>Be me>25 Male>Directionless loser with no social life>Extremely BPD>KHV (you know the drill)>No license, no vehicle>Still living at home>I'm a piece of shit (whatever)>My only joy in life is art>I just wanna draw comics and cartoons (maybe write too)>I still need money right now>Get a wagie job>I hate working and I'm very emotional so it's hard for me>I take everything personally>Quit pretty much every job after 6 months>Find cool fast food job>It's really chill, within walking distance, super easy>I barely try and they say I'm their best worker (sad)>Get promoted quickly, making more money than ever>Except I fell in love with my female coworker>She's 37, has 4 kids, post-wall>I literally do not care at all>She's nicer than any woman has ever been to me>We have a tight working relationship and she said she considers me a friend>Even her daughters know me and like me>I've become obsessed with her>I come in on my days off just to stalk her>Constantly bringing her flowers, food, gifts, etc...>I try to ask her out but she shuts me down>Seems like she just wants to be friends>But I'm BPD remember>So I'm very needy and emotionally draining>Get upset when she's ignoring me at work>Get jealous when she's working next to other dudes>Get angry when she shows other people attention or affection>I realize I've conflated my job with my personal life>Realize working harder won't make her like me more>Thinking about quitting this job>I'm fucked financially if I do and I think it would break my heartI don't know what to do. Last time I worked I almost crashed out just because she was standing next to someone else. I should probably quit. I want to tell her I love her and I can't stand being around her anymore.. but I'm afraid that would be distressing for her and selfish of me.
>>34467879>has 4 kidsBesides being boderline, you have terrible taste.
>>34467879You are a dumb niggerYou are the blackest retard gorilla nigger I have ever seen. >12 year age gap>4 kids>Fast food jobYou are dodging like 200 bullets like neo in the matrix and you're sad about it. You utter fucking retard.Maybe just stop being such a faggot. Maybe get a driver's license.
>>34469394>>34469553>"Wanting to fuck hot older moms is bad actually"Wow since when>12 year age gapIs based. I wouldn't care if there was a 24 year age gap.>4 kidsThe only problem I can see is that her teenage sons would probably hate me.>Maybe get a driver's licenseFair.
>>34467879Yeah you probably are gonna need to quit the job. You might not know it, but the work place will start to see you as a potential danger and they may get authorities involved soon.
>>34467879Also you need to realize what BPD mean. You receive emotional meaning from things at a disproportionate level. If emotional reality were a TV, your volume isn't just at 100 volume it's at 200 volume. That's why if someone smiles at you, says "good morning! :D" and waves at you, that's now your new best friend or lover within seconds apparently. Or if someone disagreed with you and says "Not right now dude, I'm busy" that's your enemy from the depths of Hell. You already know this. You said you are very emotional and take things personally. But you need to remember it's not simply you take it personally, it's more than personality or identity, it's about your body and how it interacts with your brain. You are literally living life at 200 emotional volume. You know this right? Everyone else is within normal emotional sensitivity, and you are cranked up to 200.Which means you feel alone or cast out or like someone who isn't allowed to be happy with someone and that's why you have desperation and loneliness and you are extremely demanding to fix it because not only does happiness or infatuation hit you at 200 volume, so does loneliness. So does every negative emotion. So yes life is very hard for you, very very hard. That's why it's important to stick to psychotherapy so you can get the BPD treated. So that you can finally breathe again and get to have a functional life with the happy part, with a wife and kids and being able to enjoy life in a relaxed and peaceful way.
