Hello,I am a 28M American. I have been in a long-distance relationship with a girl for around 8 months now. We have meet a couple of times and we both feel that we are ready to start thinking about marriage. We both do not drink, smoke or party, and our attraction is based heavily on two simple people looking for simple partners.The only issue I have in the relationship is that I have come to find out her friend group has a lot of guys. I came to know by peeking over her shoulder to see her phone password and checking her phone when she was away. When I saw the messages between her guy friends they were all cordial and mostly just discussing issues with other friends and talking about how life was going.When I looked at her messages there was one guy who she was talking the most with. It seemed very cordial but there were a lot of messages. I indirectly asked her one time about her friend group and she told me the name of this guy and that was enough for me at the time. But I am thinking back to what I saw on her phone and I have some doubts because that was just one guy.I also want to add, that she uses Instagram frequently, and based on when I checked her phone she does communicate with her guy friends. I am not on any social media.Do you guys think I have to press her a bit harder to get to know her friends? I would feel awkward if when we start living together she is texting and facetiming her guy friends without her introducing them to me first. I should also add, that she is an international student and I am an American citizen. None of her guy friends are in the US.
>>34462335>I would feel awkward if when we start living together she is texting and facetiming her guy friends without her introducing them to me first.Why would that feel awkward? Are you also going to feel awkward if she's texting her sister or her mother and you haven't met them? If not, then this is clearly about jealousy, not awkwardness.
>>34462335It is normal, natural and healthy to have friends of the opposite gender. It is NOT normal, natural and healthy to be threatened by that
>>34462711>>34462764She is very emotionally connected with her guy friends, one person in particular. What if she shares our personal relationship information with him or they both start to become flirtatious?
>>34463241>She is very emotionally connected with her guy friends, one person in particular. What if she shares our personal relationship information with himAnd what if she shares your personal information with her mother, or her sister, or her female best friend? Would that bother you just as much? If not, why not?>or they both start to become flirtatious?Relationships depend on trust. Absolutely anyone can cheat on you at absolutely any time, and there isn't a single fucking thing you can do to prevent it. If the relationship is going to work, you have to *trust* that the other person will *choose* not to cheat. If you can't do that, the relationship is doomed from the very start. It makes no difference if your lack of trust is justified or not: if she cheats, the cheating will destroy the relationship; if she doesn't, your paranoia will destroy it. Either way you're fucked. So you're going to have to make a choice: try trusting her, or break up. There are no other good options.A few other observations:1) Normal people normally have opposite-sex friends. 2) Women very rarely fuck their friends. To a woman, being friends and being lovers are mutually exclusive. If a woman says "Let's be friends" she means "I will never fuck you".3) The fact that she's being completely open about this is probably a good sign. If she had something to hide, she'd be hiding it. 4) If you try to force her to give up her friends, the chances of her cheating on you will definitely increase: if you're worried about a woman cheating on you, don't make her angry and resentful, and don't cut away her entire support network so she ends up talking to sympathetic, attractive strangers about how badly you treat her.
>>34463291I would like my partner and I to resolve issues without bothering other people. But I would feel far more comfortable with her sharing information with her relatives because at least this way she cannot be swayed into developing feelings for another guy who wants to take advantage of the moment by promising to treat her better.I agree that trust is the bedrock for any relationship. But at the same time I feel that she should at least introduce me to her friends. This is because based on what I saw from her phone she does late-night calls with them around 11pm to midnight EST due to time-zone differences. I would feel very awkward if she starts calling guys who are her friends while I am with her if I have no idea who they are. Hope that I am not being unreasonable here
>>34463642>at least this way she cannot be swayed into developing feelings for another guyCan you even hear yourself? "Swayed" into developing feelings? Seriously? You're acting as if she were a young child who doesn't understand her own emotions, and is unable to control her feelings or her actions. She's not: she's an adult. She has agency. She makes her own choices. Imagine the roles are reversed for a moment: you find yourself discussing your relationship issues with an attractive woman, and she makes a move on you. Would you be unable to stop yourself from developing feelings for her and cheating on your wife? Of course not. You're fully aware of that possibility, and the moment you even began to feel attracted to her, you'd back off. (At least I hope you would). Why are you patronisingly assuming that your wife-to-be isn't capable of the same level of emotional awareness and self-control that you are?>But at the same time I feel that she should at least introduce me to her friends. This is because based on what I saw from her phone she does late-night calls with them around 11pm to midnight EST due to time-zone differences. I would feel very awkward if she starts calling guys who are her friends while I am with her if I have no idea who they are. Hope that I am not being unreasonable hereBut you do know who they are. They're her friends, whose names you know. If they happen to live close by, it's perfectly reasonable to want to meet them. But if they don't, it's honestly very weird to want to sit in on her phone calls with her friends. People need some privacy sometimes.
