>>34465698
Get your vitamins and minerals checked
Look up CBT therapy
And if you have a job, focus on that with group hobbies
If you don’t have a job, look for a job or trade school. Anything to get you out of the bed and force you to do something for the day
And when you’re done look for hobbies with other people and over time build bonds

>>34465748
doing things with other people, even online friends, doesn't sound bad depending on what it is
as a sort of driving force
also employed and eating a good diet

But I guess what I need are either rules that fence in behavior
"Do X instead of Y"
"When doing X, do Y alongside it"
Or just some sort of thing that can change how my mind works
Been using social media less and don't feel as scatter brained and such, but the drive isn't there so it isn't exactly a one way issue

>>34465698
I'm the same OP, except my "down state" lasts far longer and has only gotten worse in recent years, I think it's also somewhat seasonal (the cold and shitty weather has lasted so long this winter, still struggling to get out of it). It's also lasted for like 16.5 years, since I was 15. I haven't enjoyed doing anything, it's incredible how I had this love for video games and now I get zero fulfillment out of anything. I've lived without real purpose for most of my life, just an overall empty feeling of waiting to die. It's this feeling of endless mental burnout, of not wanting to start anything, just tiredness.

I started having more "up states" within the past 4 or 5 years though, where I'll get motivated to do one thing (usually brought on by intense frustration and misery) and I'll go through a period of extreme improvement. And depending on where my state in life is after that, I'll maybe continue to improve, but if I'm where I am when I started, then my improvements will feel utterly pointless and I'll fall even further.

I just want to be able to enjoy life again. Instead I'm living hopelessly with no end in sight.

>>34467021
sorry to hear that sounds like you're worse than me
I just feel nothingness like a limbo of sorts, not depression
Seasonal changes definitely affect things too...

>>34467265
It's somewhat different to when I was a teen. I'd just go home after school and sleep, procrastinate on homework, stay up most of the night not even doing anything, go to school tired, falling grades, cycle repeated, and this continued onward. Some of it is a latent anxiety, I've had issues with procrastination since elementary school and I've tried to just do things but my brain looks for any way to get out, but still refuses to do anything fun. I've considered that I have some form of ADD among other potential things, but I've finally booked an appointment tomorrow with my general physician and I'm going to do whatever I can to get out of this miserable existence. I've tried SSRIs before but they just made me fat and complacent with my problems.

Most of the time, it's like yours where it's this passing of time and it is what it is. Not really excited about anything but moving through life. But the past couple years, I've had depressive episodes, and it's manifesting as intense rage attacks that I hide from everyone as well as weekends spent in bed sleeping. What gets me especially angry is that I know my environment is a major contribution to my mood, I lived abroad for a couple years away from everyone I know where I at least had a sense of purpose and agency and structure, but I've since come back and it was amazing just how immediate it went back to feeling like I wasn't alive. But the people here who so confidently state that I was wrong in feeling how I felt abroad and that I actually love it here more than anything because it's where I was born and I actually in fact like all the things I hate about this place and so on and so forth piss me right the fuck off. People who feel a oneness with their environment and contentment with their life that I haven't in over half my life have no goddamn right to tell me to learn to eat shit and enjoy it like they do.

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>34467021
>I haven't enjoyed doing anything, it's incredible how I had this love for video games and now I get zero fulfillment out of anything. I've lived without real purpose for most of my life, just an overall empty feeling of waiting to die. It's this feeling of endless mental burnout, of not wanting to start anything, just tiredness.
Very relatable, I feel extreme apathy towards life in general and the down states are becoming the default

>>34467494
>I lived abroad for a couple years away from everyone I know where I at least had a sense of purpose and agency and structure, but I've since come back and it was amazing just how immediate it went back to feeling like I wasn't alive.
I envy you, my opportunity to do that blew up. Is there any reason you won't go back there considering how much happier you were there?

>>34468640
It was Japan and I had a student visa, which lasts up to 2 years depending on when you start. I ran out of money because I was focusing on school, but I lacked a degree and couldn't get a work visa as a result (interviews would go well though). After I hit 31, I lost the chance to get a working holiday visa. Realistically, the only option I have is to get a bachelor's degree over 4 years of schooling. I'm working now at a company with great growth potential, and I'll probably be making more money here than in Japan. It's a fairly laid back job too. But I'm also utterly miserable. I'll never be able to afford a house, or to have kids. I'm living at home. The idea of pursuing a relationship here is repulsive to me because it's like tying myself down to a life I hate, with someone I would never be outside of desperation.

But if I want a bachelor's degree within 4 years, I'll need to dedicate every free moment that isn't work or sleep or eating to doing schoolwork online. I have no options for anything I want to do in town. I don't have the level of willpower necessary to keep that up, so I need to get put on SOMETHING. And then I'll quit my job and start all over from the beginning on the other side of the planet around age 36-37 because it's better than spending the next 20 years here and killing myself.

