Hello. I'm M, 29, resident doctor in my last year of residency. My wife is also 29, she's in her first year. We have a 1 year old daughter. These are our backgrounds on short, we don't have any debt, we're doing meh on the financial part. Here is the issue. Since our daughter was born, my wife became a control freak in the sense that she won't let her grandparents play with our daughter and only lets our friends to play with her which is stupid and I do not understand. I asked her and her response was something along the line of "they can't take care of a baby if unsupervised" and I was really pissed because both of my parents are doctors, how in the fuck they won't take care of their first niece, of course I felt like shit. My parents always bought us stuff for the baby from furniture to toys to clothing to diapers and they sometimes even send us money as "for our niece" and that's lovely and my wife appreciates it but that's it, she won't call them to thank them or anything. cont.
Fast forward to february and I got diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma stage IIA for which I'm getting chemotherapy. The chemo messes up my mind and my body and I have such a low tolerance for frustration due to it that I just explode. Since my diagnosis her need of control went through the fucking roof. She will vacuum twice a day, mop twice a day in a two story fucking house. She's on maternal leave, here new moms get 2 years of paid ML. I understand that maybe she's pissed and wants to get it under her control somehow but she's always bragging about us not having enough money, that we need money, she is always bringing up money. She comes from a toxic family, her parents got divorced, he mother never speaks sensitive matters with anyone and she does jack shit for our kid yet she prefers her mother over our parents. Don't get me wrong, my MIL as a person is 10/10, she's kind, she's lovely and I saw her cry for the first time at our wedding, I love that woman but...why the one sided thing? Why shouldn't I let my parents visit more often or bring her to them? Not being able to handle her is a lie because they did handle our daughter pretty well for an entire day and night while we were gone. cont.
Fast forward today. I was in the car with my stepdad (my natural dad died when I was 14), me and my stepdad are very close, we play backgammon, drink and talk about everything heart to heart. Today he was driving me home from chemo, it's a 2 hour ride or something like that and I asked him why he doesn't come with my mom when visiting. You know what he answered? I'm gonna tell you. He said that he heard me and my wife's argument when my parents were over when my wife told my mother not to take the kid outside yet my mother loves her niece and took her outside to play. It was sunny, it was fine. She exploded saying that "Go talk to her because she won't listen to me" I told her no because I don't see a problem, she said "The problem is she doesn't give a shit about what I said" and I said that she's overreacting. And my dad heard all of that and he took my mom and went back home. The nail in the coffin came an hour later when my dad told me that at our daughter's baptism party (yes, we do that here), someone asked about our daughter's grandfathers. My wife responded with "She doesn't have grandfathers, her grandfathers are dead" (her father died in a car crash like 5 years before) and said person asked what about anon's stepdad? And I shit you not, she said that "It doesn't count, he can't be her grandfather, he's not family". I'm broken. Mentally I'm a shit place due to chemo and hearing these for the first time really hurt me and the fact that I'm after chemo right now and I have a taste of salty coins and stale milk doesn't help. I'm not sure how to bring this up without ending up in a huge argument. I do care about my wife, I love her but since she had our daughter, she changed A LOT and it's even WORSE now that I have cancer.
OP here. Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter so much that I would die for her. I spend most of my time with her now that I'm sick and I'm the one cooking in the house while my wife does absolutely everything else and then she brags about how much she did. I told her there's no need to do it so frequently but she says "If I won't do it, then who will?" and that's her argument. So fucking bad that she won't even address my point. I didn't say that, I just said that you're doing it far too often and you're burning yourself out. She didn't answer. I wish we'd go back to how we were and she would just stop being so bitchy about everything. She had no mental issues so far, I battled anxiety and depression since my father died. I want her to feel better, we go out, we do stuff, even if I'm not feeling up to it, I want to spend time with her and go on long walks with her and my daughter, like 5km walks and so on. I do force myself and I'm tired of agreeing with her and putting my wife on a pedestal and I'm tired of her moaning about the money. Now it's the time for MYSELF. It's for ME. I need this time to be about ME because I don't feel like myself anymore and my depression got worse, good thing my psych is amazing and he caught it and changed my meds. I'm sorry for posting so much but I feel like I'm at my wit's end and I will eventually end up in a mental hospital if I keep going like this. I just need advice on how to talk to my wife without degenerating the whole thing into a shitfest. I want to communicate with her and I want her to know that I appreciate all the support she offers to me but sometimes I need her to spend time with the baby and I need her to give our daughter more "freedom" as in letting other people interact with her, she doesn't have to be cooped up, she'll end up a shitty introverted brat with zero respect for other people because she won't know what proper human interaction is.
>>34457090just pay for help you rich fucks. pay some babysitter to sit there and do nothing while your parents are there. between 4 doctors you could buy whatever us retards on 4chan could ever want. so fuck off and go harvest some organs or stick your fingers up someone's butt or whatever you do.
>>34457153Yeah, thanks. I did come up with that idea you fuckwit but my wife doesn't agree with me because she doesn't want a stranger in our home.
>>34457170I got another idea, pay me to have an affair with your wife to distract her from the kids while you sneak them off to play with granny and pop
>>34457170You just let your wife do whatever she wants, huh?They're you're kids too, not just hers. Do what needs to be done, not what some hysterical retard says should be done.
>>34457125>I just need advice on how to talk to my wife without degenerating the whole thing into a shitfest. I want to communicate with her and I want her to know that I appreciate all the support she offers to me but sometimes I need her to spend time with the baby and I need her to give our daughter more "freedom" as in letting other people interact with her, she doesn't have to be cooped up, she'll end up a shitty introverted brat with zero respect for other people because she won't know what proper human interaction is.Fact of the matter is you can want all of that and it makes not one jot of difference - if your wife wants the conversation to become a shitfest, a shitfest it will be. And honestly, from the brief pen picture you've given here she doesn't sound like a poster girl for reasonable behaviour at the moment.Accepting that and especially the stuff that's going on with your wider family being excluded at a time when you would probably welcome the additional support, you really need to be having that conversation regardless of how bad it might get, because the only thing that postponing it will do is make it even worse when you do finally have it.And as you've said, you will finally have it because you're going to full-on explode one day. There's no way you can keep on juggling the demands of final year residency, a one year old, a neurotic wife who is also about to start an intensive career pathway AND a cancer diagnosis, nor should you be expected to, especially not by your wife who is supposed to be sharing your burdens not adding to them.I don't usually say 'I hope thing work out anon' when commenting on here because truthfully, I don't usually give much of a shit either way. (It might not make me a wonderful person but at least I'm honest). In your case though I genuinely do, I'd probably have gone off a tower block by now with all the stuff you're balancing and it's a massive credit to you that you've kept it together this long.
