Context:>be me, 20m, Septemberish of last year >total virgin, no relationships, and whatever >roommate starts dating a girl, she has a friend who apparently likes me > We try building something but I decide that after 2 weeks, we don’t have anything in common, so we should be friends> She invites me to a party a few days later>we made out>I am blackout drunk after this point>wake up next to her the next morning >okay ig>go to piss, condom on the floor > Eh, weird, ask her if we had sex last night > She denies it, but in a weird joking voice > We do more disgusting things, she questions how I don’t remember x y z> My dumbass essentially means we should be in a relationship with each other> It goes downhill fast, doesn’t even last a month, I broke up since all we did was argue and fuck>lowkey regret it because being alone sucks + I got injured which prevented me from working> She starts dating my other roommate >fall deeper into depression >finally connected the dots, realized that she took advantage of me while blacked out drunk>fall deeper into depression, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism, self-harm, etc>eventually recover, other roommate stopped “dating” her, she’s just a whore>move onto a new girl> She’s pretty sweet, lots of overlap in personality and hobbies, quite nice>decided to wait until we were dating for a few months for us to have sex>night comes, gf wants it to happen, it’s her first time etc etc> She starts to freshen up, and I begin to completely feel sick to my stomach and hide under my blanket to cry> My mind is flooded with the reminder that I was only viewed as a sex toy by someone >gf is super understanding and all but I personally feel like I’ve failed lowkeyBros what do I do? I never knew I could be this destroyed by someone that my brain actually treats a biological function with disgust
