Has anyone here actually successfully worked through their fear of approaching women? I have had a long term relationship before, only one, and now that it is over I realize I really have not made that much progress. I think it is probably largely a momentum thing and I dont have a lot of it right now, but its a very frustrating issue to have.
>>34468373>Has anyone here actually successfully worked through their fear of approaching women?Is it really a fear or do you just have no real reason to approach some random person you're not all that into anyway? Conservation volunteering is where I met my wife. Meet the same people constantly and build rapport with them is a much better solution than cold approaching any random person you find mildly attractive.
I should tell you this as an attractive woman who has been approached by men and I have friends who have been approached by men too, we never make fun of guys unless you are an asshole, if you're cute and approach women who are in your league then why on earth would they be rude to you? To make you realise what I'm saying is true, take a look at female made shows about dating and stuff, SATC, fleabag etc etc, while have numerous scenes of men approaching these women but no scene about women making fun of them or gossiping about them later, this is something that doesn't happen, it's a male made fantasy
>>34468517I know plenty of girls who chat shit about people they are seeing. I imagine they probably chat shit about people that cold approach then if the dude is chopped
>>34468538Nta but keep being afraid about the 1% chance of being made fun of by some bitch girlGirls have a chance of being sexually assaulted and raped everytime they go out to a club or on a date with a guy, but do they stop living their life and doing that? No
>>34468517The problem is that I dont know what my league is. I am very gifted with a good face card, but I am also short. So its hard to gauge where Im at
>>34468517But thank you this makes sense. I dont even really care so much about results, I just want to overcome the fear I have
>>34468425>Is it really a fear or do you just have no real reason to approach some random person you're not all that into anyway?This is a good point. But I even would have a problem at a bar for example. It is very alien for me to put myself out there. Even talking to another man, I generally avoid it.
Yes. Ultimately, it came down to a level of confidence I actually had to feel because I knew I couldn't just fake it.I ended up going on Ozempic and lost 50 pounds, bought some nice clothes, and got active in my community to keep my mind busy. I even workshopped some openers that actually felt like me.Everyone's process looks different, but I’ve found that having that real confidence helps in being genuine. Even if she’s not interested, it doesn't rattle me anymore. I'm comfortable enough to just stay in the conversation and keep things moving.
Be confident and have nothing to fear, I've been deemed about an 8/10, 28y/o male currently in a relationship living with my gf of 2 years.I've been rejected when I've shot my shot and you just move on respectfully. Who the fuck cares or even remembers except you.I used to have a fear of approaching women and honestly it's 500x easier if you start as friends with no expectations, see where it goes and don't force or fake chemistry because you'll be unfulfilled.If you take this light approach be interested and invested but also don't appear desperate or as an orbiter. Obviously there isn't a one size fits all approach but my current gf mentioned how much she liked the early dating stages getting to know each other because I was very interested but also a mystery because I wasn't a sure thing. I'm yapping but my point is it's nice to be wanted and pursued but never overdo it and allow yourself to be pursued sometimes, it isn't a one way street. You have literally nothing to lose and everything to gain, you literally only fail if you don't try
>>34468626Tell me your height and show me your face if you can, I'll tell you
>>34468373It's a complex symptom that is very hard to solve to be honest. Regular therapy won't cut it.You know what I haven't tried? Going to a stripclub/hostess bar. Why? Because I have been taught to fear those places and because I overblow how bothersome can herpes be, although that is very real.Other problems associated with this:>If you have anhedonia or general dissatisfaction with life, you may feel self-conscious when trying an activity that requires committment: e.g. Hobby clubs>If you enroll in something that requires discipline, perfectionism may distract the reason you're there for, which is meeting women, e.g. Back to college>If you go to public recreation spots, women are almost always with a boyfriend, very rarely in groups of female friends. You need a high amount of performance to be accepted by a group of strangers>If you're in a third space like a laundromat, park etc, you are limited by luck to the kind of people that lives in the area. Same with jobs as they don't usually shift personel.>If you're in the street, you need a high level of performance to make a stranger trust you, and intelligence to engineer a situation to see that person regularlyI guess the answer is go to acting school or something. The therapist sure as fuck isn't trained or interested in every step of human communication.
