I'm in the same boat, but inverse. It's been over a year. bf has slowwwwly been getting medical assessment, keeps rescheduling. Overall I think it's mental, started as life anxiety and stress, then compounded with the shame of being unable to perform. We still cuddle at least. I just goon when he's at work.
If she's unwilling to at least compromise on your own satisfaction during her improvement, leave... I'm so miserable as is, I couldn't imagine being nagged for masturbating as well. GL anon:/

Get her off SSRIs and birth control.

>>34434594
I guess my question is: is this a make or break for you?
If it isn't, then sorry but you just need to accept that this is your sex life.
If it is, then you need to have a final talk. Tell her you've voiced your concerns and that you feel like she isn't listening and that nothing has changed. Tell her how important sex is to you and that if she cannot satisfy you then you all need to discuss moving on.
Really it depends on what you need. Sex is extremely important in a relationship and if she cannot satisfy you then you will never be content. This will eventually turn to resentment.
So the ball is in your court.

>>34434600
For sure I think its mental. And yeah I will confront her on it this weekend. Since that seems to be the play. And if afterwards we don't make progress I will break it off.

>>34434604
She isn't on them anymore. Was better when she was on.

>>34434610
I think it is a break for sure, so I will be having a talk. Since like you mentioned, it is already turning to resentment.

>>34434594
The two of you need to talk to a sex therapist. If she refuses to try that, then you can safely conclude things are never going to get better, because she doesn't want to try.

Stuff that you can try yourself:
- Seriously look into reasons why she might be feeling unhappy or tired and actually fix them. Simple things like actually doing your fair share of household chores can make an amazing difference. (See: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/mar/01/i-felt-like-i-was-his-carer-why-straight-women-in-relationships-lose-interest-in-sex ).
- Gently encourage her to masturbate more and get into smut (or porn, if that's more her thing). This is obviously the opposite of what you'd want to do for a man: for a man, jerking off more makes him less horny. But female sexuality has a "use it or lose it" quality: the more sexual they feel and the more orgasms they have, the hornier they get.
- Make her feel beautiful and sexy. (Note that this is completely different from making her feel that you desire her: that doesn't mean she's sexy, it just means you're horny).
- Introduce much more NON-sexual touch and closeness - cuddles, massage and so on. Be absolutely strict about NOT trying to turn it into sex. She needs to get used to touch and non-sexual intimacy being positive things in order to feel comfortable and safe sexually.

>>34434594
Here's the trick:
Do the dishes more as a man
Clean up around home
Give her attention and take her out on a date
Use lots of lubrication and go slow and gentle

You will have fixed the issue. Any advice other than those will delay you.

>>34434594
I genuinely want to understand what makes her want to have sex with you even though you're long term ? Like genuinely I want to understand like really, Explain to me

>>34434594
dump the dead fish and catch a live one. You sex life won't improve. Usually they withhold sex when they have an affair partner or are looking for an out. Don't be some SSRI scramblebrain's tard wrangler
t.divorced

Married oldfag. I won't claim I have it all figured out as I am still working through this myself, but I'll share my experience. I've been with my wife for over 16 years and known her for longer. Our sex drive was never well matched, and things dropped off predictably as we got older. I accepted this and married her anyway because she's amazing and having lots of sex is not a high priority to me, ranking lower than her being a good wife, mother, and person. It's still on the list though, and I am still very horny for her even though we are getting old.

Do not talk to her about this. Nothing makes a woman drier than begging for sex. Do not expect "doing more around the house" to put her in the mood, it won't. Pull your weight, especially on maintenance, updates, and repair, but never imply that she owes you sex. You need her to want to bang you, not feel like she should. DO work on yourself. If you don't work out, start immediately (the list of reasons why you should could be it's own thread) Do put yourself in situations where you are noticed by and interact with attractive women. Don't overtly flirt with them or try hard to make her jealous, but do make sure that she sees other women finding you attractive or high value. Do this while also reminding her through your actions the SHE is the one you want.

Short version: get big and strong, make lots of money, don't beg for sex, let her see other women getting lubed up for you, then make it clear you want her not them.

