thag i would take advice from but i don’t want to go through the process of finding this maybe not even existing person idk what i hoped to achieve with this post but thanks to everyone replying:>
>>34407813Yea cutting is one way to deal with extreme emotion. Not a good one. You need to learn better ways than (digital) self-harm or just sitting in it. You need to do something like going for a walk. Sitting in it will just make you meltdown.Finding an appropriate body double is pretty easy but I think you would fuck up such an arrangement by not giving a fuck about somebody else for a stable amount of time. Nobody is interested in someone who’s only focused on how much they hate themselves. Not trying to be mean.
>>34407930yeah i probably wouldn’t i think i need to get out of this myself thank u
>>34406540Get a jobTalk to peopleLose your virginityEzYou realise your inner self was not so bad and pretty normal or even pales in comparison to what's actually out there