>>34468884I am 5'6. Im not gonna post my face but im confident it is much above average. Few years ago on soc they told me 9
>>34468923>answer is go to acting school or somethingI have actually been considering this lately funny you say that
>>34468373the reason you're scared to approach them is because you already know they don't want you. start small and don't have any expectations.https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FgxacX72snA&pp=0gcJCdQKAYcqIYzv
>>34468976Yeah I'd fuck the shit out of you and I'm 5'7 I remember having a conversation with my friends about how short men are always the hottest, some girls really do care about height tho, so to be on the safer side you should probably try to talk to women who are atleast 2 inches shorter than you
>>34469026And just to be clear I do prefer femboyish and slightly feminine men so maybe my opinion is biased
>>34469026>>34469032Yea that makes me feel better but also worse because it confirms my cowardice has limited my romantic life
>>34468980If we're considering going to acting school just go meet chicks we're completely fucked
>>34469082Its over
>>34468373A thing happens where once you get over your fear of approaching you also lose the utility in approaching, so you don't approach much anyway. You approach in spite of your fears. You feel fear because it actually matters to you. So you JUST DO IT anyway, you fuck up, learn your lessons, til you no longer care about doing it anymore, both fear is gone but also the utility of it too, so you're free. You might occasionally approach if something sparks your curiosity, but it happens a lot less frequently, and the fear is gone because you no longer care about/harbour whatever previous neurotic framework you were ensnared in before.
Let us see that face card
>>34468517>as an attractive woman who has been approached by men and I have friends who have been approached by men too, we never make fun of guys unless you are an assholethis isn't true at all, I've been laughed at and gotten a nickname for being interested in popular girls just because of my ethnicity+sound of my voice
>>34469573Probably by other men, or in middle or high school, now we’re all adults, there are no ‘popular girls’ and ‘jocks’ any more retard
>>34469997wrong on each account. it happened at university at the dorm, everyone was adults then, and as full grown adults on Facebook and Instagram everyone still only refers to me by that nickname now still today, both genders. there was one wife of one of my friends who didn't go to school with us and only ever called me by my real name, but even she started calling me the nickname, because the other people in the group don't always remember me if you only mention my real name
>>34468659>This is a good point. But I even would have a problem at a bar for exampleIt still applies though. What reason do you have to talk to the person? Its why things like volunteering are pretty good. You're both there to achieve a common objective, so you have a genuine reason to interact and build rapport. Especially if its a repeating event where you are likely going to see the same people again and again, its very easy to form relationships with them.
>>34468373Something that helped a lot was having friend groups with women in them and getting used to how they communicate with each other. If you knew how to maintain platonic bonds with them then it becomes much easier to shift into compliments and flirting. Unfortunately I only had a group like that while I was in high school and when I already had a girlfriend at the time, so it isn't the most easily applicable advice. Still as I said, get comfortable talking platonically without romantic intent first. Take it one step at a time.
I completely eliminate my fear of appraching women by drinking 4 beers. I still retain my personality and don't become retarded until I drink about 9 beers. Its a lot more effective than trying to do exposure therapy raw. You get the positive reference experiences quicker and suffer a lot less pain getting them.
>>34468373there was a girl in college i liked in one of my classes I barely saw so the one day she was in there I went up to her. She did have a boyfriend already but I was happy I did it
>>34468517Get raped. You literally equalised not being an asshole to being physically attractive. Females make themselves look better by not showing their true colors? No way!Hope that your underage female relatives get molested.
>>34468574They asked for it. Don't be a whore, don't get raped. Simple as.
