I (25M) don't really have any internal motivation or desires. From a young age I always had to do things and manage my emotions and actions for my parents who really barely give a shit about me. At school I was able to be creative and develop a sense of self for a while but when I was 8 years old I had a teacher that would bully me viciously for anything I was interested in or whenever I looked happy. As such I gained a terrible fear of self disclosure and expression, getting extremely uncomfortable when dealing with even basic topics like what movies or music I like.
(forgot to paste everything award)As an adult all the fears are gone, I can talk about things I like it's just that I don't like anything. I can't find any interest in anything and all my motivation and identity comes from outside of me. My entire college and career path was something I did just because my parents wanted me to do it, I don't have any real interest or motivation for it. I'm always a people pleaser when I have to be, outside of that most of the time I'm told I'm just quiet and introspective. Whenever I'm in a relationship I just mold to the other person, mostly mirroring their interests and passions. My last gf broke up with me recently and all the motivation I had to read, work out and watch bullshit arthouse movies is gone, even though I enjoyed those activities in a way I just can't see the point of doing it for myself and not somebody else.Am I fucked or is there a way out of this?
I was the same way with a similar upbringing. I don't have a great answer other than time will heal you, though very slowly most likely. Take care of the usual things like sleeping enough and eating well and exercise and don't drink and all that shit. Above all else, give yourself time to be completely bored for extended periods
>>34451413That is true, thank you. My current living conditions are busy and of course I have a tendency to look at my phone the second I have nothing to do but I have found sitting with my thoughts and being bored to be a little therapeutic, I just need to do it more.
