Yes I've read all the shit off Google about how to deal with them. But my toddler seems to be rather, exceptionally bad in the department of tantrums and the living circumstances I'm in make it even worse. He's almost three, and had a literal meltdown when something doesn't go right for him, I cut his food wrong, meltdown, we walk out the door, he wants to be picked up, we say no, meltdown, change his clothes, it's like fighting a wild boar, we take him to somewhere fun or for a walk, he demands to be carried or complete meltdown, we've tried standing our ground, and we let a meltdown go on for an hour and he just didn't stop unless he got his way, or he will run away and hide and just scream at the top of his lung. The shitty part is we live in a fucking condo apartment, so luckily we can't be evicted or kicked out since we "own" the space, but we can't even move because the market is fucked. And we can't keep playing the stand our ground because people complain, one time someone came to the door and he lost his shit even more.We can't go anywhere anymore can't leave the house, can't do anything with him anymore because he loses his shit at the drop of a hat and will not stop. And I mean, won't stop, nothing stops him unless he gers exactly what he wants, like not compromise, not distraction, it has to fit in his perfect little mindset he has. Knowing he was going to be an only child, we knew we had to enforce independence, and not spoil him, which we've done, we've never spoiled him, and I've I'm pretty stern with him, we've done nothing but encourage independence, but it was like a light switch, we tried potty training him one weekend and it went to shit because he got sick on day two, and ever since then he's been a complete nightmare. My wife and I don't know what to do at this point. Anyone have or had nightmare toddlers have any advice?
>>34433379>we let a meltdown go on for an hour and he just didn't stop unless he got his wayThat's the problem, at some point, he noticed that as long as he keeps crying and throwing tantrums he will get his ways, no matter if it's 5 minutes or 1 hour, you always concede. You have to stop conceding.He could also have autism, but I wouldn't diagnose him top be fair, many diagnoses are fake and gay, and you'll end up turning your kid into a true autist if you diagnose him without him being autist since autism is subjective and they diagnose based on behavior.
>>34433379yeah toddlers throw a lot of fits. it's pretty universal. you also need to keep in mind this kid wasn't even alive a few years ago, couldn't speak or move on their own, etc. they are "trying out" their emotions for the first time in a way. there is a lot going on in their brains that they don't know how to deal with.
>>34433379>Knowing he was going to be an only childHere it goes another problem. You should never have only one child, either have none at all or have multiple ones. If you have an only child, he will turn out very bad. Humans are not designed to grow up pampered by 2 parents without competing by attention. You're raising a loser... May I know why you took this decision of ruining your child's life?
>>34433425There's a number of factors, housing situation, financial, we both have to work, my wife might die if she has another kid. We were planning on two, but then the covid housing situation fucked up our entire life plan. >>34433420Well that's the thing, he was always pushing the limits but we never gave in, it seemed like everything was going perfectly fine and then like I said, it was like a light switch, it just suddenly changed within a single day or two, and the tantrums went from about a 4 to an absolute 10, when I mean they're bad, it's like he's possessed, he's in complete hysterical mode like he's black out rage. It's crazy.We have thought maybe he has a development issue like ocd or autism, but his day care and doctor don't seem to have anything flagged in that department.
>>34433451Do you punish him for his tantrums? I guess that just not abiding is not good enough, and when I say punishment, I don't mean beating or yelling at the kid, you should put a chair turned into a corner of your house, and whenever he throws a tantrum, pick him from where he is, sit him there. And calmly explain to him the reason why you're putting him there. Even if you think he might not understand, or that he is not listening. Every time he throws a tantrum, do that. At some point, he will learn the pattern. About having only one child, yeah, I understand your situation, it's better not to risk your wife's health and raising 2 kids in poor condition is worst than raising 1 in good conditions, but try letting your children around other children as much as you can. Take him to parks, if he has cousins around his age or if you have friends with kids it's even better.
I recommend going to a kids play place, search one in your area, they’re pretty reasonable priced. I also take my kid to the indoor mall play areas but those can turn into a headacheAlso this advice is good: >>34433457
>>34433457We never had to really punish him, we have always been very stern in saying no and making sure he has to follow our instructions. And he was alright, I do agree tho that we will have to implement some sort of punishment, and we tried that but he just goes bat shit crazy and wriggles all over the floor and runs around knocking things over and running into walls it's insane. We know all the strategies for the single child thing, and it's tough at times because we don't have many friends with kids his age, but he is in full time day care, and we have him in soccer already so he gets social time. It's just his tantrums that are the issue.
