about two months ago, my dad killed my mom and then took his own life, and nothing has gotten better since. I heard it gets easier with time, but every day actually gets harder. Im the oldest of three siblings, my parents and i are from europe, but we moved to the us when i was three and my siblings were born here. Snce we dont have contact with our extended family, no one from either side stepped in to take custody of us. Only about five people showed up to the funeral (my dads coworkers, no one came for my mom.) And besides the social workers and the police, that was the last time anyone told me they were sorry. I mean, i always knew that nobody really cares about others problems, but now it hits harder. Anyways, idk what im supposed to do to move forward after something like this. Idk if I’ll be sent to a temporary home or placed with another family, and after hearing so many stories about girls being abused in foster care my future doesnt feel hopeful at all. Ive been thinking about suicide, but im not brave enough to do it. What am i supposed to do? Is there anything i can do?
>>34431499First, I'm sorry. And not that fake sorry some people will say. When my dad died, I didn't want to hear sorry because it didn't make it better. But you need to hear it, so I'm sorry.Your situation is a lot harder than mine was due to the circumstances. For me, I was mad at my father for a year because his death was related to him lying about quitting smoking. During that time I had to figure out how to sell his house while dealing with my depression. Therapy may help you, I opted not to go. I didn't want phone calls or reminders. If you are abused, don't take it. Get out immediately and run to the police. Worst case scenario is you aren't believed and are sent back, but that'll still be better than more abuse and now something will be on record if you have to run away a 2nd time.My personality type is also rather robotic, but oh boy did my dad's death open up my emotions. I yelled in my car to get it out. You might do well to keep a diary. Thinking thoughts is one thing, but getting them out in a physical form is another. I even blog posted here a little bit (without revealing too much) and that helped. The reason I mentioned my personality being robotic is because I broke out of my depression about 1 year after my dad's death. Not having to deal with his house helped. Your "good" thing is you don't have clean-up. It may take you until you're out on your own to feel better. Or maybe a new family if you get a good one will help you. Every day while I was dealing with the circumstances around my dad's death I felt worse. I distracted myself with a lot of Youtube because I couldn't be productive. However, once I did break out of depression, things got so much better. It took me a year. I wonder if that was too fast. One day, I realized that I was okay with my dad's death, but I was not okay with the fact that I was okay with it. I have no idea how long it will take you to get out of the hole. Part 1 of 2 (character limit)
>>34431499Suicide will only hurt your siblings. As the oldest they need you to be the strong one, and they need you now more than ever. I hope you haven't been separated from them. That is a very common thing. Do whatever you can to not let that happen. Make sure you have phones if so and keep contact.
>>34431535>>34431540These are both me. I forgot to list 2 of 2 in the 2nd post. Oh, and if you're really ever about to kill yourself. Use the hotline or talk to literally anyone. You may not want to be put into a program because of it, but whatever they do will be better than just being dead. I've read posts from suicidal people who made it through it. The common thing there was they were all glad they didn't kill themselves. Hopefully, someone like that can also send you a message.
firstly, two months is not a sufficient length of time in which people are fully able to move through the process of grief after such a horrifically violent and sudden loss.secondly, your life may become more difficult as you get older. i can understand the anxiety surrounding your circumstances, as they are much different from what most people have gone through, but also note that many people have been through similar things as yourself and survived. it may not always be pleasant or ideal, but there is always possibility for a better adulthood.i'm sorry this has happened to you. i hope you feel better soon. try not to kill yourself. it wouldn't make anything better.
>>34431499I wish I knew what to say to you, but I don't know how. And that's why I'm sorry OP. That's why people say "I'm sorry". They are sorry that they cannot help you, because what has happened to you is so unfathomable in severity that it makes others feel helpless into knowing how to even help. Because nothing you or anyone can do is going to undo the loss, or erase the severity of what has happened. So yes I am sorry. But what I gotta say after that is don't kill yourself. Because you are what remains of your mother. You are 50% who she is genetically and even psychologically. Do not kill yourself because if you do, another piece of her dies. Protect that at all costs and look after yourself.
>>34431499Can only go up from here unless you give up.
Why did your father killed your mother and killed himself, do you know the reason? You'll be sent to foster care and yes, people rape each other there. My advice is: don't trust the kids there, they are full of malice and even other women could set you up to be raped by others. Try taking care of your sibling so she or he isn't abused either. Would it take a long time for you to be able to get out of the foster care? You could get a part time job and when you get out take your sibling's custody. Can't you go to your grandparents home if they're in Europe? Do you have contact with them?
Guys, skip the condolences and give practical advice.
>>34431624Love siblings, report abuse, get job, practice minimalism, save, and invest. Emotionally it will get easier over time but don't force it, just guide it.