>>34434820
>>34434600
try couples counseling. go in and state your frustrations and that you want to indulge more with your partner and have your counselor make a specific routine and goals regarding that. trying to talk one on one wont work because they'll just disregard your feelings but if you have an objective third party there to support you who isnt friend/family then they will be more likely to listen. Just remember you are not trying to force them to do anything or push blame on them but expressing that you want more intement time with them, specifically.

>>34436802
I'm a married guy myself too, I won't knock your advice and I really enjoyed your lack of posturing and your humility in your post. One part though:

>Do not expect "doing more around the house" to put her in the mood, it won't.
This one I gotta split hairs with. And it's probably because our wives have different temperaments, but for me this works and I swear by it. And the reason it works is because I stopped doing housework when she asked, I started doing it without her needing to ask me, I just made it a part of my daily habit. This then took the mental load off of her, which opened up a window for her sex drive to flourish. And yeah, a woman having to ask her man to do things is a mental load. Which I will never in a million years understand, no idea why women get stressed to ask for something. Probably had to do with the fact women fucking suck at being direct or negotiating a confrontation. And when both the housework has been handled, and there's no longer a daily routine of her needing to feel a mental load to ask for shit, it sets the stage for sex every single time.

I also think talking with other women would make it worse, because women require feeling attractive before they feel an appetite for sex. If you make them question their own attractiveness, they will be less likely to want sex with you. They will maybe want to have sex to avoid a consequence they fear to placate you, but you will notice it will be a one-time gig, she will fuck you and then after she made herself feel secure, she will quickly give up and it's back to another dry spell. If you want to make a woman consistently want sex, not just once a week but multiple times in a week to the point she's the one nagging you for sex, focus on "setting stage", by taking mental burdens or barriers from her.

>>34437634
>Cont
That being said it's won't be forever, womens sex drive really is like the seasons and will always change depending on a variety of factors that don't even have anything to do with how desirable a guy is or how reliable. This is especially true when kids come along

>>34434594
>It started fine, with sex at least once a week, usually a couple times.
Nigga, even that's too low. I would need once a day or close to that from potential gf.

>>34436802
>Do not expect "doing more around the house" to put her in the mood, it won't.
Yes I agree on this

>Pull your weight, especially on maintenance, updates, and repair, but never imply that she owes you sex. You need her to want to bang you, not feel like she should. DO work on yourself. If you don't work out, start immediately (the list of reasons why you should could be it's own thread)
I dont agree with this because it contradicts the first part. The biggest part of why I agree with the first part is because by doing more than your fair share, or even just doing you expected share, you will get taken for granted and she will associate you too much with "responsibility". This is the main issue with modern relationships, you go from the boyfriend who is associated with "fun" because when you spend time together you are going out to places, having a relaxing night in, having sex etc. The moment you move in together, share house hold responisbilities, have kids you are now just a coworker which is why everyone divorces and becomes a "coparent" these days.

I will give you some credit in that yes you should "work on yourself" but going to the gym is not going to fix that. Having a social life and interesting hobbies that take you out of the house (which are both tied to you) will though. Its a lot of work and you shouldnt have to do it but that is the case.

>>34437712
>The moment you move in together, share house hold responisbilities, have kids you are now just a coworker which is why everyone divorces and becomes a "coparent" these days.

Nta I'm the other marriedanon. I don't see the logic in this part because when kids come along you need to share responsibilities of the home & kids, it's not even optional when newborn comes along. The woman is absolutely flat out spent physically after child labour, hormones plummeting faster than the trade towers on 9/11 and there's a screaming baby that won't stop screaming and pissing itself and gnawing on your woman's tits multiple times every few hours even into the small hours of the night. Night after night too, non-stop for weeks and only mildly lessening in months. If the woman thinks "divorce" because there's no longer fun and hard work is necessary then it means one of two things:
1) She's crazy on hormones. Ignore what comes out of her mouth until she's gotten her senses back
Or
2) You're put a diamond ring on a child in the body of a woman

>>34436802
>Do put yourself in situations where you are noticed by and interact with attractive women. Don't overtly flirt with them or try hard to make her jealous, but do make sure that she sees other women finding you attractive or high value. Do this while also reminding her through your actions the SHE is the one you want.