>>34433379You need to be stronger and more of a leader. You're a parent first, friend second. Their feelings are not valid and you need to be more forceful in your parenting. If that means raising your voice so be it. Time outs, sure. Removal of toys or whatever, great. I'm not for spanking but its your kid.I'm willing to bet you are too soft. Your boy is just that, a boy. A male. He's trying to assert his dominance and you're letting him dominate you. It's a shitty spot to be in but, again, you're his parent, not his friend.
>potty training went bad from sicknessCould he be in pain(even psychological association, if not physical) what kind of sickness was it? What's he like when not freaking out, how has the toilet been?When she was 4 my little sister got sick, puked, and got a meyers-weiss tear and was scared of utensils for a year...
>>34433725He's like 2.5 years old ... I doubt he is at the stage of trying to assert dominance. I am pretty firm on him, his mother is far more soft and when he really pushes her buttons she doesn't get stern she explodes, which he just doesn't care about. Doesn't phase him. And when I step in to put my foot down, that's when he gets into his like rage. The other day for example we were trying to get him to go to his room for bed routine, but he didn't want to leave the couch, after about ten minutes of my wife trying everything I went and gave him two chances, and then physically removed him and he lost his shit for 45 minutes, all for it to end with him back on the couch to calm down because we didn't want to disturb the neighbors anymore. >>34433732He got some random bug from day care and of course it usually pops up around the weekend.
>>34433379Usually the best way to stop a tantrum is distraction tactics. Just get him thinking about something else.
>>34433822>He's like 2.5 years old ... I doubt he is at the stage of trying to assert dominance.He absolutely is. Not in the sense of "sup brah get off this bench I need to hit a new PR." I say that he's pushing buttons, trying to see what he can get away with. 2 is exactly the age where this behavior starts to happen. Terrible 2s and all. He doesn't want to be told want to do. He wants to be boss. Be the boss of you, his mom, the world (ie why he breaks down when things don't go his way, he wants the world to bend to his will and it frustrates him when it doesn't).>his mother is far more soft and when he really pushes her buttons she doesn't get stern she explodes, which he just doesn't care about. Doesn't phase him. And when I step in to put my foot down, that's when he gets into his like rageHe isn't intimidated by his mom. Loud noises from her won't phase him like you said. I bet she's the nurturer so he would likely respond to HER ignoring him better than her freaking out. Not you, though. You are the dad and there was some famous psychiatrist dude who has this theory about boys and their dads at young ages. Some Freud dude, might have heard about him. Anyway, your boy sees you and when you try to assert your dominance, he counters with his own. It's a battle of will power. Here's the problem...>...all for it to end with him back on the couch to calm down because we didn't want to disturb the neighbors anymore. Kids don't understand shame. At least not like we do. So while you give up because you might piss off the neighbors, he gets what he wants. Unfortunately, you CANNOT let them win these battles. Be it 10 minutes, 45 minutes, 3 hours. You cannot give in and let him win. Every victory to him is "Yes, I am the boss. I get what I want and I get it by freaking out. Take that DAD!"IDK how long you've been capitulating to your kid but unfortunately every win you've given him is now going to make every future battle much harder to win. Good luck.
>>34433379Get something big, he really wants. Keep it in view but out of reach, with the agreement that he can have it if no tantrums for six months and, he has that time to learn to shit and see what he does not have. My kid was always hitting others and that made him stop. The wif read something like “how to potty train your kids in two days” and used m&m’s and that was it for us. Kids are all different. Who really knows.
>>34433863>IDK how long you've been capitulating to your kidNot long, I caught on pretty quick hence why I'm here asking for advice and shared experiences so this doesn't turn into something nasty. >>34433843Yea this worked before, but not anymore. Something has triggered in his brain to rebel at all costs. I used to be able to just walk away and start playing with puzzles or some cars or do the dishes and he'd come join, not anymore.
>>34433863Are you black? This sounds like you're describing black children. I don't think all of this is necessary for humans
>>34433379Did ya test him for autism yet
>>34433822>all for it to end with him back on the couch to calm down because we didn't want to disturb the neighbors anymore.If it works he's going to keep doing it. He can read a book in his room or go to bed those are the options. You made it worse. Quiet hours are usually 10 to 6 have some backbone and write your neighbors an apology if you feel like you have to. Making the behavior stop is going to result in less annoying the neighbors than not fixing it to keep him quiet will in the long run.
>>34433379I hesitate to suggest this because it is a word that is bandied about too casually, but have you considered autism? What looks like tantrums may be the frustration and pain of dealing with a world he is not equipped to handle.