There's nothing here I like doing, I don't have any desire to talk to anyone. Ever since I came back, it's felt like I'm in this hazy limbo and that absolutely nothing in my life prior to moving mattered. I can't believe how different the mindset was in Japan, like people just seemed to have this hope or desire to become something or live. Here it's like people sit and drink and smoke and just find ways to pass the time. And they're comfortable with it because that's all they've ever known, and they can't believe I'd want something else. Don't ask the frog in the well of the ocean.

>>34468839
Reading this sounds like I could have written it. I'm basically the same. It seems to be some sort of ADHD. I tried ADHD meds and they made me want to do stuff, but recently it seems they haven't been working.

I envy you that you've been to Japan, I've always wanted to go, but can't get myself to do it for some reason. I also need a degree to work there, but then I would need to spend 4 years to do it, and can't bring myself to.

Recently what I'm doing is just powering through things even though I don't want to. It definitely doesn't feel good, but I know the alternative of just spacing out is even worse.

I've sort of accepted that this might just be how my brain is wired and I'm not going to feel good most of the time. So I need to find a way to attack life despite how I feel.

>>34468931
I wasn't going to go until I hit my first point of desperation in my mid/late 20s. I lost all the weight I gained from SSRIs and became the fittest I had ever been, started studying kanji in preparation, applied to a school, and built up some savings to use. I had always told myself that I would never be able to do it, that I wasn't good enough or that I couldn't accomplish anything and I wasn't that type of person, but the sheer desperation I felt when I realized how much of my life was wasting away and I was giving up whatever dreams I had as I ran out of time pushed me to act accordingly. My family was upset by my decision, my dad tried to convince me for a year that going was stupid and dangerous and a bad idea (also tried to sabotage my diet at every opportunity because I wanted to go fit).

Don't give up on your dreams or you will hate yourself for the rest of your life. Don't ever listen to people who think they know what's better for you. You're an adult, you can make your own decisions and your own mistakes. And your successes will also be because of YOU. This is YOUR LIFE. What you need right now is for the frustration and resentment and negativity of your life to overwhelm you. You need to believe that you deserve a chance to try and make your dreams a reality, and you need to hate watching that chance slip away from you. And you need to take the steps needed to fix the parts of your life that need fixing even if your brain requires medication, pride be damned. Nothing will get better until you're in a place that allows you to be better, that gives you something to look forward to. And it's fucking scary when you're at the airport and you turn back and see those people you're leaving behind, it's scary to think you might like living away for an extended period of time and realize that your life was nothing of value until now. But it's also something you have to experience. Find SOME uni program to enroll in while you can. It's not too late.

>>34469012
Now that you've described your family, I'm willing to bet we both probably have complex trauma in the mix.

Trauma rewires your brain and basically puts you in constant survival mode. Your only motivation is survival, so we don't end up feeling like anything we want to do is worth doing.

Yeah you're right, I haven't given up on that dream. I just need to build better habits, and overcome the mental blockages I'm having. It's been a process, but it's getting better everyday. We're alive now, we might as well make the most of it.

File: anchan 3.jpg (130 KB, 1081x1080)

130 KB JPG

Surely there's a 3rd party here who could try and resolve OP and other anon's issues

>>34469040
Your environment, family and actual physical, plays a role in confining you and your expectations. My town and college had nothing for what I wanted to do. Even in high school as I began to burn out, I simply had no idea what I was even studying for in the first place. I had no goals. And I didn't believe I could go elsewhere. I didn't have the money, my family certainly didn't. So the only options I saw were what my trades-oriented college specialized in: welding or accounting. I had no interest in either, the actual year I spent there was also a pretty awful year for a few reasons. I couldn't even find entry level work for a long time during or after high school, but in Japan, it was being offered constantly.

First things first, and that's to fix our brains. We need to be able to work and not procrastinate and feel like we're getting SOMETHING. We're depleted in terms of energy, we get nothing out of doing anything. I've heard cognitive behavioral therapy is a good option, and I'm willing to try it. Last time I tried talking to a counselor in college about it, and he seemed out of his league, like he didn't know how to respond to someone who had spent years thinking about all this. But I hope that it's better now in my town, that something can be done to rewire how people like us think. I want to actually play games I look forward to.

But that's not a fix until you have a goal you can work at, some sort of structure you can adhere to. I won't have the money for school right away, but I sure as hell can look into online programs and torrent all the textbooks needed for the courses and review them on my own time until I do. That way when I have to start grinding, I have the potential to get ahead, and that momentum can keep me going.

>>34469048
God I hope so anon.

