>>34407205
I'm a little drunk anons to try to drown out the pain of the situation, it's not common for me to drink until I'm drunk or even tipsy.

I don't even know where it all started anons, I didn't really have a shit childhood. I was as social as any other kid in the 2000s. I got in trouble a lot in primary school for not sitting still in class, I got sent to the deputy head teacher who belittled me for 'not making eye contact' with her or said I was 'giving her dirty looks' which just made me even more nervous about maintaining eye contact. What the fuck does a 9 year old even know about 'dirty looks'.
I got bullied for being short & called shrimp, I was the one who got in trouble if I fought back.
If me getting up out of my seat and walking around after i finished school work was that much of an issue why didn't my teachers make an effort to tell me parents it was weird or think something was wrong... overall I didn't have a shit childhood I think, it was just normal.


My father loves me and wants me to change and stand on my own two feet but he's also never truly made an effort to push me or motivate me, when I was 16 and all other kids were getting taught how to use credit cards or debit cards, I was told "no you're not allowed your own money you'll squander it"

Even though I had never displayed that I would waste money, I done what normal kids done, I went to the cinema with my friends, bought candy, bought energy drinks, bought my own lunches in highschool, why was I always told "you'll waste it, you'll squander it" when every other kid my age was trusted to make their own choices but I was always told I wasn't allowed, why.
when every other teen was learning to drive I was told that it wasn't viable for me because I had 'bad vision' and that I 'fucked myself over by not wearing my glasses' even though I complained they hurt every day as a kid

why do i feel like every adult in my life failed me and just didn't try, i would have rather they hated me than loved me and let me end up like this, if they loved me why did they let this happen
why didn't teachers make more of an effort in primary school to tell my parents or grandparents what was going on, why didn't they think "something might be wrong with him, try to get him help"
why didnt my highschool teachers tell my dad i was skipping school, why didnt they evne try, they just let me skip classes then had snarky comments when i did show up

i feel likei ;ve lost so much time that its impossible to start anymore anons, i fucking hate this so much.
since covid times my body has slowly started to get fucked up, stomach issues and joint issues, i'm not even overweight. Even getting a NHS doctors appointment feels impossible and pointless, they don't care, they don't want to know, you say anything and they said "you're just anxious" - no! i'm in pain, i have pain that moves from joint to joint, I can see and feel the joints being swollen up, I've had the same pain in the same area in my ribs for 2 years now and i'm terrified it's some terminal illness

my dads getting old too, he's nearly 60 and im terrified he doesn't take his health seriously, i'm terrified of when he passes, i'll be alone, no friends and no family left. my step mom will kick me to the curb as soon as she can, i'm terrified of losing the support system that's allwed myself to live like this but im too terrified to even take a fucking stpe forward to change i t

>>34407253
and the couple it all up anons i have an obvious porn addiction, my only real 'friends' are people i've met through porn, porn discords and porn stuff on 4chan.
the only non porn friends i have are my sparse IRL friends I had from highschool but I talk to once in a blue moon now, once every few months at best because I just feel like they dislike me and just tolorate a conversation here & there, they're all also busy with their own lives and no longer can make time for a NEET bum, the same applies to my non-porn discord friends, they've all moved on and i'm still stationary, i just feel like im bothering them nowadays trying to get them to make time for me.

my body being so fucked up makes having active hobbies nearly impossible now so my only source of 'feeling good' is fucking jerking off, even walking for 30 minutes causes so much pain in my hip joints, it feel like they're grinding on just bone, my feet end up in agony too. I still go on nightly 30 minute walks with my dad, we talk but all he does is mostly complain about work, it's more like he talks at me rather than to me.

im 29 but i feel like i mentally stalled at 18, i am still pretty much identical to how i was 11 years ago
how do you ever get past the "please do it for me" mindset, am i just doomed to be a retard and rely on my parent till he passes and i inevitably get kicked out by my step mum

where do i even start anons, mainly UK anons, where do i even start if I have no Id, no national insurance number (i lost it and can't find it), no drivers license, no passport, the only form of identification i could provide is a doctors note, at most
how do i enve get this shithole of a life together, i hate myself, i hate every day, i hate being unable to change but most of all i hate disappointing my father, i don't want him to grow old and die thinking i'll never be able to stando n my own two feet
drinking and thinking about it is gonna make me vomti

>>34407308
no bank account too, no birth certificate, my dad wants me to change but he never wants to make the time to help me change,
i hate this so much anons im so tired

>>34407205
The only thing I can tell you is that your fear is the one problem that you need to solve first. That will prevent you from doing anything to improve yourself.