>>34463642>I would like my partner and I to resolve issues without bothering other people.The thing is outsiders can very much help in offering advice, asking astute questions, or sharing their own related experiences. It is also easier to hear criticism on your own attitude or expectations from someone who is not your own partner, it can really open your eyes. I don't think it is a healthy ideal to want to resolve everything privately, especially considering our environment is usually quicker to realize if something is truly off (in terms of an abusive dynamic or even just you losing your shine in the relationship) than you are yourself. They have more distance. As for your question, yeah if at all realistically possible I think it would be best to ask to meet her friends so you can develop a personal, direct feeling for how they interact. You already looked through a bunch of her messages and found nothing offensive, looking again will not do anything to reassure you I think.
>>34462711>>34462764You guys are genuinely insane. This board really is dogshit.
>>34462335>I have come to find out her friend group has a lot of guysInto the trash it goes.
>>34462764>It is normal, natural and healthy to have friends of the opposite genderFoid detected, kys
>>34463816They're not insane, they do it on purpose, OP could come here and say something like "I caught my girlfriend sucking her gay friend's dick, should I be worried?" And they would tell him he is manipulative, controlling and that there's nothing wrong with his girlfriend sucking others' dicks. I think this started after the great influx of redditors here.
>>34463739Anon, NTA, but she's a woman. They are effectively young children who don't understand their own emotions well into old age. Don't be a disingenuous faggot.
>>34463830If women are children then any man who has sex with a woman is a paedophile.
>>34463826this.My only consolation is that OP's story is probably just as fake.
>>34462335>guy friendsbruh. It's over b4 it began, especially when you know for a fact that she didn't loser her virginity to you. >international studentAll women in this day and age are whores regardless of country of origin. It's just that the parents of 3rd world hoes weren't degenerates.
>>34463769>advice from outsideThis entirely depends. There are people out there who will prey on any weak moment in the relationship to get into your pants whether a man or a woman. And it depends on who the advice is coming from. Sometimes it can be ruin a relationship all because the person got into the head of the one seeking advice. Other times the one giving advice doesn't like you and wants to sabotage. Honestly getting advice for your relationship from the outside can be pretty dangerous.
>>34463291>1) Normal people normally have opposite-sex friends.They literally don't, unless of course they're degenerates who're plenty in today's times>2) Women very rarely fuck their friends. lmao even.>3) The fact that she's being completely open about this is probably a good sign. If she had something to hide, she'd be hiding it.all women do it to signal the fact that they've an option or two to switch to. Chances are, she has plenty more thirsting men she had fucked or plans to fuck.Normal women have only female friends. Debauchery is of course the new normal, so yeah, it is obvious to expect "normal" women to have a ton of male friends, and men being sissy gullible cuckolds they've been for the past 60 or so odd years, will gladly play the role of being obedient cuckolds. Their fathers were their cuck gurus ffs as virtually every person under 40 alive today was born to a ran through slut mommy and a spineless cuckoldry loving daddy
>>34462335> I came to know by peeking over her shoulder to see her phone password and checking her phone when she was away.Holy shit ngmi
>>34467316mfw every single youngster alive today is literally a bastard child, bastard in essence atleast that is.
>>34462335>long-distance relationship with a girl for around 8 months now.>marriageLol, yeah nah shouldnt even be thinking about that yet mate
