>Generally has issues with anger; gets frustrated quickly and shouts very frequently, speaks before she thinks and takes it out on others.>Would hit sometimes when acting out as a kid.>Admittedly was a little shit as a kid and did cause some trouble but she would shout, rant, talk about how terrible I was on phone to her friends while I was in the car.>During puberty would tell me (foid) how big my chest was getting and how sexy my body was, make a show of looking at it and grope my ass. When I told her it made me uncomfortable and eventually would cry asking her to stop she'd tell me to grow up and continued. I became (and still am) anorexic and would measure my chest every night to ensure no more growth. I still only wear shirts/jeans and if I wore anything that showed my figure she'd still look and make comments. >As a late teen went out for dinner with family in a dress and she made a comment about my body again. I couldn't hold back my tears and cried again. She gave an apology but when I was hesitant to accept it and wasn't happy with her the next day she started shouting again. She has done this a few times, most notably after making a drunken scene at a wedding where we found out she was cheating on my father. >As a teen would semi-regularly come in my room and berate me for about an hour for having no friends, not trying, being socially inept. When finished she would come in and apologise and offer gifts as an apology. I got a hamster through this. Occasionally still does this.>Possibly the worst moment was during a meal. She gets nasty when drunk and I jokingly said 'shut up' to a remark she made. She then turned and began berating me for about an hour, telling me every thing she didn't like about me and how she wished she got an abortion if she knew this was how I'd turn out. We were at a restaurant and people started looking, my dad left halfway through because he couldn't deal with it. (1/2)
>>34455460>Would often fight with friends and say mean things to them (e.g. calling them fat/ugly) as a kid and if their parent told her about it she would ignore or be very cold to me for days to weeks.>Lost all confidence over a short period for some reason as a 10yo which started my spiral. I still can't remember why but I recall my mum berating and calling me weird for not wanting to go on a school trip because my friends weren't and internally having a crisis about being too weird/annoying and people not wanting me around. >Overslept and didn't get up until 9am one Christmas, she screamed at me about how I ruined it and she was sick of me. Fell asleep again watching movies later that day, went to room and dad came up telling me I was a piece of shit and fucking ruined it. >Made a mocking fake Valentines card for me as a late teen, sniggering as she saw me after I read it. I cried because I was very upset over my lack of social connections but she told me I was too sensitive over a joke. >Told her I had made posts before asking if I was in the right for my reactions to things like the Valentines card as I don't have anybody to confide in IRL. She felt offended and betrayed. My mum herself had a terrible upbringing, she's still my mum, we have gotten closer over the years and I don't want to leave her alone but the way she has treated (and sometimes still does) treats me has really hurt me. I don't think my siblings would say they have been abused (albeit none of them are as pathetic as me), she has done so many wonderful things like organised lovely birthdays for me and spoilt me but these things still weigh on my mind and sometimes I feel I have no empathy for her and I don't know why, maybe it links back to this. Calling myself abused just doesn't feel right and actually very disrespectful when I have otherwise had a very privileged life. Sorry for the blog, hard to condense this. (2/2)
yes
>>34456348Thank you(?)
>>34455460
>>34457282
>>34455462Yes your mom was abusive but if you think there's something worth salvaging relationship wise you can try. However keeping someone at arms length is pretty reasonable in a situation like that.
>>34455460>During puberty would tell me (foid) how big my chest was getting and how sexy my body was, make a show of looking at it and grope my ass. I need more details on this to make a proper analysis
>>34457839To be entirely honest I know it's cruel to say but I don't exactly enjoy spending time with her a lot of the time. Sometimes she's lovely and gentle, sometimes we banter really well and it's a good time all around, but a lot of the time she's hard to get along with. Complaining and shouting about her problems that can easily be fixed, or just really inconsiderate of how I feel. To give an example, she is a hairdresser so she has always cut my hair. I asked if she could cut it but do it how I ask her to. Last time I showed her an image and she didn't really listen because she didn't want my hair like that and I was a bit upset because it wasn't how I asked for and I felt like I wasn't being listened to. She started getting snappy again and almost shouted when I protested saying I just want my hair to be how I want it to. Little interactions like that really leave a sour taste in my mouth and they're not uncommon. But I don't think I have it in me to cut her off. My siblings have moved out, her family have passed, she has few friends after cheating on my father and I'm very much chained to my family until I save enough to move out. After all of the good things she has done for me and just raising me alone, cutting her off would be cruel. Sorry for the wall of text again. >>34457843I know you're getting off on it but I basically covered the gist of it.
>>34455460>we found out she was cheating on my father.What did your father do? Did they divorce it? Your father is a beta cuck son of a bitch that deserved to be cuck. If he had placed you mother on the line you would never had to suffer like this. If I had a wife and she did this to my kids I would end up in jail. Yes, your mother was an absolutely abusive whore towards you, she probably envies you.
>>34455460>would measure my chest every night to ensure no more growthWhy would you do that? Nothing wrong with big chest. I would like to suck on those. Just kidding. You should move out of the house and cut contact with your mother, and try to heal your psyche. Understand that none of this was your fault, you just got handed bad cards in life.>>34455462>My mum herself had a terrible upbringing, she's still my mum, we have gotten closer over the years and I don't...Don't. Don't. Don't. You will never have a life if you stick with her, specially since she didn't change her behavior, seriously. She will sabotage everything you do, specially relationships. Do you want to end up like your mom? That's what's going to happen if you stay by her side.
