i'm unironically an antisocial chud that's full of resentment, spite, bitterness and extreme hate. i'm able to mask it to those who don't know me well, but when people get to know me better i can tell they're uncomfortable around me, like they know i'm holding back negative feelings (which i am).how do i fix myself? what's wrong with me?
OP at least you are actually using antisocial in the correct way, unlike those dumbass teenagers who think antisocial is just being introverted and shy. They think being antisocial is some quirky personality trait, but as proven by your post, it is not something to be proud of.
People judge you and you judge people based on how you judge yourself. So judge yourself less harshly and ease up.Don't make the mistake of thinking your suppressed aggression serves some greater purpose. A competitive mindset is healthy, an adversarial one is not. You have some stressful emotion that you need to find the root cause of.
>>34465246I don't hold it back, once someone is close to me I just show them exactly who I am. The only people who are willing to be around me are usually autists, since they can't tell if I'm serious or joking. I like autists a lot and they remind me of the innocence I wish I still had.
>>34465246If you are describing antisocial in the proper sense (low empathy, hair trigger temper, low conscience for right and wrong, short term goal seeking behaviours etc) then you don't fix yourself, because you can't. Once you're antisocial that's exactly what you will be for the rest of your life. It only starts easing up in your thirties but it's still there. The only way you can deal is develop a moral code for yourself and then transmute your antisocial tendencies through that mental filter so that you can at least try to do some good using hatred or anger as the energy. When I am at my most foul and bitter, my outlet is to brute force myself to go and help someone, anyone.
>>34465246>What's wrong with me?What's wrong with you is what's wrong with the world. That is to say, you are what you are because you presumably saw what other antisocials before you saw, the absolute worst humanity can offer up close and personal. Hell you probably had to grow up around it. Once you witness or experience the lowest and most fucked up shit people are capable of you can't switch that knowledge off. And if you were unlucky enough to be a child around that, it becomes embedded into your personality and it can't be forgotten. Every time you see the most happiest or sweetest demonstration of love or peace other humans are capable of, your mind instantly reminds you: "This is not genuine. The right push or shove can turn them feral." It's like if life were a movie, you got the ending spoiled for you.
>>34465304"Avoidant" is the proper word for what you're describing, and I've had to correct my parents 10+ times when they try to label me as "anti-social". Crazy thing is my middle-age mother's husband actually has ASPD, and has a long history of vandalizing other people properties when in a mood, but they still use "anti-social" the wrong way.
>>34468273How the fuck can he be still vandalizing at his age? I got that out of my system by age 16.
>>34468457He was adopted, admitted his biological mother was drinking while she was pregnant with him (obviously had FAS face) and gave him up bc she wasn't capable of a kid, dropped out of high school at 14, felon in his early 20s for having the ATF raid his apartment bc his equally dumb friends were involved in an amateur stolen gun ring and his place was where they were stashed. Legitimate 75-80 IQ moron whose brain was fried before he made it out the birth canal.
>>34468489Fucking hell that's some bad luck. ASPD without the smarts to back it up is a bad combo, it's always the dumb ones that get caught.
