I am 36, but I still feel like a child. My parents terrified me and starved me of physical affection and emotional warmth. I have never had a long-term girlfriend. I need physical affection the same as I need water, but I don't know how to find it. My parents never taught me how to meet women, and they made me feel ashamed of having any needs at all, and they told the hospital to mutilate me when I was born.I have tried lifting, running, meditation, journaling, psychedelics, MDMA, yoga retreats, volunteering, changing jobs...nothing works, man. I am fundamentally fucking broken. I really fucking need someone to hold me and look at me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I can't even find a prostitute to give this to me, they have PTSD from their jobs and get disgusted when a man wants to do anything other than orgasm and leave.Is there anything I can do? I have a weighted blanket. Massages don't hit the same way. All the things I listed only serve as distractions. I've had so many depressing interactions with women where they like when I ignore them or treat them like shit, but get disgusted when I open up or show any vulnerability. How the fuck do you have a real, meaningful connection when the woman wants that? And I'm a fairly attractive guy, but I look dominant, so I don't give off the soft energy at all. I swear I've had more women in relationships flirt with me than single women, and all this gets to my head.I have a week off coming up pretty soon. I can't keep living like this, and I really have no one to tell these thoughts to. My sister blocked me, my dad refuses to understand, and my few friends just give some variation of "Life is hard, man the fuck up and keep going." I think I have exhausted all my options. I'm considering buying a nitrogen tank, getting a trash bag, and ending it in my car once I drive somewhere nice.Give me a girlfriend. Give me a genuinely affectionate prostitute whom I can talk to and cuddle with. Please help...
>>34413240Just do dance classes, or get a dog.
>>34413240Women aren’t rejecting vulnerability itself. They’re reacting to intensity and timing. Dumping unmet lifetime needs early feels overwhelming, even if the need is valid.Therapy? Ask insurance for a social worker to help you navigate?
>>34413240>>I have tried lifting, running, meditation, journaling, psychedelics, MDMA, yoga retreats, volunteering, changing jobs...nothing works, man.This seems like a dumb question but why not pay to cuddle?
>>34413264>This seems like a dumb question but why not pay to cuddle?It's just not the same, not nearly enough skin contact. Same with massages. There is something deep inside my mind that is fucked up, and not even psychedelics could address it, I need someone to naked cuddle with and talk to 24/7 for a year.
>>34413240Bullshit larp. Whatever the course or the speed all you have to fucking do is communicate and show up. Anything else you say or do as an excuse. Any judgment you make when the other person has kept the same feelings that you loved with them before. Being committed and loyal to to you and keeping those feelings is a strength, not a weakness. The only reason you're viewing it that way is offloading your own accountability for fucking up. This is on you. Show up and communicate.
>>34413240>I am 36, but I still feel like a child.Everyone sort of does. But there are those who pilot their bodies with their adult mind, and those who never got one. Everyone was a child. The child self didn't magically disappear, it grew larger and older, and it took a back seat for the higher-self, the adult self. Human balance is about neither losing touch with the child self or refusing the growth into adult self. A human requires both. If you've only got one half, don't shit yourself. It means you're halfway there. >My parents never taught me how to meet womenThey're not supposed to. Good parents are only meant to tell you what to do if you encounter a shit one. You are supposed to know how to meet others. But if the parents didn't socialize with their child, didn't play peek-a-boo with the baby, didn't coo and make fun faces with toddler, mom didn't tell bedtime stories and dad didn't play rough house with the son as a child, kid doesn't learn how to meet anyone. Kid does not learn human boundaries or how to recognize human emotions because parents never demonstrated them.If your parents failed this, do forgive them. Because most parents who fuck this up wanted to do it, but they couldn't. They had to work, work, work to keep money coming in so you didn't go hungry or cold. 10 hours a day, 5 days a week maybe even 6. Too exhausted to play fun games and tell bedtime stories. You can thank late stage capitalism for that one OP. >I've had so many depressing interactions with women where they like when I ignore them or treat them like shit, but get disgusted when I open up or show any vulnerability.If you yourself are disgusted by your own neglect. Why do you expect others to feel different about it? Is that not the correct response? If someone tells you a fucked up experience, you feel fucked up for hearing it. That's basic empathy. You can get the girl, the cuddles, the picturesque family life you never had. But you need to let go of your old one
