I’m so lonely. I have no one and too much time, so I’m posting here. Don’t read if you don’t want to I’m just venting. For context, I’m a teenager from Poland, so English isn’t my first language. I’m really sorry for any mistakes. I just talking to be talking and many think might not make sense, im just a stupid child and I have no idea about life so just ignore it please. Basically, I have no social life at this point. I’ve given up on going out or socializing. I feel like there’s no saving me. I believe you can’t lose a game you’re not playing, so I don’t go out or talk to people anymore. I’m nd too, which doesn’t help. I’ve thought about and tried killing myself many times. I’m completely unable to talk to people I don’t know in real life because I’m scared of doing something wrong. I’ve always been on the sidelines, never had a boyfriend. I’m not really a femcel. I had a chance and tried to talk to a guy romantically once, but it ended badly like everything else i do, and I’m still involuntarily a KHHV. At this point, I’ve accepted that there’s no hope for me. Everyone tells me my life is like this because I’m closed off or not ready, and that’s why nothing works out. I’m so done at this point. I’ve come to see romantic love as a trap that just supports the capitalist system. If I ever meet someone, which is unlikely, I sometimes imagine committing suicide together. I’m not particularly good-looking, average at best, and probably off-putting and awkward, so it feels over for me.
op here 2/3I feel stupid saying I don’t have any friends. I technically do. There are a few people I go out with when they ask me, mostly so I don’t rot in my room all day. I know I’m very privileged compared to people who have absolutely no one, but I still feel extremely lonely. I feel like they only keep me around because I’m easy to talk over. I just sit there and listen to them rant. I never interrupt or talk about myself. I never say anything meaningful either, I’m too scared of saying something wrong. They all have their own friends and only hang out with me when no one else is available. I know I’m only a small part of their lives, but they’re practically everything I have. I try to be independent but I care about peoples opinion to much. I know if when my friends had a choice, they’ll always pick someone else over me. I get jealous of other people’s lives so easily, it’s embarrassing, and it shows whenever I open my mouth. It’s ruined every relationship I’ve had, because I end up making things uncomfortable or saying something mean out of anger, i try my hardest to relate to everyone cuz mabey then they would keep me or need me. One part of me hates everone, i think everyone is dumb and selfish, on the other side im a hypocrite cuz I do the same thinks they do. I feel like my situation is bad enough to hurt, but not bad enough for anyone to take seriously or for me to get help at the and of the day im just s teenage girl and im not special in any way. I have so much hate inside me. All I do is leave angry comments on farright posts and argue with chuds online. I dont get the best grades, even tho i try, i hope i can get into collage, cuz then my life wont be so worthless and mabey then ill be happy.
op 3/3I believe in Schopenhauer’s philosophy that life is a meaningless string of suffering driven by a blind will to live. I think having children is selfish, and I wish I was never born. I hope this is the last generation, because I don’t want anyone else to be born into so much suffering as people today. I just really hope the world ends soon.All I want in life now is someone I could go out with so I don’t become completely detached from real life. Someone I can talk to about random, meaningless shit, someone who would listen and help me forget how pointless everything feels. I stopped trying to kill myself or self-harming around last year. Now I just let life go on, but I still don’t know if there’s any future for me. I dont know if I sould jusy kill myself now or try to work it out. I dont want it to sound like i need someone to decide if my life is worth it or not because I dont care if I feel like killing myself ill do it no matter what anyone says I just need someone to tell me if im overreacting and that i should suck it up and stop whining.
>>34445898Lol she's just like me for real.It's true that many people will tell you that you are indeed overreacting and to stop whining because "yeah, that's life, get used to it". Maybe it actually works for some people, sometimes. Maybe some outside influence will change your life and then your feelings about it in a major way, especially since you are still a teenager. I mean, who knows.I wouldn't tell you that though. I used to feel this way and do many of the same things during my teenage years too, and now in early twenties I still do. I've completed a degree and changed jobs, but every new experience and year lived just reinforces the grim outlook on life and human condition. I believe there's only one solution and regret lacking the resolve and bravery to end my life now.You aren't really asking for advice, and I wouldn't be able to give one. Just wanna say that I think you're not crazy at all for feeling how you do, but are actually reasonable.
>>34445898>All I want in life now is someone I could go out with so I don’t become completely detached from real life. Someone I can talk to about random, meaningless shit, someone who would listen and help me forget how pointless everything feels.Create a Discord account and join the /soc/.>i just need someone to tell me if im overreacting and that i should suck it up and stop whiningYes, you're exaggerating, you could be an Indian man who is 1.57 meters tall.
>>34445898First off, you're still a teenager. Your life has barely started, so don't worry that it isn't where you want it to be- no one's is at that age.You can definitely improve your social skills as long as you put in the effort. Just like you have to exercise to build muscle, your conversational skills will improve with practice. The more you talk, the better at socializing you will get. Just start small and slowly work your way up. If you're really uncomfortable talking to strangers start by simply challenging yourself to say "hi" to one random stranger you walk by every day. You don't have to say anything else- just "hi." Even if you mess up somehow (unlikely), it won't matter because that person is a complete stranger who you will never see you again- they will forget seconds after you cross paths. As for friendships, you sound like a good friend to have around! It's okay if you aren't talkative and don't share much about yourself. People love, more than anything else, to have someone to listen to them as they talk about their own lives. I'm sure your friends appreciate you and your company more then you know, even if you're not their closest friend. I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling with these suicidal thoughts. I empathize with you when you talk about finding life meaningless. If you are not religious, then you need to find a long-term goal that you want to work towards. Something that makes sticking around through the pain of life worth it. Since you seem to really want a relationship, that goal could just be as simple as getting a BF. As for depressive thoughts in general, I strongly suggest learning to meditate. I'm not sure what else to say but, really, you are too young to give up this early! I attempted suicide when I was 14. Years later, I am grateful I am alive and still have the chance to try and find happiness in this existence. Hope this helped :)
