I need some hopecore, what keeps you going? I am so dissatisfied with my life and nothing has made me happy for a very very long time. I've given up hope that I'll ever have a happy future, I'm in mental and physical agony and passive suicidal ideation is on my mind daily. Despite all this, I've never actually made any attempts on my life. I do enjoy being alive at times but wish I was under better circumstances. I wish I was back in time so I could do it differently. I don't actually want to die I just want to disappear and start over. What's really stopping me from killing myself though is my little niece, I want to be a good uncle for her and I want to be there for her as she grows older. But it can be so hard spending time with a kid when you are chronically depressed and physically can't muster up the energy to do anything. I watched the film Aftersun recently and it made me break down and want to cry for this very reason.
The world will not get the satisfaction of seeing me fall and break apart. My naysayers don't get to be proven right. I'm going to enjoy the world as much as I please. I'm going to achieve whatever I want to achieve. I won't become a sob story or a statistic.
>>34426127To answer your question my parents.
What keeps me going is knowing that I have so much more left to learn, and the hope that when I learn it I may be able to use what I've learned to help others. I'm grateful for every abuse I've suffered in the past, for the same reason. Valuing wisdom more than comfort means you can never be disappointed or depressed, because everything that happens to you in life, no matter how terrible, is an opportunity to become wiser.
>>34426127What stops me is this idea I made up: Life is an infinite loop where you just live the same life over and over again, like a cassette tape being turned from A side to B side to A side forever. Nothing changes, and you never remember the last times. Every time feels like it is the first.If I quit now, everything just restarts over in the exact same way, and what life have I fucking lived?I'm waiting for the good shit to happen.
>>34426127It's a pretty shit world desu. The more you think things the more they fall apart so it's best to see things selfishly and help the people you belong to. Sometimes you don't belong and nobody offers help either so it's easy to see the flaws in everything.What I do is wonder "Maybe, before I was alive, I asked God to see parrots from the time parrots still existed", that way it makes more sense that I was born in a doomed third world shithole while having had parakeet pets and wild parrots roosting in the grove in front of my house.Ask yourself if you would live in prehistoric times to see dinosaurs or something else in history. Try to realize what you like most out of living today.
>>34426229That's disheartening.>>34426192Being wise only makes you realize where your life could have gone better but took the wrong turn out of things that weren't in your hands. Using wisdom to warn people doesn't work because nobody listens. If you're a loner nobody will approach you for advice to pass on, so the lessons are useless. When people do come for advice, often you can only point out where life went wrong again and they can't act on it. You become less and less surprised when you learn too much so it feels like being dead inside.
>>34426238>Being wise only makes you realize where your life could have gone better but took the wrong turn out of things that weren't in your handsNo, that's not ever what wisdom looks like. Wisdom is knowing that the mistakes you've made in the past were necessary steps towards improvement. Trials and errors are how learning happens in the first place, so to look back on your errors and see them as a waste, wishing you could undo them, is the same as wanting to undo all of your progress. Pointless regret that doesn't lead to reform isn't wisdom, it's foolishness.>Using wisdom to warn people doesn't work because nobody listensYou can never know that you didn't have a positive impact on somebody. A single exchange might not bear fruit for years. Even if you were just one out of a dozen people who told them the same message, you were still a necessary part of that transformation in the same way that an individual thread is a necessary part of a garment. And in the end, even if they never learn, you can still take comfort in the knowledge that you acted dutifully by trying to help them.>You become less and less surprised when you learn too much so it feels like being dead inside.Wisdom is always enriching, so it never leads to that kind of feeling. The thing you're wrestling with isn't an excess of knowledge, it's a lack of knowledge. Or to put it another way, wisdom is just cleaving to truth, and truth is always beneficial. Even knowing the truth about something bad is better than not knowing it, because if you know it then you can address it properly.
>>34426127For me, it's just laziness and cowardice. I'm planning on buying a gun, but it's a lot of paperwork on my country. I see no reason to care about anyone or anything, and getting older and older just makes this feeling more profound.
I think suicide simply isn't part my self-destructive repertoire.