>>34407363
i dont even know where my fear starts anymore, when I think about what to tackle first it feels like I'm looking at an unscalable mountain with no clear start point. Even the idea of going into a bank to even ask "hey i'm 29 what do i need to set up an account, btw how do banks work, btw how do bills work, btw how do debit and credit cards work" just feels so cripplingly embarrassing. This is stuff that normal people had their parents do for them or help them when they were teenagers and i feel like i've been floating in purgatory waiting for an out reached hand to help me, even though i know now that's probably never going to happen

Damn tldr maybe just post your woes on /britfeel/

>>34408241
the tldr is the greentext in op, i guess.
basically i just want to know of any other neets who've been in a similar situation, no job no id no proof of identity, dont know national insurance number, etc and how to get out of this type of situation, as much as i love my dad he doesn't really push me to change or help me change

>>34407205
Get into /x/ type of shit. Spiritual esoteric, occult books and youtube vids.
That's still unlikely to fix your material life, but it will at least fix your ment state.

>>34407205
I'm a UK ex-NEET, I doubt I can help much but here are some of my thoughts

This anon >>34407363 is right, I can tell you are seriously over-thinking/catastrophising, I know how easy it is to get stuck in that mental state, and I still do often. And I'm sorry but there is no magic solution, you just need to go for it because literally nothing will ever get fixed if you can't force yourself to get over this hurdle. Like just try to go to bank and ask for what you need, trust me the 'embarassment' is always worse in your head.

I also used to think my body was fucked up and I had serious health problems as well, and honestly a lot of it really is just anxiety. People seriously understate how fucked up health-anxiety really is, your fear can trick you really well

>mushoku tensei pic 'cause I recently rewatched it
Honestly you should try to stop watching isekai anime, the entire genre is basically precision-engineered escapism for hopeless, dejected people who are desperate for an easy way out. Even at my lowest points of NEETdom I couldn't force myself to sit through isekai, it's just low-brow, wish-fulfillment crap.
I've taken a look at the communities around these shows and most of them are losers. Your self-awareness you display in your posts already puts you above most of these people, so stop making yourself more depressed by watching them, you'd be doing yourself a favour by watching literally anything else
This might sound irrelevant but it does make a difference. The entertainment you indulge in and the people you surround yourself with affects your mindset more than you think

Good luck

>>34409700
>you are seriously over-thinking
the issue is getting over the fear is the hardest part, like I said before I cannot escape the "do it for me, please" mindset and it feels pathetic, I know how pathetic it is, 29 and I still want to be babied through every choice because I was never 'allowed' to grow up.

>the 'embarrassment' is always worse in your head
maybe so but the concept of someone hearing 1/50th of my life and judging me based on that makes my legs feel like they're going to give out. I know it's literally 'all in your head' but it doesn't make it any easier.

>I also used to think my body was fucked up
Idk I think mines actually is. I'm mostly not anxious or feel depressed, I only feel like that during a depressive episode which is kinda rare nowadays. I've got horrible digestive issues now, maybe it's genetic maybe it's from having lots of visceral fat, if I was thin-thin for my height I would be like 150-160lb.
Joint issues, one of my big toes has a bit of a bone bulge on the side of the big toe joint and it hurts to walk or put weight on that foot, that's not in my head, my foot literally caves out if I put pressure on it too much, that coupled with this same constant rib pain I've had for 2 going on 3 years now, idk if it is all in my head

>try to stop watching isekai anime, the genre is escapism for hopeless, dejected people who are desperate for an easy way out
Yeah, you're right. Mushoku tensei has kind of been the wake up call though, seeing the parallels between the disgusting lazy main character of Mushoku tensei and my own life just made me feel so sad. I have no clue why it never bothered me the first time I initially watched it for some reason.