The following is all very fresh and I don't have the slightest idea how I am going to cope with it. We met when I was 17, she is 3 years older. I am 24 now.I don’t even know where to start, but I feel like I need to get this out somewhere.We were together for 6 years and a month. It wasn’t perfect, but it was real. We talked about marriage, future, all of it. She was genuinely the person I saw my life with. But one thing that kept coming back over time was how she handled conflict. Whenever things got tense, she would shut down, pull away, or jump to “maybe we’re not right for each other” instead of working through it with me.About 2 motnths ago, she ended things.(The following was dragging on during those 2 months until today.)She said she didn’t want a relationship, wanted to be alone, figure herself out. I respected that and didn’t chase at first, but she kept reaching out. Calls, messages, saying it was “important,” wanting to talk. I genuinely hoped she might want to try again but would say it directly. She hasn't.When we finally spoke, it was confusing. She was emotional, said she took me for granted, but also talked about another guy. Then she said she didn’t feel the same way physically anymore, which hit me hard. After that, I tried to step back and go no contact.
Her parents also weren't of much help, at first they were against us dating. And after she told them she broke up with me suddenly they kept on telling her not to leave me and so on. (She broke down crying telling me about this during a call.) They told her stuff like "who is going to handle you", "you shouldn't break someone's heart like this, he was good to you, etc... etc....", when she told me all this i told her that it's ok, it's her decision and her life, and she shouldn't care about what others say.She didn’t stop reaching out. Calls, texts, even emails when I didn’t respond. At some point I replied, but I kept it guarded because I didn’t know what she actually wanted. That seemed to hurt her, she said my message felt cold and like she didn’t matter. Turns out she wanted to get back together. But my response was too defensive and it pushed her away.Eventually we started talking again, and things got even messier. She was telling me about this other guy, saying he had feelingsfor her, but also that she didn’t want him. Turns out the whole reason for this break up is her exteded family and friends having opinions about me. How she could do better. How i am not tall. (Im 175cm, I knew i am not very tall but i have never considered myself short) Or how she should date her own people because of cultural differences (We are from different countries).Then she started comparing us, saying we both had good qualities the other didn’t. At one point she literally said she wanted both of us. (It was a half-joke but I wasn't exactly in a mood for jokes for obvious reasons). That’s when I realised I couldn’t be a part of that.
I told her I’m not going to be one of two options. After that she spiralled a bit, saying she doesn’t want anyone, that she’ll just be alone, that she’s confused and doesn’t want to hurt anyone. It went on like this for a while with her being indecisive.We had one last call. It was all over the place emotionally. She kept going back and forth, talking about different options in her life, including other people. At the end, she basically pushed me to hang up. I told her goodbye and ended it. (This was today)Now I’m here trying to process it. Part of me still cares about her a lot. Part of me feels like she just isn’t capable of a stable relationship right now. And part of me keeps thinking maybe I wasn’t enough, even though I know I gave it everything I had. Mybe i didn't, i should have started exercising earlier rather than after she left. I should have done better at the uni and maybe i wouldn't be here still studying because i had to start over.I’ve learned a lot from this, about boundaries, about not trying to fix everything instantly.I don’t know if she’ll ever come back. And honestly, even if she does, I don’t know if it would work unless something really changes.Right now it just feels like I lost something that could have been great, but was never given the chance to actually stabilise.If anyone’s been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing how you made sense of it.There is a lot of details i have omitted. If i were to write it all down it would take a book.
What fucking advice do you want? Did you just want to write a blog? Go to /r9k/, you retard.
What advice are you looking for exactly? Did you just want to write a blog?