>>34426127My own self-discipline. My life is shitty, but I've finally figured out how to push myself to do things and learn skills. I feel like I can get myself out of this situation as long as I keep chipping away at it. My hopecore is that I will be in a better place in a decade from now. On the contrary, if you don't have self-discipline and continue to make bad investments with your time, then obviously you will not have any hope for your future.
Life can surprise you!Do something unexpected and something unexpected will happen too!Free will my friend. Talk to that girl, go to that place, achieve that goal.Do a trip around the world, rob a bank, rob a boat, get drunk in a random bar in a far away land. Build houses for a village, help someone, lose yourself in movies, books. Just think about the person you were 10,20 years ago. You might be a totally different one in the future. Just work on yourself, your fitness, career and health, and EVERYTHING will fall into place.
>>34426127My fear of doing it. Not much else in my way. Plus the belief that there's still some journey I can take to try and fix this. Like walk the earth, understand how shit my life is, maybe do it anyway.>>34426643All these people talking big about high level shit, it's clear who's still functional but depressed, and who's truly dysfunctional and depressed. I can't even clean my house, take a shower, brush my teeth, make myself food, inject properly (type 1 diabetes), get up from the bed, perform well at school. I'm 29 about to turn 30 bro. This is insanity.
>>34426671You have to mind game yourself to do thingsI have ADHD, and the big breakthrough was realizing I can just do a little bit and quit at any time I feel like it. I usually end up doing more than I expect anyways. Now I do this for everything, from emptying the dishwasher to working out in the gym.
>>34426232Based Budgie Bro
>>34426797Well thanks, I do tend to think in broad strokes which can put me off doing things, and starting does help. But that's why I adapted, adapted to not start on anything. At all. Ever. And even when I do start guess what, I do it for a good 60-300 seconds, and then I stop. And I go lay, watch a video, or in rare cases play a game. It's horrendous. I'm nothing more than a set of pleasure buttons, there is nothing substantial or meaningful in my life. There is no one who sees me, I am very alone and having friends didn't fix it, and just now I'm getting involved with a girl after years of trying, and I have this feeling that she's slipping away.Probably the last straw for me before I do it. She hasn't texted me much in 2 days.
I believe having the nerve to pull the trigger is a genetic talent. If you could objectively measure the suffering of one person against another I'm willing to bet there are many of those without the nerve who have it worse than people who managed to go through with it, dragging themselves through the mud to this day like the undead I think if you have had a history of depression and suicidal thoughts for decades and are still alive I think it's safe to assume your chances of dying from suicide are slim to none
>>34426838suffering isn't eternalyour brain is constantly producing dopamine and serotonin just waiting for that next sweet release
>>34426822yeah I was like that for years. I think a lot of people have those kinds of periods in their life. some things are just out of your control. it's better to focus on what you can change.
>>34426127The fact that I keep thinking that life is going to get better, even though it clearly won't. In other words, because I'm a gullible fucking retard.
>>34426851For depressed people their dopamine and serotonin baseline is super low so they do exist in a state of "eternal suffering". It can probably be controlled by meds but those come with their own problems
>>34426924it only feels eternal, it's not really eternal. time heals all wounds.
>>34426127I’ve been battling depression for nearly a decade (I’m in my early twenties). Every day I wake up hoping that the depression has gone away, that I’ve finally been freed from mental illness and emotional crises. My journey began, literally, with a meaningless trifle and then turned into a never-ending nightmare. I constantly hope that one day the thoughts and the pain will be gone and that I can move on with my life; that is why I haven’t ended my life yet.I once thought that when I turned twenty, I’d look back and laugh at my past, but I realized it was more complicated than that.
>>34426127Hi OP, I have done a attempt in the past and I was very actively suicidalCouple of things can help you here;1. Enjoy life even if you feel like your missing everything because in reality everyone has their own problems and theres not always a solution to that. Even the best people in the world struggles with this.2. Visiting your doc, talk to people about your struggles and also the things you enjoy3. Master the art of lifestyle changes. Instead of doing the same stuff you do everyday, do something more fun and different. Living is always repetitive if you are not willing to make a change
>>34427098Your emotional state is the product of your thoughts. You can't go on thinking the same kinds of thoughts while hoping that the emotional state will magically change. Change the cause, and the effect will change. Change the thoughts that you think to yourself day in and day out into positive, productive and truthful thoughts, and eventually the depression will starve and fade away due to a lack of negativity in your outlook.
