i caught my gf of 4 years whom I lived with cheating about 3 months ago. she has since moved out as of last month but she still stops by to see our cat and pick up some of her things that are still in my apartment. Anyways, I keep having visions of the life I had planned out for us (kids, marriage, etc.) and I have this feeling of forgiving her and starting over. I think a lot of this stems from me wanting to save her, our whole relationship has been me trying to fix her, so to speak. supporting her when she didnt have a job, helping in so many ways i could write all day about. I hate seeing her so sad. Getting back together with her would certainly make her happy, and I think it would make me happy too. I liked making her happy, and while she broke my heart i dont hate her for it. its hard to hold onto hate in this situation.So, have you ever forgiven someone who cheated on you? were you able to work things out? her dad cheated on her mom when she was young, and while her mom almost left she decided to stay. I remember her telling me she believed, that no matter how many partners you try to have a meaningful relationship with, you'll always have the same problems to deal with, or something to that nature. So is it worth it to work with the one you currently love, or roll the dice and find someone new? also she's lost a ton of weight and looks super good, its not fair lol
>>34455428Yeah dont waste any more of your time. She clearly doesn't respect you.
>>34455447She definitely does respect me its just that shes got BPD and cheated on me out of impulsivity, because i wasnt listening to her to quote her. to be fair i dont really listen to her sob stories about women and their work problems because they suck, and dating a woman means having to listen to their problems and validating their feelings, which im pretty bad at as an autist
>>34455428Yes.
>>34455476No>>34455471Having BPD is not an excuse to cheat. She doesn't care about you, simple as that. .If I fuck her sister and then tell her it's because she didn't listen to me then it should be excused bwcause it was impulsive
>>34455428it is both a bad and a retarded ideaunless you've let the relationship go and you want someone to fuck and watch movies with while you search for someone newhave some self respect
It's a good idea if you have a cuck fetish I guess.
>>34455486it would be nice to have someone to just fuck but that would be like opening a can of worms at this point, if we make an attempt to get back together i am definitely waiting a while to have sex until we set some clear guidelines
Terrible terrible terrible idea. I hope you go thru with it.
>its hard to hold onto hate in this situation.Can't relate at all. If I caught my gf of 4 years cheating on me I would literally cut her head off
>>34455428If she hasn't changed she will likely do something similar againPerhaps you don't care about the cheating I personally have forgiven people for cheating, but it also disqualified them from being partners. But if they were someone I respected more than myself I'd be inclined to give almost unlimited latitude. I just haven't been involved with someone who met that Also the diceroll is not someone new, it's no one In my view, being with the wrong person is better than being alone, you should not close yourself to love>>34455482BPD is effectively DID triggered by feeling under threat causing dissociation into a psychopathic state where the person tries to do (for want of a better word) "bad" on purpose It's just labelled "impulse" because psychiatry is a medical framework that looks at symptoms that are obvious (in the case of psychiatry, an obvious, visible problem for those around the person and the person).
>>34455428*is worse than
>>34455682i am at the point where i have forgiven the act of cheating but still made it clear the relationship was over. but the lingering thoughts of what could be come up and theyre hard to ignore. hard to see her living her life without me, wherever she ends up 20 years from now, and im not in the picture.>In my view, being with the wrong person is better than being alone, you should not close yourself to lovethis seems contradictory to what youve said so far. that would mean taking her back would be ok, even though perhaps she is the wrong person.
>>34455672i know thats just a figure of speech but its not worth it to be that pissed in a situation like this. theres a lot of guys sitting in prison because they let anger take over
>>34455755Its not a figure of speech I would decapitate her and go to prison.
>>34455746Yeah I mistyped. I meant "worse than". Or really I should have typed "being alone is better than being with the wrong person"I'm in a vaguely similar situation, and honestly the (potential) cheating is not even what . It's just that I have to accept that I'm looking at a fundamentally different type of human being, with effectively more than one personality, but typically not enough to be full blown DID. So how do I even have a sense of who that person is? I think the psychiatric/therapist attempt has been to view such people as defined by the features of their lack of definition (lability). I haven't liked the idea of them being involved with anyone else, but if I don't want them, I don't exactly have a stake. I care for their wellbeing, but I also care about my purposeAnd I think that's the actual test of a woman. At least for me. I'm so, in a way, driven, that she'd need to be able to drag me off my purpose by being better
>>34455682I repeat>Having BPD is not an excuse to cheat. She doesn't care about you, simple as that.
>>34455428Bad idea.She betrayed your trust and basically made you live a lie. You thought you were in a happy relationship when in fact it wasn't and she caused it.She doesn't respect you at all.Cut contact and if you havent met anyone else, start dating. You are essentially wasting your time.Even if you did get back together somehow, your ego will never reconcile that betrayal and you will end up resenting her and break up again.
>>34455782Based.
>>34455884I looked for the gigachad on a fly playing can you feel my heart gif/media but couldn't find it
>>34455428been there, done thatit isn't worth it, you will sleep with one eye open
>>34455898
>>34455564that was not the point of my postthe point is that this relationship is either to be trashed or to use as a short term relief and release while you look up for something good.
>>34455790>"being alone is better than being with the wrong person"thats what i thought you meant but i wasnt sure. thats usually the conventional advice and its probably true for most people>>34455812im really torn about dating because i hate where i live and getting involved with someone just to break up with them sounds like a waste of time. most of dating is a waste of time if you really think about it. >>34455959is that a good idea, just to use her and eventually just cut her off? i genuinely dont know. i assume most people are liars when they say they arent fucking their ex anymore when in fact they are, and other "do as i say not as i do" normie conventions
>>34456060You're clearly still in love with her. Cut contact. Stop the stupid visits, send her remaining stuff by mail, give her the pets, whatever you need to get her out of your life. Anon, you gave her everything and she still took a giant shit in your mouth. BPD is NOT and NEVER should be an excuse for cheating. Forget about her, take some time to heal and then search for a sane woman. A normal relationship where you lift each other up is the best thing in the world. You deserve it, don't waste your time/energy with your ex, it's over.
>>34456060I'm not going to say that it's a rule or the most common thing to do, but it's very normal and it happens very often that while you find someone else you two keep fucking because you already know each other and satisfy you sexuallyyou do have to satisfy each other sexually for this to work.
>>34456116a part of me will always love her. she's not in a permanent living situation, so i cant just give her cat back and all her other belongings quite yet but eventually, i hope. this thread has done a good job convincing me not to try things over again at the very least, but part of me will still care about her>>34456169i think if we were breaking up on mutual terms but she clearly still wants me so sex will just send a message that i still want to be with her. it would be cool if sex was just the physical pee pee hole bang bang walla walla ding dang
>>34455471Lmao why even make this thread?You just want someone to tell you "go for it bro she loves you this is a good idea"Okay. Go for it bro. She loves you. This is a good idea.Feel better?
My bf caught me cheating before and basically laid down that if he ever caught me doing it again we'd be fucking over, and graciously "believed" my excuses. He didn't call me names just stoically looked at me like he didn't recognize his woman anymore. It made me realize what I needed to prioritize. My guilt was too high anyways I was hardly enjoying it. I realized I needed a life with him more than variety. If you want to make it work with her than have a convo like that. I don't mean that you have to be paternalistic but have self respect. You are choosing to give her another chance because you as a man decided you want her in your life enough to give her grace, don't let her twist it
>>34457209so are you still together? is everything going well or is there still lingering resentment or tensions?
>>34455428Make a contract with her. Also make sure she pays for everything.