>>34455462>she has done so many wonderful things like organised lovely birthdays for me and spoiltYou gotta understand that when a narcissist does this, it's never for the other person, it's always for herself, she didn't do these things because she likes you, she did it for herself. As soon as you understand this, you will notice these patterns that even the nice things she did were abusive. If you had refused this parties for example, she would do it anyway.
>>34457900We continued all living as a family for another year as neither my dad nor mum have family to live with and were sorting out houses. When we moved out my mum tried to get my dad to take her back for almost a year, saying she was sorry and she can't live without him. My dad couldn't get over what she did, doesn't miss being around her and is with another woman now. I do wish my dad stood up for me more when I was younger instead of walking away or siding with my mum but he did everything to ensure me and my siblings had a happy life, he didn't deserve anything like this.>>34457910The worst part was my chest was never big, I've never had a bra bigger than an A-cup. I thought I was delusional and because I was so young I didn't really have a frame of reference aside from anime characters as pathetic as that sounds. I loved the anime Love Live growing up which had official bust measurements for the girls and I would compare my chest to the sizes of theirs. Even though I was the same size or smaller than the 'flat' girls my mum would still make out my chest to be huge and it really made me doubt if I was denying reality. >That's what's going to happen if you stay by her side.But I don't want her to be alone. She's already so lonely and my sister hasn't even fully moved out yet. >>34457915I get what you're saying but so many of the things she has done for me are largely selfless. I believe she genuinely wants me to be happy but her anger and lack of filter gets in the way. She wouldn't have done a lot of what she has if she didn't honestly love and want the best for me.
>>34457936Are you sure your mom wasn't just fucking with you/making fun of you with the breast thing?
>>34457976No, she was too consistent with it for it to be a joke. I told her it made me really uncomfortable and asked for her to stop but she said I needed to grow up and stop being sensitive. It got to the point when I told her as a young teen that I wanted to get surgery to remove them and she went livid (unbeknownst to me at the time breast cancer had affected a few family members so I can't blame her for this) yet she still didn't stop despite knowing it made me that uncomfortable and self-loathing.
1/2>>34457936>My dad couldn't get over what she did, doesn't miss being around her and is with another woman now. I do wish my dad stood up for me more when I was younger instead of walking away or siding with my mum but he did everything to ensure me and my siblings had a happy life, he didn't deserve anything like this.I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said these stuff about your father. I got worked up because I had similar experiences.>>34457936>But I don't want her to be alone. She's already so lonely and my sister hasn't even fully moved out yet.>She wouldn't have done a lot of what she has if she didn't honestly love and want the best for me.Seriously?>She repeatedly touched you inappropriately>Made mean comments>Made you cry>Made you develop body dysmorphia>Didn't stop and kept doingWhat you described is not just "a difficult parent." It crosses into emotional abuse, and in some moments, sexual boundary violation, if you keep calling it "love expressed badly," you will keep stepping back into the same fire.You learned very early that her anger could fill a room like a storm. Loud, sudden, unpredictable. One moment you exist, the next you are being torn apart, criticized, exposed, humiliated. Then, just as suddenly, the clouds part and she apologizes, maybe brings a gift, maybe softens her voice.That pattern does something powerful to your mind.It teaches you that pain and relief belong together. That if you endure long enough, something good will follow. So you start to wait for the "good part" instead of rejecting the whole cycle.That is why, even now, part of you still says, "she must love me."Because sometimes, she was kind. Sometimes, she said sorry. Sometimes, she acted like she cared.But look at the full picture, not the highlights.
2/2Someone who repeatedly humiliates you, ignores your boundaries when you are crying, comments on your body in a way that makes you feel exposed and unsafe, tears down your confidence, then resets the scene with apologies… Rinse and repeat. That is not care in a stable, protective sense.That is a cycle that keeps you emotionally tied to her.Now, about the part where you don't want her to be alone. Of course you don't. You're not cruel. But ask yourself this quietly, honestly.Where was that same concern when you were crying and asking her to stop?Where was that care when you were being mocked, or when your body was treated like something she could comment on and touch despite your discomfort?You are extending empathy outward in a way that was never consistently extended to you.If you let guilt guide you here, you will keep reopening the door.And when that door opens, the same pattern walks in. Maybe not immediately. Maybe it starts calm, even pleasant. But the structure has not changed.>>34457976>Are you sure your mom wasn't just fucking with you/making fun of you with the breast thing?Dude, if she was, she would have stopped when OP started crying. Did you even bothered reading? You're sick in the head if you read that and you still think this.
>>34458020Thank you anon. >I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said these stuff about your father. I got worked up because I had similar experiences.It’s okay. I’m sorry you went through something similar.Regarding everything else, it just doesn’t feel right calling myself abused. There were people who were properly beaten, sexually assaulted or psychologically broken and what I went through pales. I don’t think it’s right to compare abuse but I just can’t think what I went through is anywhere near comparable and almost disrespectful to also call myself an abuse victim. But at the same time I know she didn’t treat me right. It feels somewhere in between normal parenting and abuse is that makes sense? Like her touching made me uncomfortable but all she did was grope my ass when she was behind me like walking up the stairs and she did this to my siblings too. I know I’m being contradictory but my mind can’t work around it.
>>34455460Get internal family systems therapy.