>>34431624Practical advice doesn't help in this situation and you would understand that if you had someone abruptly die on you.
>>34431642>Practical advice doesn't help in this situation and you would understand that if you had someone abruptly die on you.Dude, she didn't ask for your condolences, she asked what she is supposed to do and if there's anything she can do. Give her practical advices on how to avoid foster care, but if you think she probably won't be able to avoid foster care, give her advices on how to survive and overcome that... This is way better than all giving fake condolences, this is an advice board.
>>34431655"Dude", read between the lines. Specifically the lines between her post number and where she wrote "What am i supposed to do? Is there anything i can do?"Did you read any of it? >And besides the social workers and the police, that was the last time anyone told me they were sorry. I mean, i always knew that nobody really cares about others problems, but now it hits harder.She feels a lack of emotional support. And the reason she is on this board is because she is here to express grief and receive some slither of support. That's just as valuable if not more so than practical advice. Practical advice cannot remove heartache. And again, you would know that if you had experienced a significant loss.
>>34431535first of all, thank you!! And also sorry for your father. Well, I've been in therapy because I've been forced to. It doesn't help much since my therapist seems more interested in talking about the past than the future and what happened before my parents died, which doesn't matter anymore. Some people told me to write about what I feel, but I've been putting it off, I'll do it whenever I can>>34431540were in separate homes, but I still saw them two or three times a week. They are not far away, but they are much younger than me, so im in a different shelter>>34431560>>34431586suicide isnt really an option, as i said i wouldnt have the courage to do it and it would be selfish to my siblings after theyve already lost their parents. It's just an unrealistic wish. Well, thank you very much for the messages>>34431616>Why did your father kill your mother and himself my father always had anger issues and used to beat my mother a lot, it wasn't a surprise. Idk the specific context of the fight in which he killed her, nor if he had planned it. I just know he was loud when he did it>Would it take a long time for you to be able to get out of foster care?not really, im already a senior so I'll be free next year>Can't you go to your grandparents home if they're in Europe?idk them irl and even when they found out what happened, they didnt try to contact me in any way so i dont think so
>>34431687>idk them irl and even when they found out what happened, they didnt try to contact me in any way so i dont think soYeah, that's bad, but... Are you eastern European by any chance? Your grandparents could be cold just because it's in their culture. Have you heard anything about your grandparents from your parents? Maybe you could ask them to at least adopt you legally, so you don't need to go to foster care, if your parents have a house, you can live there and don't worry about paying rent. (I would say, don't trust uncles and aunties, since your parents assets could be in their custody if they adopt you till you're legally of age, they could end up exploiting you)
>>34431687>they didnt try to contact me in any way so i dont think soLike, consider what I said and take the initiative, maybe, just maybe it could go right, you never know... Do you have their contact? It's better to try it than to wait for life to happen. They could not even know about the situation you're in since you never met them
>>34431624Practise Wim Hof breathing and various other breath work and mind over matter stuff that is very phsyical so you can brute force production of feel good hormons etc. Its very pratical and you will undeniably feel better after practising some kind of breathwork/meditation whatever chanting aum or something. Besides getting a job, and finding new meaning in life, and seeking actual proffesional help more then once a week. just dont end up in a cult. you are prime cult victim
>>34431687>suicide isnt really an option, as i said i wouldnt have the courage to do it and it would be selfish to my siblings after theyve already lost their parents. It's just an unrealistic wish. Well, thank you very much for the messagesNo problem. And don't feel bad for the suicidal ideation either. Neither act on it or feel bad for feeling the death wish. What that is, it's your mind wanting to escape the impossibly fucked up situation. It wants the situation to die, but not you. Death only looks like an attractive escape only because life feels worse than death at the time. And given your situation, who could blame you for feeling that? There will come a time where thing do get "better". And I put that in quotations because it'll be a conflicting "better". You go numb, you normalize it, you start feeling less and less and you might even feel guilty for feeling nothing about what happened. And some people tell you that's a sign of recovery, and it's conflicting. It's part of the process, the actual better comes way after that. And even then you will still feel pain, you will still have moments where you have the emotional flashback back to the day they died, but they happen less frequently and less frequently and eventually you just accept and you rebuild. It's a hard and fuckin' crazy process, but you can make it, that much is certain. It's going to get worse before it gets better, so brace yourself.
>>34431714>Practise Wim Hof breathingI said practical advices and you're trying to give her early dementia
>>34431741read the publications, the facts speak for themselves. I thought you were her with all the teenage girl aura that you have, sorry.
