>>34431700
You're not giving us much information to go on, here. I wonder if perhaps you try so hard to make yourself into what you think the other person wants, you end up losing yourself and an all trace of individuality? It can be very tiring dealing with someone who, every time you ask "What do you want to do?" always says "I don't know - what do you want to do?" And it can be boring being with someone who never says anything because she's so afraid of saying the wrong thing.

>>34431771
Dating female autism starter pack

>>34431700
What you're doing wrong is you're not doing anything wrong. Humans are fucking silly that way OP. They require a rollercoaster, not a crazy severe one like the BPD chicks provide, that makes people vomit. But they don't want just a straight and easy line either, that puts them to sleep. What they want is a nice balanced rollercoaster that has its moments but has its healthy lows too.
They don't want a compliant and innocent and overly honest partner but they don't want a bratty, tainted lying bitch either. They want someone who gives enough of a shit to be able to argue a tiny bit, because it shows they have emotional investment in the relationship. But they also want someone who knows how to be gentle, loving, giving and intimate.

Because humans want their relationships to resemble or reflect their own life. And life is full of ups and downs. And the point of relationships is, you are two people going through that together. And if you just put on the "nice girl" mask non-stop the other person feels they aren't experiencing the same reality as you, and they make conciously or unconsciously emotionally check out.

>>34431700
From your OP I can't tell if the problem is that you are a beautiful oversensitive BPD girl who gets hurt so easily that people don't dare to tell you the truth about your personality issues, or if you are more of a plain/boring aloof type of girl, or just ugly. Probably also depends on the context of the relationships, like, are people actually trying to have a relationship or are they just using you for sex and moving on.

>>34431800
>They don't want a compliant and innocent and overly honest partner
not OP, but wtf do you do if they hate you as soon as there starts being any complications in the relationship on your side and it turns out you're not just a compliant and affectionate person?
i do my best to stick with others in their lowest moments and be understanding of their struggles, but people don't care to give me the same energy. it's a pattern that keeps happening with people i care a lot about

>>34431700
shut up bitch

>>34433276
It's because of boundaries and expectations. I'll put it to you this way:

If I wear a mask that says "Nice guy". And in my heart I try to be that nice guy, and all I ever do for others is be nice, nice, nice. I let people take, take, take. "no problem", I say. "Don't worry, it's fine!". "Yeah in fine it's ok." "Nah I'm sorry you're right, go ahead."

That sorta shit. I am just "nice". And that's all. Guess what happens when I no longer can maintain the nice guy act? I fall down and I express hurt or anger or indigestion, I feel bad. And everyone, absolutely everyone is shocked and appalled and even disgusted so they walk away. After all the nice things you do, they don't help you up, they walk away.

You know why that happens? Because the "nice person" set the expectation. They themselves told everyone they are fine when they're not feeling fine. Everyone believed the nice person, they all felt they were feeling okay. Because the "nice" person said so. So when nice person falls, they all think "they will be ok. They don't need help."

That's what's happened

>>34433285
>Indigestion
Indignation** lmao what an autocorrect

>>34433285
>If I wear a mask that says "Nice guy". And in my heart I try to be that nice guy, and all I ever do for others is be nice, nice, nice. I let people take, take, take. "no problem", I say. "Don't worry, it's fine!". "Yeah in fine it's ok." "Nah I'm sorry you're right, go ahead."
the thing is that most of this isn't a mask for me? i'm pretty open with my feelings as long as someone is willing to hear it. i just don't see a reason to bring up how i feel unless it's relevant, and these people don't inquire about it either. and my standards are pretty low, i'm genuinely happy with most people things do.
i'll still keep this in mind for whenever it is a mask though, ty. it's kinda annoying because i don't set an expectation of how someone is /supposed/ to be emotionally, and i don't shun ppl based off of that when they struggle. because people can be vastly different when they are, in my head changes like that are normal

>>34431700
I'm not being cruel: lose some the weight

>>34433285
>>34433276
>Cont
So the question is: Why do "nice people" end up line that? And why do we put "nice" in quotes as if they're not nice people? Because they're not 100% nice. Theyre nice to others that is true. But they are absolutely ruthless and merciless with themselves. They always forget they're a person too and inside their own heads they torture themselves in ways most don't see.

And they end up in the "nice person" social performance because what it's actually about is they don't know how to be disagreeable. They don't know how to express negativity in a healthy way. Because their only experience of negativity or disagreeableness was most likely the abusive form of it. And they really really don't want to become like that. They never want to be as abusive or as toxic as they had witnessed from others in their life. But they still need to be disagreeable and express negativity. But they do not know how to do that without falling into becoming what they fear. So they mask up with "nice person" in hopes they can avoid learning how to push through negativity, hoping they can just have positivity and that's all. But life isn't like that and deep down they know that, which is why they feel a lot of tension inside. But it could all be solved if they just learn healthy disagreement or healthy ways to express negativity in the right way.

