>>34464283
>my mom tried to offer my body to my "stepfather" for money
Your mom is trash.

>i ran away and kept getting abused even after running away
Sexually abused?

>i get the flu or sick in general every 5 months and need antibiotics/have bacteria and infection...
Eat one clove of garlic, and one tea spoon of raw honey every day, you can cut the garlic in a plate in small cubes, wait for 10 to 15 minutes and eat without chewing as if they were meds. Eat lots of meat and drink a lot of water, take some sun in the morning while watching the dawn, and when it's twilight. This is the secret of being healthy.

>i had dreams, but they are not reachable
Why not?

>wanted to own an animal shelter, give birth or adopt a child, sing or play violing in orchestra, wear a full body cute animal costume (not necessarily furry, no) and perform seeing orphans and terminal illness children in the hospital and give them crochet stuff hand-made by me as a memory.
You can absolutely do this.

>I am useless to society
No you're not.

>no one cares if i am alive
I care, I wouldn't have read till here if I didn't.

Well, don't kill yourself, you've got this. Yeah, you've got dealt a terrible hand, but you can still make the most out of it, don't give up.

>>34464310
1.my mom never once apologized after i left

2.i told her that he was catcalling me and touching my legs and trying to open the bathroom door to see me naked and masturbating from afar while looking at me, i was 14 and he was 41 , she didn't make a big deal of it, said we needed his money to live, when she got the opportunity to move out i begged her but she kept living with him

3.if i get money for honey sure i will have it, garlic i usually have it with bread and some butter or cheese... i can't swallow pills, meat is expensive unless it's chicken or hot dog cheap sausage meat

4.like i said before, i'm useless, i can't have a job, i did no college, i'm not useful to society, i can barely be alone because of how disabled i am, i would never get or deserve such good things with how useless and depressed i am

5.so you are saying that if i never contribute to society and only take like a leech doesn't make me useless? i want to believe you but i know it's a lie

6.show it with your actions if possible, not just words

you can't help me die for sure or get euthanasia? if i jump from a high floor building i might still live but unable to move... not cool

>>34464283
>i hate most mental professionals i talk to, they make me almost get physically violent against them.
Based

>i wanted to own an animal shelter, give birth or adopt a child, sing or play violing in orchestra, wear a full body cute animal costume (not necessarily furry, no) and perform seeing orphans and terminal illness children in the hospital and give them crochet stuff hand-made by me as a memory.
At least your heart's in the right place, which is better than 99% of people. You've got the right intentions, but not the means to fulfill them.

You could probably do the singing/violin whilst wearing the cute costume in the orphanage/child hospital, at some point adopt a child you meet along the way, sell the handmade crotchet stuff, and with the profits you can build an animal shelter. Although it'll be easier to just employ yourself in an existing animal shelter, probably, then do the performance and crotchet thing on the side.

>>34464352
>garlic i usually have it with bread and some butter or cheese
It has to be raw, and be done as I said. You must cut it, and let it receiving air for 10 to 15 minutes. Do as I said. It has to be raw.

>i can't swallow pills
I didn't tell you to swallow pills, I told you to swallow garlic cubes as if they were pills, like, you have to cut the garlic in tiny pieces and swallow it without chewing.

>like i said before, i'm useless, i can't have a job, i did no college, i'm not useful to society, i can barely be alone because of how disabled i am, i would never get or deserve such good things with how useless and depressed i am
You're not useless. Just got handled bad cards as I said. You don't need a degree to be helpful for society, you said you wanted to run an animal shelter, you can always volunteer, it's free anyway. You can also volunteer to visit kids at hospitals, you don't need money or degrees to do that.

>so you are saying that if i never contribute to society and only take like a leech doesn't make me useless? i want to believe you but i know it's a lie
Society was made to protect its weakest members, as a productive member of society I know anyone could end up in the same place as you, it's not a skill issue, it's just bad luck. You can still help people in your own way.

>show it with your actions if possible, not just words
How?

>you can't help me die for sure or get euthanasia?
Definitely not, dying is not worth it, don't kill yourself, you want to end your suffering, and you think that death is a shortcut, but it isn't. Life has a lot of beautiful things, and even though you met terrible people, not everyone is like that, I'm sure of it. You're just in a bad place, you don't want to die, you want things to change.

OP?

Si consigues como suicidarte avísame porfa

>>34464283
I'm really sorry. I was in the same situation this year. No job, autism lvl 1, depressed, without financial assistance, suicidal, mental professionals never said anything that could help me. I'd been looking for a method for months.

I'm better now but I wouldn't mind die.
I found two ways, painfull, but short to die. I know it's desperate when you're begging someone to help you die. I wanted someone told me it you, and I would like told you too. But I won't. Neither you would find this answer here (Literally, if anyone does that, this post will probably be closed).
First, you should try to get a job or volunteer at an animal shelter. If that doesn't work, you could also try to find work caring for the elderly. I know it's awful, but since nobody wants to do it, there's always work available. I don't know to what extent your condition limits you from doing these things. I would like know what do you think about.
I also recommend you look for an association for women with autism. They can help you. There should be one in your country, but if you can't find it, let me know.

Try all of that first. If there are no changes in a few months and I can't think of any more ideas, I promise I'll tell you how to do it. I hope things go well for you soon.

>>34464283
get a gun, you can be trusted with it

OP, you didn't actually do it, right? I just want to check on you, don't actually kill yourself. Don't hear these guys.