>>34413280>There is something deep inside my mind that is fucked up, and not even psychedelics could address it, I need someone to naked cuddle with and talk to 24/7 for a year.Also this is not fucked up, not as much as you think. It comes from a real place. And when you have a wife and kids of your own some day (and you will), you will find the answer as to why you demand naked cuddles you will learn exactly where that void comes from. There is no such thing in life as coincidence, nothing happens by itself. Whoever invented the concept of coincidence should be shot.Don't take offense to what I will reveal, okay? It's called "skin-to-skin." When you become a parent you learn about "skin-to-skin". Where you undress the baby to its diaper and you take your shirt off and you hold the baby close to your bare chest. You make sure the baby's bare chest is right up on yours, and you cuddle. This is not an optional part of baby care, it isn't something parents can refuse. It is absolutely essential for the baby. Because the baby's temperature regulation system is, well, that of a baby's. It doesn't work too well. So father or mother uses their own body temperature to regulate it for the baby. The babies body starts to mimic the parents temperature. It is also important because the parents body sweat starts to secrete beneficial bacteria, the parental instinct produces hormones to pack oils and sweat to be delivered to baby in contact. Strengthening it's weak immune system, to protect the babies body from illness. And babies crave it, they cry and scream for it. Because it is, as a matter of a fact, vital for humans to have after birth. If parents refused to give this to the baby, the haunting memory of lacking it remains. The adult desperately seeks the sacred bond it never had. And you can still have it. But the roles will be reversed. You be parent, and you give it to your baby even though you did not receive it. This completes the mission and void closes
>>34413332>ut if the parents didn't socialize with their child, didn't play peek-a-boo with the baby, didn't coo and make fun faces with toddler, mom didn't tell bedtime stories and dad didn't play rough house with the son as a child, kid doesn't learn how to meet anyone. Kid does not learn human boundaries or how to recognize human emotions because parents never demonstrated them.This sums up my situation pretty well. My parents told me that when I was a kid, my mom would try to play with me, and I would respond for 30 seconds and then go back to doing my own thing. Her mom had schizophrenia, her dad raped her, and she said she saw Jesus when CPS came to take her away, so I get why she didn't know shit about raising kids, but it doesn't make the damage any less painful.This video fucks me up, and I positive that this is what happened to me for years: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaiXi8KyzOQ>If you yourself are disgusted by your own neglect. Why do you expect others to feel different about it? Is that not the correct response? If someone tells you a fucked up experience, you feel fucked up for hearing it. That's basic empathy.I mean they feel disgusted by me, not what happened to me. This has happened many times after the girl has explicitly told me that I can open up and tell her anything. It has fucked with my head.>You can get the girl, the cuddles, the picturesque family life you never had. But you need to let go of your old oneHow?
>>34413362>If parents refused to give this to the baby, the haunting memory of lacking it remains. The adult desperately seeks the sacred bond it never had.That's interesting, I've never heard the phenomenon worded quite that way. I've read into a lot of things that hospitals do and society recommends that fucks the baby up - circumcision, cutting the umbilical cord, drugging the mother which prevents bonding, doing a c-section, taking the kid away right away, and not cosleeping - and if I ever have a family, I am going to do things far differently. My parents were boomers whose parents treated them like shit, so they thought that throwing me in a dark room each night and ignoring my crying was a good way to toughen me up.On getting that from a kid, I understand what you mean. But my dad's brother killed himself at 37 when he had a young kid, and I think that could very well be me, starting a family, still feeling empty, and then leaving behind a little bastard. I would really like to find another way to fix this, before I bring someone into this world.