>>34426127i'm a worthless coward,or else i would have an heroed years back.
>>34426851>suffering isn't eternalI beg to differ
>>34427680
It would be pretty gauche of me to hijack attention before the big family event I need to attend this summer. Bad timing.I was waiting for my grandfather, then my cats, then I was putting it off because I'd already spent money on a concert ticket. Inventing new arbitrary reasons to keep going and re-evaluate later.
>>34426127Life can change dramatically for better or worse if you are willing to take some risks, so there's always hope or a chance. Even if life sucks at the moment it's silly to assume it's always going to be that way. Also, many people might think I'm a loser but I'm making active decisions to live life the way I want and that's what ultimately got me out of depression.
>>34426229You didnt make that up, thats just Nietzsche with his eternal recurrence
>>34426924Serotonin deficiency has long since been debooonked thoughever
>>34426924Ssris are a fucking joke but yeah my dopamine is fucked up
>>34426127Honestly, not even sure anymore. I wake up every day wondering why I keep doing this.
Why would I kill myself?
>>34426127What is stopping me? Not knowing how to do it properly.
>>34426127I never wanted to kms but reading the Dhammapada definitely gave me a more positive outlook on life.My parents were hippie atheists who raised me to believe that "life is meaningless so just have fun and stuff" which never cut it for me.I really took to Buddhism, in particular how it teaches that life is all about growth and there is no limit to it, even death doesn't stop you from growing.Even if you're weak, dull, ugly and unlikable, there is meaning in the struggle, there is meaning in trying to do good. Life never ends but what we do in this life determines what our next will look like.
I must have had a reason at one time to keep coming back, but I can't think of it right now.
>>34426127It would throw a wrench into my mother's and sister's lives. They are the only two people who care about me, so I don't want to hurt them.I recently became interested in long distance motorcycle travel and camping after watching some YouTube vlogs. I want to try it. Get my motorcycle license and go to some secluded national parks or nearby countries. It's the small light that gives me hope, for now. Inertia also plays some part, I suppose.I hope things will get better for us, if we long enough. Hope is all I have.
>Sittin' in traffic, another day of feelin' nothin'>Tryin' to find somethin', I guess it's back to huffin'>Paint and model glue, oh how I die when I look>At you smilin' lovin' life and all I know is blue>Rainy days and cold stares, broken love affairs>Everything's beautiful, as long as I ain't there>I guess I wasn't meant to crack a smile, who cares>I think I'll go to sleep for a while now
>>34426127I was gifted the predisposition to think positively. It's determined at birth. You can lose it though.There are always comfy moments ahead. Even if my brain goes fucking mental at night and I'm experiencing some inexplicable night terrors.I always look forward to fucking women, coffee, jacking off, and hipster and Tumblr stuff (quiet rainy garden, music, funny joking)t. no human contact since October.
>>34426229I've heard this eternal recurrence theory before and there are some physicists who believe that the universe resets and repeats. I really hope this isn't completely true though, I think an element of it is really depressing and it must suck really bad for kids who are abused and/or die young. Is their life really nothing but shortlived misery repeatedly infinitely? No I'd rather believe the possibility that when we die we re-experience this life in a parallel universe of sorts where things are slightly different. Maybe next time my circumstances will be better. Maybe you might have a different eye color. Maybe you might even be born the opposite gender next time. That would be pretty fun and way more interesting than just living this exact life on repeat forever and ever.
>>34426127Since we're put on the mortal plane by God as punishment for unknown transgressions in Paradise, I know that killing myself would just result in being put into another meat frame for additional suffering. In other words, I would just end up getting a longer time out. Only by living rightly can we return to the Lord of Hosts' side.
>What is stopping you from killing yourself?Spite
>>34427752Oh wow, this is interesting, I knew someone had invented this theory before, just didn't know how to search for it. I will look up and read about eternal recurrence now.Thanks anon