>>34467879hate to say it anon, but if she's really shutting you down this directly you gotta let it go. There's nothing charming or romantic about getting jealous or showing up to stalk her. You're probably creeping her out with that stuff and if she ever has considered dating you that's the type of stuff she'd see as red flags. I know it's harsh but she's 37 with 4 kids, she's more mature and experienced than you and you're reflecting that by being obsessive.I was obsessed with a girl I worked with once too and really thought I'd have to quit because of it, but I did just force myself to move on and eventually it was fine. Of course I still was crushing on her but I just accepted it and learned how to deal with it. Another thing too is that dating coworkers can very easily end up in a messy situation. To be incredibly optimistic about it, there is a chance she's interested but doesn't want to fuck around with a potentially messy work situation.IMO keep the job, learn how to work alongside her without getting yourself upset, be nice and normal to her, and then eventually when one of you leaves the job for whatever reason, give it one more shot. If that doesn't work then it's over. You can't force someone to love you.Sorry you're going through it though, heartbreak is so tough. I've dealt with it enough times that I've found a positive in being able to channel my emotional energy towards art. I'm a damn walking poet when I'm heartbroken. I bet you'll make some fire comix because of it
>>34470605I've never had my life summed up this accurately before, but yes this is exactly how I feel.>PsychotherapyYeah I don't know what the fuck you mean by this but it's probably something I can't afford. Any therapy session I've ever had consisted of a blue-haired foid or low T old man who were barely interested in me and whose forms of treatment included "journaling" or some other equally useless activity meant to make normies feel better about themselves.
>>34470627Psychotherapy is the real deal, the big boy therapy. The one where women can't even compete, it's mostly comprised of wise old men. In the meantime time you could just use AI as a simple crutch for it while you wait for the real deal. Anyway BPD ain't the end of the world. It has a 93-99% success rate of recovery belief either or not. But it is the most severely painful disorder a human can have. Its spiritually the equivalent of having a barbed arrow stuck in your chest. Painful as fuck, every movement you make makes it burn and sting. And pulling it out is going to be extreme pain, but once it's out, it's out. You are free after that.Good luck to you mate and I respect your struggle.>T. Former antisocial
>>34470619Thanks for the thoughtful response, anon. You're definitely right, I'm a walking red flag and I know that. That's why I honestly did try to just let it go, especially after I failed to ask her out the first time. But it's so hard for me to let things go.. sometimes I think for sure she's coming onto me, or trying to signal something to me. I'm probably just crazy, she's just being nice. Even when she stands really close to me and her arms rub up against mine, she does that to everyone. My mind just wants it to mean something..I wish I could just get over it, I really do need this job... But well she's the only reason I've even stuck with this job so long. I fucking hate work. And I'm starting to feel paranoid, that she's afraid or disgusted by me. That everyone else knows I'm a creep. That something horrible is gonna happen. I don't know, it's so unfair..
you want to be her savior but you can't save yourself, tale as old as time
I know it's hard to judge based on short snippets of text, but I really don't think she's into me lol.. she's always saying "you're sweet, that's sweet of you".
>>34467879you could just be happy with what you have with her and not ruin it anymore typically that's what woman do and she'll probably like you more if you behave you'll at least have a better that situation who knows she might even hook you up with a better fit of a girl down line im a bit proud you had the balls to go for it with her. Just tell her you're done being lame and you're over trying to go out with her you'll just enjoy working
>>34467879dude you are 25 shes 37 she probably thinks you are a weirdo for even tryingand not in a bad way more like its really goofy and makes no sense
>>34473938I'd love to just "be happy" with anything, and honestly I've been trying really hard. But the fact is I'm fucking miserable. My irregular emotions are sending me into psychosis and fits of jealous incel rage. The sheer resentment I feel is honestly fucking absurd. I think I need to separate myself from the situation before I do something stupid
>>34467879Look up CBT TherapyGet your vitamins and minerals checkedCome to the realisation that the Social Cotract implies we all contain ourselves to prevent any outlashes due to unique personalitiesMake friends outside workGet a license and try to work upIf possible get into trade schoolKeep in touch with people, make the effort to meet with then but not at the expense where they don't reciprocateRemember that even though you have BPD, people still have the right to react to the way you react regardless of your conditionStop self wallowing