>>34413391>I would respond for 30 seconds and then go back to doing my own thing.Yep that's normal for kids. What parents are supposed to do is keep interacting, over and over and over. Babies and infants and toddlers are blank slates, babies don't even respond to their own name. To them it's just noise. Call out a babies name and it won't look you in the eye, it will look everywhere but your eyes. That's normal. What parents are supposed to do is persist and keep doing it, not for 30 minutes, for hours, every day. And again, we live in a world where parents can no longer devote such time to children thanks to the necessity of 9-5 6 day a week waging. And society wonders why "autism" shot up in occurrence by a multitude of 10? >but it doesn't make the damage any less painful.I know. But pain isn't your enemy, it feels like it is, because pain feels shit. But if you look past the thorns of pain, you realize that it is power. Power to be wielded for either good or bad or to be wasted. Pain makes us feel shit yeah, but we have to admit, it's a pulse. It's a sign of life. Babies scream in pain when they are born, and adults scream in pain when they die. Pain is always with us, what makes pain a boon or a curse is whether or not we use pain as the fuel to go ahead and build a life. Or, wield it the wrong end and let it prevent us from making a life. That's down to choice. And if we cast a spell on ourselves where we told ourselves (or were told by others) we have no choices, then we keep choosing nothing. And that's what kills our spirit, bud. People who suffer for something can live and touch happiness. People who suffer, for nothing, it makes suicide attractive. Unless we choose something to suffer for. >How?Give to the woman what you never got. Give her love, man. You know what that is even if you never got it. If you played with jigsaw puzzles you know what the piece is by knowing the shape of its void.
>>34413407>But my dad's brother killed himself at 37 when he had a young kid, and I think that could very well be me, starting a family, still feeling empty, and then leaving behind a little bastard. Nah, that won't be you. You and I are strangers but I know for a fact that's not gonna be you. Because you are possessed of a mind. You actually bother to seek the source of suffering. You have eyes to see. People who are empty, end it, not because they are empty. But because they never found out truly why they had been empty. You do. You want fuck it up because you cannot fuck it up. You will make fuck ups yeah, we all do. But fucking it up the same way as your prior generation? Not a chance.
>>34413431>>34413436Thank you
>>34413466No problem. And remember say "fuck off" to suicide. Not out of some namby pamby Disney "life is wonderful" mantra. But because your suffering has value. From the fires of hell you can transmute pain into wisdom, emptiness into fulfillment. The twist is you won't eat of the fruit, but you will give that to someone else. And it will be returned to you. You'll still hurt you will still have emptiness. You won't let go of the pain, nor should you. Cuz it's the pain that will bring you to a higher place, same as it took you to a lower place. Letting go of the old war, you can. When a warrior leaves the battlefield after surviving when it's all over, he leaves the battlefield. He will not and cannot leave the wounds he took. But fuck it, that's fine. Because the scars are unspoken and unwritten messages that say "You still live." Never hate your wounds brother. And don't fall for the suicide meme either, cuz it's wasteful to throw away perfectly good suffering that can be rechanneled into something miraculous. The grim reaper doesn't like to be rushed, he will show when he shows. For now, trust the pain and use it. Do the impossible task of creating what you never received. If I could do it, so can you.
>>34413391>I mean they feel disgusted by me, not what happened to me. This has happened many times after the girl has explicitly told me that I can open up and tell her anything. It has fucked with my head.Oh one last thing I wanna equip you with, I don't like leaving people empty handed. You won't be doing this soul building thing alone, it cannot be done alone. Even Frankenstein's Monster, as powerful and supernaturally intelligent as he was, demanded a bride from his maker. Even God Himself says: "The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."That's Genesis 2:18.Key words: "suitable for him". Those women were not suitable for you. So who is? Who can love a man whose heart is like shattered glass, who cuts those whoever gets close to him? The girl with a heart of stone, bro. That's who your future wife is going to be. This may sound esoteric but I speak what I know: There's two types of broken, two types of fucked up. The one who was neglected, whose heart is shattered like glass never formed, empty and formless but painful to touch. And the one who was abused whose heart has to die and turn into a stone to survive. Those who remained stuck as a child, abandoned and those who never got to even have a childhood, crushed by adult sized problems their frail bodies and minds could not carry. Someone with the heart of stone can't feel the sting of your type of flaw. They can only feel your warmth. And likewise, you cannot be broken by their stones, you already had been broken. They don't feel much of anything, and you feel too much of pain. They can hold you, and feel warmth from your intensity. And you can have a 'rock' to form upon. The "other half". If you grew up in hell, you have one. But if you look to functional and domesticated society, from "normies" you won't find her there. You find her down in the depths, and you both choose to grow together, up and out of hell, together, toward heaven.
