I am a 20 year old woman, just for some context, I have had a bad feeling that something may have happened to me when I was very little, in my early teens I started to think on the weird behaviors I had as a child and grow more concerned. as far back as my memories go, I have always masturbated, literally since my first memories. it just doesn't make sense to me, there is no reason for that to have been so. I've heard that children who are neglected sometimes do that, but I was not, I have a very loving family and I've always been taken care of. as far back into my childhood that I can remember, I have always been far too sexual, I was scared I might be a pervert. I remember having frequent sexual dreams about one family member in particular probably until I was about 11. I always woke up scared and guilty. the dreams were always about my uncle, he was 13 when I was born.
>>34458550I bring this up because I have seen other people who couldn't remember the sexual abuse they went through but would have sexual dreams about the abuser. I just want to clarify and say that I love my uncle and I think he's a good man, but I have to wonder. I assume, if it is true that something happened to me, and if it was my uncle, that I was maybe 3 or 4, since I do not have any memory of any act being committed, so he would've been a teenager *if* my fears are correct. If they are and if they can be confirmed, I would not hold anything against him, I just want clarity. He would've been a teenager, though that would be a massive mistake, I don't think it would make him a monster or anything, as I assume it would've been a one time thing and probably impulsive, not planned
>>34458553I had very sexual thoughts very young too, and at that point I had not been exposed to porn or anything of the sort. also, something that may be worth mentioning is I was an extremely anxious child, to the point where I got frequent stomach aches, and when my mom took me to the doctor, he told her he thought I just worried too much. could be nothing, could be something.I frequently felt weird around my male family members as a child, like a lot of guilt, mainly my uncle. also, throughout my childhood and into my early teens, he always acted like he didn't want to speak to me, I thought maybe he didn't like me, but if my suspicions are correct, maybe it was guilt. He doesn't act that way around me anymore.let me say, this is just a theory, I'm not trying to pin this on my uncle, but it's worth mentioning. I just have such a bad feeling, but I know I'll probably never know. I've thought about asking my mom if I was ever left alone with someone who could've done such a thing, but I'm scared of how she might react. also my uncle is her brother, so I would never mention that part of my suspicions to her. will I live my whole life never knowing? how do I move past this bad feeling when I have no clarity? could something have really happened?is there anyone here who was sexually abused as a child who could give some insight?
>>34458550>>34458553hawtbut fr how do you know? i may have been molested or family abandonment issues. there is so much of my childhood i dont remember and feel very uncomfortable with women that i struggle to get errections during the sex and the one time i did i was blacked out drunk and woke up feeling raped by my gf at the time. tend to prefer thinking i was molested by someone outside of my family than blaming my family for things.not really any good way to bring it up. just something i live with. if you feel guilt that is bad. not sure how to advise as i am kind of a mess.not sure if i will feel whole. find someone that loves you. pain is not your identity or you have the choice to not let it remain so.what is working for me is changing my life. get busy. have goals. work through it.