>>34433379I dislike all women. The liberal ones are slutty, the conservative ones want kids. That's even worse.
>>34434407>>34434454We have thought of this. It does seem like he's very "in his head" like he can't seem to get out what he's thinking so he freaks out, although he's only like three, so I'd imagine that's rather normal. But I cannot express enough how bad these freak outs are, I've been around kids my whole life, nieces, nephews and such and seen tantrums but nothing like this. >>34434411Yea the book will end up across the room or in pieces and we can only apologize so much.
>>34434331Blacks are waaaaaay worse. Maybe OP is brown but unlikely given he's involved in his kid's life.But no, I'm not. I'm probably the most qualified person to have ever posted on /adv/ when it comes to a lot of these topics.
>>34434536Have you been to a doctor to have him tested?
>>34434536Have you taken him to a doctor to be tested?
>>34434722He's me very shown any signs, he started waving at like 9 months, and his speech is pretty advanced he was using "my name is..." and "I'm this or that" since he turned like two. I'm beginning to think he's a very clever kid and is using his toddler brain for evil. I have talked to my wife tho, and we agreed to be a little more assertive and stern, it will suck, but that's what I've gathered from all this chit chat, he needs better leadership, and we need to start punishing beyond just taking toys away
>>34433379Spank him and tell him to quit crying or you'll give him something to cry about. You need old fashioned white man discipline. Also look at what you're feeding him and drop anything with onions, unironically. My sisters son used to be a crybaby until she quit feeding him basedmilk all the time and then he started being a normal rough and tumble boy.
Spank him.
>>34433379Do not:- Assume autism - Assume ADHD- Assume any mental disorder- Act as though the 2 year old has any life experience- Act as though the 2 year old knows how you feel/should know how you feel- Try to bargain with, or reason with, the 2 year old- Assume the 2 year old understands logic or fairnessWhy? Because it's a fucking 2-3 year old dude. Do not be one of those parents who slap bullshit disorders on the kid or drug the kid all because you really want a convenient time at parenthood. Parenthood is supposed to be hard, and you're seeing that in action. Your kid doesn't know any better except familiarity and fear. Kids cling to what is familiar to self soothe (in your case, wanting to be carried all the time) and they fear change and they fear unfamiliarity (not being carried all the time).And they don't care if you as parent feel stress or anger or inconvenience, they can't fully comprehend it. Because they are still learning this shit nigga. Discipline is what works. And no, don't shout at the kid. Kid won't know for what are they being shouted for. Don't hit or spank the kid either, these also don't work. (Only do these if the kid is trying to do something life threatening, like sticking a fork in a power socket. Kid needs to fear that to save it's life. Best to spank to make them fear electrocution, rather than electrocution doing the fear part.)What you do is do not talk to the kid, just pick em up, carry them, take them to naughty corner or wherever and keep them there. Do not abandon them, you go with them. Sit there and stay quiet. Do that until they cry and say sorry. Once they say sorry, hug them and then after words reward them once they start showing signs of listening to instructions.
>>34434861>>34433379>ContIf parenthood is getting too hard for you OP, don't panic. That's normal, it's fucking hard as shit. It doesbt make you or your woman bad parents. It makes you great ones because it shows you give a shit. The trick is to call upon family on either side of the neck to help out. Aka call your mom or dad to help take care of kid. Or your woman's folks, then you and your woman go and take a much needed break for an afternoon. Either a nap or a meal outside. Recharge your batteries nigga
>>34434536So he ends up with no usable toys and you buy the neighbors some beer. There's no way around it. If you give in and give him what he wants all you're doing is giving him motivation to have longer and longer freakouts because he's having success with it. If you tell him no it means NO not "scream for an hour and they'll give me what I want" and you're not making that clear to him. You're literally training him to keep doing it.
>>34434861>>34434877>>34434992Do you think carrot on a stick approach works?
>>34433379I'm amazed people don't spank their kids anymore. Worked fine on me as a kid.It only takes a few times as a toddler and they learn. Unless they have some kind of mental disorder.
sounds like youre giving him attention, regardless if it is good or bad, when he is having his tantrums. have you considered just walking away/ignoring
Why does a dog bark at the mailman every day when experience should teach him the mailman will go away? Because experience teaches him that barking makes the mailman go away.Why does the child throw a tantrum? Because experience teaches him the parents will eventually give in just to shut him up.
Lock him in the toilet or other small room that has no items in it, that's his timeout when he throws a tantrum. And remember the ancient Romans didn't consider children to even be human until around 5 years old.