>>34433296
I believe you. If it helps you consider more possibilities: Masking is sometimes misunderstood. Some people think masking = you are pretending to be someone else

That isn't masking. Masking is simply you deliberately censor an emotion or expression of an emotion form yourself in a social setting. You deliberately silence yourself, you cover it, hide it. And the way to do that is a "mask". Like hiding a crying face behind a face of indifference or a face of 'happiness". Everyone does it btw. Normies and non normies alike. Sometimes we have to mask, like we can't tell our boss "fuck yourself I'm tired" in work. We'd get fired lol.

But for some, they mask all day every day, and it's "stuck", the mask gets stuck. They never let people see their negativity at all.

>>34433276
You sound like you're desperate. You are approaching this from a "i scratch your back you scratch mine" approach, and people don't like that. You want people to feel indebted to you because you were nice to them. Basically, you're fake and others notice it. You'd rather put yourself out there to be used as someone's hankie than create your own identity. No body likes people like that, at least not adults. You need self reflection and need to gain more confidence.

>>34433304
hmm, okay. i took what masking meant literally, courtesy of being a clinical retard. ty for explaining
>>34433314
i guess i am desperate, yeah. i don't see it as a "i scratch your back you scratch mine" because i don't do that stuff expecting it'll be returned, indebting people by being nice is dumb, i do it because i care about their happiness. rather i wish people would be willing to spare a little bit of care and understanding for me too

>>34431700
I'm available if you'd like to try again

>>34433340
i second this, i wouldn't mind being friends OP

>>34433333
>i don't do that stuff expecting it'll be returned
>rather i wish people would be willing to spare a little bit of care and understanding for me too
Firstly, nice get. That's your highlight of the day.
Secondly, you're contradicting yourself. Just be honest. You feel like you deserve the treatment you give others. Ulterior motives can be picked up on extremely easily. I'm willing to bet this is why people are avoiding you.
The fault is your own. Start with acknowledging that you've got a problem with your personality. You're fake.
Now how to fix it? I'm going to make some assumptions. I'm willing to bet you don't have your shit together. IE, you can barely take care of yourself. Be it bad job, mental issues, etc. You need to fix yourself before you fix others. For example, if you saw some bum on the side of the road try to help you, you'd get pissed or annoyed, right? At least that'd be a thought going to rough your head. Be honest. You'd be like "why is this person trying to help me? Am I worse off than them?" Extreme example but it gives you a foundation to work on.
Basically, likely you're not in any position to help someone else. So don't. You'll just be used, disrespected, and discarded. Fix your shit first. Start with tangible things first like cleaning your dump of a house, getting a better job, taking better care of yourself (dont be fat everyone hates fat people even fat people), shower, hygiene, etc.
You can't be selfless unless you're selfish (ie, how can you help others when you can't even help yourself).
>>34433340
>>34433345
Be weary of people like this. No one wants to just be your friend. This isn't elementary school. Friendships occur naturally and are not forced. These people are pitying you and pity is a form of disrespect.

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>>34433359

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>>34433370
You can lead a horse to water...

>>34433359
Be weary of people like this, they don't have your best interests in mind

>>34433382
That walltext is unhinged, malicious, and self-contradicting.

>>34433396
Take it or leave it. We're adults, not goo goo gaga babies. Truth hurts. Can't handle it? Make another thread about how much of a victim you are farming for validation and sympathy lol
>>34433398
Notice how you didn't mention how it was. Just a blanket statement. Now you'll do mental gymnastics and twist words to make it seem like it was.

>>34431700
>it's my fault, not yours. you don't deserve this. you're so nice
These are obvious excuses when the problem IS with you, but they don't want to hurt you unnecessarily.

>i can be a good girlfriend, i promise. but they always leave
Something is amiss here. Maybe, just maybe, they are looking for something you cannot offer, what that is, I don't know, because your story is very vague.

>>34431800
>What you're doing wrong is you're not doing anything wrong
BS, you're either a simp trying to get some pussy or a foid trying to ruin another women, either way, fuck off.

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>>34433408
It's unhinged because you openly say "I'm going to assume..."

It's malicious because it's a walltext with no actual instructions to help.

It's self contradicting because you are activly accusing any offer of ulterior motive, so how can any offer be "organic" including your walltext.

People like you want others to suffer.

>>34433359
Dude, you're clearly autist and don't know anything about human interaction. You should keep all of this to yourself. You can't draw these many conclusions as you did with the short text OP gave.

>>34433413
>It's malicious because it's a walltext with no actual instructions to help.
Nope. A lot is inferred from what was said in this thread. That said, assumptions are not malicious. Especially if they're right. Cope harder.
>It's self contradicting because you are activly accusing any offer of ulterior motive, so how can any offer be "organic" including your walltext.
?? Wtf. How did you come to that conclusion from what I said?
>Ulterior motives can be picked up on extremely easily. I'm willing to bet this is why people are avoiding you.
What I'm saying here is its obvious that she does this because she wants to be treated well in return. She uses her nice deeds as transactions. People can sense that.
You know what IS malicious is framing what I said like that. That or you're grossly negligent because you have the reading comprehension of a 5 year-old and you are in absolutely no position to give anyone advice lol
My advice is self improvement and suffering is part of that. It fucking sucks to have to acknowledge that you suck and you need to change. It sucks to stick to a diet and clean your house. All of these things are hard, but they reward you. Yes I want her to suffer. Through suffering through her difficulties you get stronger and better and your problems get fixed (in b4 you interpret that as SEE SEE HE WANTS YOU TO BE TORTUTED HES EEEEEEVIL). What I'm saying is true. Deal with it. Or don't. Horse and water and all.
>>34433417
Wrong.
I'm likely more qualified than you are to talk about these kinds of things. Like actual qualifications.