Another really stupid aspect is whenever I actually find energy to do things I will basically do the exact opposite of my plans
Like self sabotage
And I don’t mean get a little distracted or procrastinate I mean literally just do the opposite of what I have planned and do nothing
Like a constant feeling of “just a little longer and then it’ll be time”

>>34469119
I'm learning more and more that the biggest problem I have is basing what I do on how I FEEL.
We have this idea that if we're not feeling like doing something, then we shouldn't do it. I've spent so much time trying to get motivation to do things I want to do.
I've been training myself to ignore my feelings and do things regardless

You gotta find your thing homey, and whatever that is, get yourself to do it no matter how you feel. Even if you still feel like crap after, at least you did the thing. Better to feel like crap with a win than feel like crap and be at a loss.

So fucking weird I get into the office today
Sit down Monday morning and instantly work
I’m ahead and staying ahead, not a stress in the world
Not just ahead but doing miscellaneous shit like making new spreadsheets and other processes to make future job easier

Then I’ll go home and do nothing
I don’t get it, in my school years it would be the opposite, game for 7 hours and cram homework
Maybe I just gotta force myself to do shit and completely ban social media and masturbating or some shit idk
I need like a rule or goal to follow

>>34465698
classic bipolar

>>34471095
I’ve heard people say this to me before
Specially Bipolar II
But it just doesn’t seem right I feel like it’s a focus / habit thing but idk
I’m probably gonna jerk off all night

>>34470428
This is a factor too. But even when it comes to enjoying things, it's not like I can't, but it's different now than when I was younger. I would play games growing up from childhood into teens, and it just felt so normal to want to bring my Game Boy with a game somewhere, or try out a game as soon as I bring it home. I'd want to play in the morning before school even if I wasn't allowed, it was something I looked forward to without there even being any sort of mental debate. But I think I also started to develop minor OCD habits as a teenager for when I played, and it sucked away some of the fun. When everything feels like a chore to play because you feel the need to complete everything as it comes out of fear of missing something, it stops being as fun. Even now, if I try to play something, it has to be in Japanese and I have to turn it into a learning experience and talk to every NPC and it slows down the whole experience.

Sometimes I think it was just growing up and maturing that I stopped feeling joy doing anything, but my way of dealing with stress via avoidance (ie. procrastination) became all encompassing. Even something like doing dishes is something I procrastinate on, but when I was living abroad, it wasn't a problem because the fact my family wasn't there and not worrying about cleaning up their mess along with mine made it so much more approachable. Also living in a sharehouse with others made the stress of not doing them and inconveniencing everyone greatly outweigh the stress of doing them so that doing them seemed naturally preferable to avoiding a negative outcome. I was even better with homework during my time abroad. Not perfect, but I could get most of it done even if I stayed up to do it after procrastinating after class, because I had this sense of "I brought myself here, I'm doing something that matters"

You know it kinda just feels like I either habitual do something or habitual do nothing
Now that I’m productive at work and not at home instead of neither at both I can kinda feel this
I think I just get into habits of doing nothing
That’s all there is to it maybe but it’s so much easier and I don’t have a single thought in my brain geared towards doing something when not at work

>>34472933
>>34472933
Lol holy shit dude, this is me to a T. The OCD habits I have definitely make even fun things not fun anymore, so I avoid doing things that should be fun.

>Even now, if I try to play something, it has to be in Japanese and I have to turn it into a learning experience and talk to every NPC and it slows down the whole experience.

Dawg, I do this too, and I thought I was the only one no cap. Cuz I never met another person who does this. And you justify playing games by saying you're at least learning japanese, but then you make something you would use to mentally shut off into something mentally draining.

Sometimes I think it was just growing up and maturing that I stopped feeling joy doing anything, but my way of dealing with stress via avoidance (ie. procrastination) became all encompassing. Even something like doing dishes is something I procrastinate on, but when I was living abroad, it wasn't a problem because the fact my family wasn't there and not worrying about cleaning up their mess along with mine made it so much more approachable.
You also did your family's dishes too, because they wouldn't do it themselves and would complain if it wasn't done?

I feel like growing up, we always got told we were fucking up everything we do. So we avoid doing things that require effort to avoid that feeling of fucking up. But then we grow up and we realize certain shit has to get done, so we whip ourselves into getting tasks done. Problem is, everything, even mundane things end up being hella stressful, and the human nervous system can only handle so much stress.

In short, we're capable, but our brains have learned to avoid things as a trauma response.

Ngl, it's cathartic hearing your story, because I relate to so many of your experiences, it's like getting to see my own life in 3rd person.

>>34473566
Funnily enough I, OP, am also learning Japanese
Playing games and reading manga wouldn’t really be much of a struggle though lol