Also I gotta retract my initial dispute. Unfortunately this actually is true. I forgot about preselection and I blanked out on the fact that I do these things unconsciously as a man. I don't actually like that women operate this way if I'm honest. But it's true now that you mention it, every spike of sex drive in my woman usually occurred after I'd been casually talking with another woman in public (not behind wife's back, just when me and wife had been intermingling with people).

Man, do women really get their sexual jollies out of watching other women interact with her BF/husband? I don't see the logic

>>34437733
>I don't see the logic in this part because when kids come along you need to share responsibilities of the home & kids,
>it's not even optional when newborn comes along.

that's the problem, no matter what both parents have to step up and do their fair share or in many cases one does (which was me).

>You're put a diamond ring on a child in the body of a woman
That is the vast majority of men and women in their thirties now. They go on tiktok and instagram all day and see fake reels of people traveling the world and making big life changes to "spice things up" and look at their daily life and think "why arent/cant I doing that?" then they blame their spouse for holding them back and get divorced.

>>34437748
>that's the problem, no matter what both parents have to step up and do their fair share or in many cases one does (which was me).
You had to solo that shit yourself? How the fuck are you even alive man? I swear to God I was near hallucinating from sleep deprivation when newborn nuke dropped and that was with both wife and I doing fair share.

>That is the vast majority of men and women in their thirties now. They go on tiktok and instagram all day and see fake reels of people traveling the world and making big life changes to "spice things up"
I guess I should count my blessings, thankfully my wife was able to listen to reason when I told her social media is cancer and she dropped her presence on there. Didn't forbid her or nothing, she's just always avoided what I said was shit and trusted my word when I told her what was not-shit. Also helps that she's pretty smart too

>>34434594
If this story isn't clickbait, the fact that you STARTED at once a WEEK and you think that's FINE tells me that you're RETARDED and a WIGGER KEK

Your gf sounds miserable, and less like a gf, and more of an organism that uses you for your time, resources, and the comfort you provide. Women do this. When you accept they will take. When you offer the finger they'll see if you are fine with giving the hand, and then they'll take the whole arm.
You're thoroughly fucked and there's only one answer IN THIS ORDER:
Gym, groom hairs, fashionable clothes, great close up photos, put them on dating apps, chat and get that call and meeting as soon as possible.
Trust me my boy. Trust me. This works. Your confidence will skyrocket.
I'm just a fucking nigger who's been lonely for 2 years almost after my 5 years gf cheated on me. Spent the last year losing 20kg, redownloaded the apps a month ago, not many matches but I took a girls virginity and had a 2 weeks long thing with her and now we're friends, got one more who wants to go on a date. And women I chat to. What this does to my confidence is wonderful. beyond explanation. I literally found my calling. I couldn't care about anything else in this life than to meet good girls and fuck and love and kiss. I am so happy, it's like a cheat.

Don't settle for a disgusting autistic full of anxiety selfish organism who's fine with zero touch wife. That's wasting your life.

>>34437793
Make sure you don't fulfill the stereotype where you have a bunch of baby mommas and several kids strewn across the neighbourhood. Also sorry your GF cheated you man, you deserved better

>>34434594
>On top of this, she "banned" me from using porn
how can she ban you from porn? you live together and she watches you?

>>34434594
so a thing i learned was that women want to be desired, rather than to have sex.
like they want you to have that "i'm really attracted to you and want you but i need to resist" attitude, like you want them really badly but have to seduce them, even if you are still together.
also their biggest fantasy is rape so do with that info what you will.

>>34437974
The saying goes: "Women want to feel wanted, Men need to feel needed." And it's true, women want to feel like they're the prettiest flower in the bouquet, and men need to feel like the most important brick in the wall. But the backwards thing about this wisdom is that it implies a necessity for the woman to get validation from other women, and for the man to get respect from other men. Because truthfully men don't give a fuck about pretty bouquets of flowers and women don't care about the importance of architecture or craftsmanship.

That's why if a woman wants to feel whole she needs a good circle of females friends. And if a guy wants to feel put together he needs a tribe of other men to hunt and work with.

>>34436704
Someone answer me you fucking faggots

Fuck the ops who don't respond, I hope you did of terminal cancer or get toetured

>>34437793
Need a help from a nigga. How can a socially autistic nigga who stutters at times get a gf. Or is it ovarida?