>>34413240What you are asking for doesn't exist even for people in relationships. Women aren't "nurturing" and "caring" like stereotypes portray. The rest of us men have learned to cope without a motherly partner, now its your time too.
>>34413662If you want a motherly partner, you simply make your partner a mother. Knock her up. Job done, simple as, hello and goodnight.
Everything is going to be okay anon!
Your meow right now would sound like music to me.
>>34413285Not OP, but>show up>communicate>"I'm just not ready for that right now">"But you're a really great guy!">"You'll find the right woman for you!">th-thanksI try to stay positive, but it's really diffiicult sometimes. It's either the above or I found out she has a boyfriend after knowing her for like a week.
>>34413662>cope without a motherly partnerbro just get a therapist to help you overcome your mommy issues lmao??
Have you tried fat single moms? All you need is a job and the willingness to act like a father to the kid/kids and you get infinity ugly lady pussy.
Unfortunately your friends are right you need to man up and power through. It's tough because that soft sensitive side has its purpose but right now it's hindering you. I know how it feels to be broken but you need to find other things to live for.
>>34413240I remember feeling a kinda way sitting at a table alone at a strip club. Then a very nice girl looked like velma sat next to me and we clicked.Go figure this girl has a very similar childhood, narc mother, etc. we bonded and spent a few months together and I also helped her with her problems. We are both better people now today. Try going there and just hanging out and you might be surprised. The girls there need some love too as they have probably been through it but remember it's a business.
>>34413657Unfortunately, feminism has poisoned most women, and it's done so for the 50 years. Even China is collapsing under feminist dogma. "Men are evil, but women should strive to be a man." I am not sure what you mean about the glass and stones. I hope I can find someone out there for me.
>>34413778She will be motherly towards her child, not you.
>>34413662If I cannot find this source of comfort in the world, I am going to kill myself
>>34413873Thank you <3
>>34414438Feminism and social media have destroyed women more than porn has destroyed men. I refuse to believe that this is their natural state. I hooked up with a girl who told me she was taking a break from her boyfriend, and she wanted me to choke there. This shit is not normal, and there must be women out there who value clear communication and compassion.
>>34416063>She will be motherly towards her child, not youYou're in for a pleasant surprise amigo. I speak from experience. A man doesn't even have to ask for it, it happens anyway. When the woman becomes a mom she can't help but spill that onto you. >>34416060The glass and stones analogy I'm laying out it this: You got neglected and you feel like a child stuck in an adult body, didn't really ingratiate into higher adult self.There's those of us who have the opposite type of broken. Our innocence got killed before we could learn to speak, it wasn't neglect, it was abuse. Both parts of the same coincidence, just different sides of it. You got a cold and freezing acre of hell, some got the burning incinerating fire. Those in the other side, they never got to experience childhood or innocence at all. Their hearts hardened and they had to develop an adult mind in the body of a child. It was either that or die of insanity. They lack what you have. You lack what they have, and opposites attract. Your flaws can't put them off, and their flaws can't put you off. It might seem profane, like some unholy union that would lead to something fucked, but it's not. If your goal is recovery and their goal is recovery, you heal each other. Because you have the things they need, and they have what you need. Does that make sense ?
>>34416420>Same coincidenceSame coin**
>>34416064Before you KYS, try the TFM solution and use a sex doll as a companion.
>>34416420I see it as generations of parents, both mothers and fathers, failing their children. The best solution I see is being the father to her by being strong, stoic, confident, competent, and maybe that will unlock her inner mother.>>34416464What is TFM?I'm retarded enough that I've considered buying one of those dismembered holes that you fuck. Not like I remember it, but I suspect I had a really rough time when the doctors mutilated me, so I've spent my whole life with my hips recoiled. So, my legs are all fucked up, and I actually don't know how to properly thrust.But, even if I figure out the technique and strengthen my legs, that's only a very small part of the equation. And a sex doll can't give actual warmth or companionship (and I imagine it doesn't do anything for skin contact either, my weighted blanket is just alright), the options on the table right now are suicide or finding an affectionate girl.
