I've never been the most outwardly social person. I'm almost 27, and have to do a lot of catch up.Some coworkers started planning a cookout, and I asked to come along, same as most of the people coming.I brought some snacks and drinks, and some extra chairs because there weren't enough there already.The conversations were going well, I made jokes that people liked, and contributed to discussions in some decent ways. I left feeling pretty good about myself that I managed to break out of my shell a bit.Then the next day, the host messages me on Discord saying that one story I told was "insane" and that it was "uncalled for". I'm not going to be invited to any events if he's hosting, and he doesn't want me talking to him any more.The story was just a simple one from a couple years ago about the day shift supervisor, and how he transferred to day shift to spend more time with his girlfriend, who then broke up with him that same week. I made a joke that he wouldn't want me telling that story, but it wasn't actually that serious.How do I get better if making mistakes like that just make people not want to be near me? I don't know where to even go to talk to people outside of work. What kinds of hobbies let you meet up with the same people regularly? How do I stop being so bad at this? I should have put the time and effort to improve at this when I was still in school. I could have talked to teachers, and counselors to get advice, but now I've got no one but myself to help me.honestly, I think that guy might have just been looking for an excuse to cut me off from talking to him. I don't talk politics, even when he does, and I think he assumes I disagree with him on certain aspects just for my lack of vocal agreement.This guy is the most social of social butterflies. He talks to everyone regularly except for me, even before this event.
>>34407233What you said doesn’t seem so bad. You must be leaving something out.
>>34407233Show his discord messages to people, innocently asking about why he would do that.
>>34407233The story you said definitely was making fun of him, which is funny, if I was there I would laugh but obviously he was offended because he doesn't like you. Personally, it just sounds like he doesn't like you and that was the final straw. That's just how life is, people make a snap judgement on whether they like you or not then everything after is biased on that lenses, the halo effect and such. If this is a common thing then you're probably fat or ugly or or smelly or something that automatically makes people dislike you.
You should just say, sorry not sorry? Build a bridge and get over it? Then host the next cookout and leave him out of it
I'm back, had to head somewhere.>>34407341Your disbelief makes me feel a bit better. of course, I can't go over the entire history of everything we've said to each other, but he's never brought up anything as an issue he has with me until today. I thought we were starting to get closer recently because we work right next to one another, and talk about comics, or games occasionally. It's always me starting up these interactions though.>>34407419I feel like that'll just get me in more trouble with the group. I put in the discord that I'm sorry to whoever was bothered by my story, and I was going to apologize to the supervisor at the first opportunity. Only one person's responded in about six hours, saying that it wasn't a big deal.>>34407430You're probably right. Not even an hour prior, this same guy was mocking a co-worker with a history of drug use, and severe brain damage from a car accident. He was also directly accusing someone else of being a pedophile for dating a 19 year old (he's in his 50s, the girl has repeatedly said that she's old enough to choose who she dates.)I wasn't making fun of him at all. It was just a sad story that we could all wince in solidarity for.>>34407559That's the healthy course of action to take, but at this point, I've been dealing with this kind of thing for all my life. I'm just sick of worrying that I'm one misstep away from a mountain of unaired grievances piling over all at once, and suddenly it's all "You're barred from any events with the work group" and "Don't even try to talk to me again"Clearly he's not handling this well, but I'm putting in a lot of effort to try, and all I get is kicked when I'm down.
>>34408251What a sensitive snowflake yikes. Well, that's their loss, you lost nothing except a bunch of retarded people's regard which was worthless anyway.Indeed your real course of action or focus should be>I don't know where to even go to talk to people outside of work. What kinds of hobbies let you meet up with the same people regularly? And not petty work politics shitJust follow whatever you're interested in and there's bound to be people wherever where you can trial and error until you find some people that stick well with whatever your schtick isAnd socialising is kinda a waste of time unless you have goals like finding a partner or networking for some particular end. Open-ended socialising sure to test the waters but it should narrow down later to actual purposeful socialising otherwise it's time wasting just to seem "normal"
>>34408271>And socialising is kinda a waste of time unless you have goals like finding a partner or networking for some particular endI just don't want to be alone. It's nice to actually have people to talk to about shared interests. playing online games, shooting the shit with a couple sodas and burgers. It's fun to make people laugh, and to laugh with them.Also, Isn't it usually a turn off for girls if a guy doesn't have any friends? Besides, I need to socialize and meet people if I want to actually get a wife eventually.
>>34408277Sure. If you have those interests then that's a good starting point to find a "friend group" like that. As for girls, turn-off or not it's rather your actually disposition rather than your # of friends. If you have no friends because you're a socially anxious wreck, then yes that would probably work against you. If you simply just don't have time for friends because you work on other goals, then it could be fine. Obviously it depends on the girl as well. But if your goal is to find a wife then you probably do need to socialise just to meet her in the first place
>>34407233>the host messages me on Discord
This guy is being a massive faggot, office people are usually massive faggots in general.Take it in stride and keep learning, find hobbies and therapy. You're doing better than you think
>>34407233First send this guy a note regretting that what you said offended him, assuring him you didn't mean to offend and hoping that one error in judgment won't cajuse a permananet break.At the same time, quietly (i.e., without making a big deal of it) talk separately to a few of the people who were there, asking if they were offended and apologizing if they were. This will serve the double purpose of smoothing out things with them and making them wonder why the host is so hard-nosed about it
>>34408954this is how you become a doormat. unless you really want to socialize with these people I wouldn't do this
You can still socialize with these pepe just host your own party
>>34408954I'm not sure the rest of them know that he tried banning me from all future events. I was planning to find a chance to talk with a few of them to mention it, and see if they feel like this is as bad as he's saying.At this point, I'm done trying with that guy in particular. I doubt he's seen my efforts to be a better conversationalist, or maybe he doesn't care. My station at work is directly across from his, so it's just going to be awkward.in the discord, I did kinda make a big deal out of apologizing to anyone who was bothered by it, but also slipped in that it was that guy who "brought it to my attention"