>>34431499>about two months ago, my dad killed my mom and then took his own lifethats rough buddy
>>34431762>read the publicationsWhich ones? Win Hof has early dementia because of his method, as well as many other people. That's why the method is pushed in the media, stop being gullible.>teenage girl auraBetter than being a retard that believes in anything he sees on the internet, this is a signal of 2 digits IQ.>picrelatedWin Hof when 63 years old. Does this look like a healthy 63 year old? My Grandpa looked better at 93
>>34431586>>34431560>>34431553>>34431540>>34431535<3
>>34431499>I heard it gets easier with time, but every day actually gets harder.I can tell you, having lost two of my kids, it gets "different", neither easier nor harder. You'll get through it.
>>34431499Damn... the stuff I read here sometimes.I guess you could set up GoFundMe? I saw some great instances of it helping people overcome tragedies. Any extra money will help to set you up and your siblings.You probably can't open a bank account yet being under 18, but you mention you are a senior.
>>34431687anger issues and killing someone especially your own wife is a bit of a difference if it wasnt a surprise at all why didnt you contact police before it happened
>>34432073>why didnt you contact police before it happenedDude, are you retard? Just because it wasn't a surprise it doesn't mean the girl can predict the future. Your attempt of trying to blame her or make her guilty is kind of sickening.
>>34431499>What am i supposed to do?First of all, how old are you?
>>34431691>Are you Eastern European?nope, im from italytrying to get legal guardianship of me from my grandparents is a really good advice, thanks!! I'll try to contact them but im not expecting a good response>>34431699>Do you have their contact? No, but a social worker told me that they contacted my paternal and maternal grandparents and some other relatives, and none of them seemed interested in the situation overall. That made me really sad so looking for them wasn't an option but it seems like my last option now>>34432022so sorry for your kids. How long did it take to become different for you?>>34432028sorry, i have no idea what that is. But im not 18 yet anyway, i skipped a year in school>>34432073i spoke to a teacher about it once and she called my parents to the school, my father kicked my ass after that. My mother always forgave and defended him, so i thought calling the police wouldnt make sense. I know it doesnt justify it and i could have done so much more for her. I do regret about it, but now its too late
>>34431499People who go through fucked up shit need an outlet. I'm 32 and got into rapping a few months ago, it helps. >>34431535Which is I think why this poster suggested a diary.Physical form helps, but I think it's more about it being external in some form. (Forgive my splitting hairs autism)Write poetry, lyrics, sing songs, make music of some kind, draw, paint, make sculptures, whatever it is, find some kind of outlet where you feel proud of your ability to express yourself, comforted, or like you have some sort of closure.I'm likely a bit biased, and I'm anon so naturally you're likely best taking what works for you for what I'm saying and leave the crust for someone who wants to eat it.Good luck to you.
>>34432298>so sorry for your kids. How long did it take to become different for you?About 8 years for the first. I'm only two years into the second.
>>34431499dont kill yourself take it day by daytalk to AI (not GPT but Deepseek or Grok) about your emotions when nobody else is around and ask it for actionable steps you can take to improve your situationbe patient with yourself, you are young, you went thru abuse, both parents dying, its still fresh, you still didnt figure it out and it will take time to digest itdont blame yourself, blame your parents for forming sick dynamic - both of them are at fault, one for taking shit, another for dealing shit. It takes a masochist and sadist to form a dynamic like that, it doesnt happen between two healthy peoplewhen you start dating yourself - remember not to be like your mother or father - simply said for healthy dating you need to be able TO LOVE and to BE LOVED. Both are skills. Some can dish out love but dont find themselves lovable because they never learned, but you can learn if you focus on what emotions you wanna feel in your relationships - list them. Its more important than knowing what type of person you want. trust yourself, treasure yourself, be good to yourself, journal your emotions it will get you to a place of better knowing yourself and digesting stuff happens only if you digest it and sit with it, but dont force yourself, it comes in "spurts" when it comes, sit and talk it out with yourself, or AI, both has its usage.
>>34432298How did ur parents end up together in the 1st place. The motives behind the actions, doesn't make sense/disproportionate. Along with the apathy of grandparents/extended family
>>34432397The reason I suggested a diary was because when I was processing my dad's death, having something out there helped me figure things out. I could think about something multiple times, but until I said it or made a post about it on here, (without personal details) I'd be stuck on the thought. For whatever reason, when I thought about something without saying it or typing it up in a document or a post, I'd still be stuck on the thought. Actually getting it out of my head via spoken word, written word, or typed word helped me move on to the next related thought and eventually move on and out of my depression. I don't know why that is, but it worked for me. I could think a sentence multiple times, but only after speaking or typing that exact same sentence could I move on from it. So yeah, it doesn't have to be physical form, speaking out loud to myself about things also helped me.>>34433244Talking to AI about mental health problems is terrible advice.
>>34431499>about two months ago, my dad killed my mom and then took his own lifeOh god, that old story again?
