>got tomboy fwb in oct/nov>chilling for a while>caught feelings but didnt do anything because dates were going kinda good imo and we even planned a trip, but still accidentally acting like a shithead and not being very responsive or showing high interest>think she'll ask to date any day now>get sick need surgery in january, cancel trip, she doesnt seem to care much>horrifying weight of surgery that could fail shuts me down, become zombie and play games after work to numb>grandma has stroke 2 days before surgery>we start seeing each other again first week of feb, set back in new grad school semester, spend valentines weekend studying>at her place next weekend, says she got drunk and fucked a dude without a condom, when her iud was expired, but he was tested>show concern, says she doesnt want a relationship and it was reckless but implies its ok because we arent dating>frozen on couch uncomfortable knowing i did this by not taking initiative>leave after a bit>cant sit with it, text 2 weeks later try and reach out very chill>she was open to seeing me but not willing to be exclusive to block the chance of a romantic connection with someone forming>tell her i like spending time and wanna see her again>says she will hear what exclusivity with me looks like
>>34445749>realize i wanted to date her but settle for proposing being fwbs because i dont think she will date me>says no, wants freedom to pursue a ltr with others, she doesnt think she sees me as a compatible person for a ltr>confused, clarify i wanna date too>says sex was great and she will never forget me>she sends unsolicited follow up next day saying "completely unsolicited so feel free to say fuck you, but i hope this helps you in the future", explaining her insecurity and lack of perceived interest during the relationship because i didnt compliment and reassure her more, and so she pulled away, wouldve been exclusive if i asked a few months ago, not sure if she means just fwb or dating territory>clarify that interest was there, but communication and emotional expression were lacking, i was just following the thing i assumed she wanted>said we should meet up to talk over dinner, but if it was a no, theres no need to reply>no reply
>>34445758Bros what do i do, its been a month. The advice ive gotten has been overwhelmingly move on but I'm not able to. My last relationship was very secure, i thought i was past all this. Im athletic, make 6 figs, actually handsome, nice car, so good at sex i made her tear her blanket she was gripping the sheets so hard. Fuck. I know ill only have a tiny chance and thats if i can get over this but the pressure to do so is making me stuck. Theres no way out huh bros? I started going to therapy because of this shit. She didnt really know what i was going through, only surgery, but not really how serious it was. She didnt seem to care, even when i joked i had lost 15lbs due to stress once but maybe im a dick and wanted someone who wasnt committed to act like my gf and be distraught over it? Our political and possibly reiligious values arent aligned, shes liberal im not, but this is CA so what am I to do? ike she gave me a chance when she asked what exclusivity looks like and because i panicked and basically said lets just fuck and keep it easy and she said no. Do I reach out chill via text like i did and try to see if shes interested and slowly go from there, give her a call and without gushing lay it on the line that i think i messed up and want to date seriously and own it, or just move on?
>>34445765Life would be so much easier if you were just willing to accept heartbreak and stop trying to force bad situations to work.
>>34445786Yea I guess I never learned when to quit desu
>>34445749She's a whore and you're retarded. A girl that makes for a good partner doesn't do FWB.
>>34445821All true, but I do fwb too so does it apply to me as well?
>>34445856Yes, you are also a whoreStop doing shit like that and just date like a regular person
>>34445765>The advice ive gotten has been overwhelmingly move onYes, because that's the correct advice. You absolutely *could* have dated this woman and had a full-on, exclusive, romantic relationship with her. But it is too late now: she no longer feels that way about you, and she never will again, because of the way you treated her. And there is nothing you can do about that. NOTHING. You need to move on, learn from your mistakes, find someone else, and don't make the same mistakes the next time round.
>>34445880She was open to seeing me again though, I guess I dont get infitine chances. My bro said she was testing me and i failed, but now its been a bit more time and i can probably try again and just maintain the chillness from my first message just be prepared to be rejected. But I dont want to make her uncomfortable by reaching out either and i guess youre pretty right, its kinda too far fucked up now
>>34445765> Bros what do i doStop being so fucking pathetic.
>>34445929Thats not very specific advice.
>>34445765>caught feelings but didnt do anythingThat right there is huge lieYou tried to be subtle about making her your girlfriend and not only were you clumsy but she saw what you were trying to do.
>>34446712Thats not really much of a difference, it was just passive either way and she wasnt turning down dates and trips. But if she was aware and was open at some point like she seemed to imply she didnt really signal that to me and even later said she didnt even know I was attracted to her in her final text.
>>34446768>if she was aware and was open at some point like she seemed to imply she didn't really signal that to meWell duh. She was abiding by the rules of your arrangement. You were going on dates and trips as ****friends**** who fuck. What you should've done is NOTHING. Stick to the arrangement until she catches feels - something which will happen on her time or not at all. You tried to break the rules of your arrangement and she didn't want that.> she got drunk and fucked a dude without a condomI find it funny that this resulted in feelings of jealousy and not a demand that she get an STD test.She's not going to call you back. You complicated an arrangement that was supposed to be simple. Move on.
>>34446819>What you should've done is NOTHING. Stick to the arrangement until she catches feels - something which will happen on her time or not at all.She wanted to do those things it was part of what we talked about doing, it was the arrangement. The trip was a bit different but I couldnt go. Should i have just defaulted to banging her instead and made her ask for those other things?>I find it funny that this resulted in feelings of jealousy and not a demand that she get an STD testShe said she was gonna get one and I believed her, but I also I literally walked out of her house because I didnt want to fuck her that night in addition to being sad about it, and later said when i reached out testing was gonna be a part of it. I cant include every small detail I might be retarded but im not stupid enough to catch a disease over this shit
>>34446883>Should i have just defaulted to banging her instead and made her ask for those other things?100%. You can't convince an 'independent woman' to do anything. It has to be her idea.>im not stupid enough to catch a disease over this shitGood man.
>>34446898I see. Now that im remembering, it was her idea to hang out with her friends on new years, and she brought up needing to figure out what to do for the holiday weekend in january to which i suggested we do the trip to a place she recently talked about. I dont know if that counts. When we picked up in february again it was only a few meets and all sex, i guess if there even was attraction it died while i was awol and sick. I guess the bottom line is she didnt like me enough. >Good manI had to do something right I guess. Thanks anon