>>34433359
I agree with everything you said but man I can tell your ass has adhd like me or something because you're doing that thing were you go in aggressive to bust ass, knock heads and save the day with brilliant advice, and let's be clear your advice is brilliant. Spot on. But you've done the adhd thing of whacking it out too fast and the advice gets lost because people just focus on the discomfort of what reads as being judged and then bitch slapped verbally.

>>34433359
>Firstly, nice get. That's your highlight of the day.
ty anon
>You feel like you deserve the treatment you give others.
uhh, i think you're misunderstanding me, but i get why because i can't explain myself well. would you want me to try explaining better or no?
>if you saw some bum on the side of the road try to help you, you'd get pissed or annoyed, right? At least that'd be a thought going to rough your head. Be honest. You'd be like "why is this person trying to help me? Am I worse off than them?"
not really, lol. people struggling with their own problems doesn't mean they can't help others, especially because these struggles give you more ability to empathize with other people who need help.
i wouldn't think "this person is pitying me, they think i'm worse off than them." i'd think "this person sees that i need help with something, and they're giving that help out of goodwill." you and i prob have different perspectives on kind acts.

>>34433452
I can't believe you're giving attention to this retard that doesn't know anything about life, lmao

>>34433450
>>34433431
Same poster, quite pathetic.

>>34433467
i disagree with the worldview but i'm open to entertaining conversation with anyone. idrc enough to mald or ignore

>>34433473
>i'm open to entertaining conversation with anyone
I think that’s the main problem here. You keep interacting with people that don’t have your best interest in mind. It’s just as I said before, ig. You get invested in people that wouldn’t do the same for ya, and when they get tired, they just throw you out using some petty excuse.

How can you expect anything to be different if you do the same thing over and over again? That’s also probably why you lack personality. You’re always trying to please everyone. Let me tell you something, those that try to please everyone end up not pleasing anyone. You’re just nice enough so people don’t have anything against you, but when someone thinks about someone relatable, or someone they want around them, you’re the last they’ll think of.

>>34433484
>You keep interacting with people that don’t have your best interest in mind. It’s just as I said before, ig. You get invested in people that wouldn’t do the same for ya, and when they get tired, they just throw you out using some petty excuse.
i don't think that's true for me talking to a random anon, i replied because i like talking and i'm curious what others have to say. you might be right in a broader sense though, i'll think about it. ty for that and your other advice
only problem is i'm worried i may really have done something bad to justify people hating me, i have a hard time attributing fault to others. it's possible i'm being biased toward myself, yk

>>34433503
>i may really have done something bad to justify people hating me
I don't know about that. I still stand with what I said, not everyone will like you and they don't need a reason for it.

>>34433452
Why respond to the troll and not the offers?

>>34433595
All roads lead to the trolls

>>34431700
No man will ever love you fucking ugly bitch.

>>34433595
i respond to everyone outside of when i have nothing to reply with, unless you're mistaking me to be OP but i'm nta

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>>34433450
Yep but if people can't handle it they can just wallow in their pity.
>>34433452
I feel like you need to actually read becuase you really got hung up on some semantic nonsense. Horse to water.
>>34433467
>i can't believe you're giving attention to this retard that doesn't know anything about life, lmao
Notice how she didn't disagree with any of the advice I gave and only got hung up on some semantics and interpretations. I was 100% correct about everything. It's up to OP to make changes.
You must be that anon who has the 5 year-old reading comprehension lol
>same poster
Cope and cope hard lol

>>34433650
>becuase you really got hung up on some semantic nonsense
what semantic nonsense? all of your advice only works within your assumptions based off how you interpreted me and your worldview. both of these are subjective, and that's why i offered to explain myself better.
>It's up to OP to make changes.
>You must be that anon who has the 5 year-old reading comprehension lol
this is the anon you were giving advice to if it wasn't clear, you do know i'm not OP? i said that in my first reply here. why are you complaining about other people's reading comprehension?

>>34433671
>this is the anon you were giving advice to if it wasn't clear, you do know i'm not OP? i said that in my first reply here. why are you complaining about other people's reading comprehension?
I'm talking to multiple people at once because my truth nukes are drawing a lot of attention.
My replies are directed at anyone who responds. This is an issue of 4 people all with the same name and similar typing style responding to my same posts and I'm sifting through the sand. This has nothing to do with reading comprehension lol
Sorry to deny you your epic "no u" moment, sweetie.