How do you ACTUALLY make friends as an adult? I'm 31 and have not any friends for the past decade.People always offer the same hollow platitudes ("be yourself", "just wait", "work on yourself", hobbies), or they assume you're some poorly dressed and ungroomed slob. Or that you haven't tried some incredibly obvious thing that anyone who's desperate for friends would have already tried. When you tell them you that have tried these things, and it didn't work.Anyway, I got bullied and physically assaulted all throughout school, and fighting back only got be in trouble or ostracized further. I had a few "friends", but they didn't live near me, so I never saw them outside of school. And we all went our separate ways afterwards.So how do you ACTUALLY make friends as an adult? No platitudes, no extremely obvious stuff that the person has obviously already tried.All of the "advice" for overcoming loneliness and depression and finding companionship just feels like a never-ending treadmill. It feels like it's not actually designed to help the person, but to keep them busy and distracted.
>>34470772hello, I'm 31 too and I'm in the same situation
>>34470772>So how do you ACTUALLY make friends as an adult? You go to things you are interested in, mingle with people and then you see them again and again, building rapport with them, and then suddenly you are doing stuff outside of the place you met them. Its really that simple.
>>34470780That's not really a thing anymore. I go to things I'm interested in and it's always completely different set of people there. No regulars.
>>34470780>You go to things you are interested in, mingle with people and then you see them again and againI guess I should elaborate, but like say you go to small Jazz shows. You are likely to see the same few people in the scene. You simply just interact with them. Either they fuck with you and will initiate conversations with you in the future when you are still going to the jazz shows, or they will ignore your existence. The more you see them, the more rapport you build and then the more likely they are to invite you to something else, or accept an invite to something else.
>>34470784>That's not really a thing anymoreIt genuinely is a thing young(ish) people still do lmao
>>34470786>young(ish) so it's over for people over 30?
>>34470785I don't know a single person who made friends going to music shows alone. That's something people do with friends they already have. Going alone is just a waste of money.
>>34470787Its not really over per se. You are likely just in the wrong places for your age range. My mum regularly makes friends at the race course (horse racing). Shes pushing 70. I'm late 20s and I regularly make new friends. My older brother is mid 30s and he regularly makes new friends. Humans are social creatures lol
>>34470793>I don't know a single person who made friends going to music shows alone>Going alone is just a waste of moneyIf you support your local scene and are earnestly engaging with people, you will make friends. If you are only going to shows of big artists every now and then you very likely won't. The local scene is a community. Some scenes are more toxic than others though.
>>34470794where you and you brother make friends? when I tried there was a lot of 18yo guys, I had 0 in common with them, I felt like a alien
>>34470807My brother makes friends through friends more or less.I make friends through gigs, sports and my other friends events.Sports is quite a good one, especially team sports, as you have to interact with people to be a good team. However, I play badminton, and you just make friends by playing against the same people often and then next thing you know you make friends with their random friend they bring along one time and then they keep coming and next thing you know you they have another friend who comes who is a day drinker so now you have drinking buddies on a Saturday.
>>34470813Generally if you can truly befriend one extroverted person, you will meet heaps of people through them and likely befriend at least some of them over the span of years.
>>34470813cool, I have interest in outdoor stuff, but I always feel that everyone only cares about internet stuff so I would not find anyone to befriend. maybe I'm too poisoned by the internet after years of isolation
Same predicament, but also currently jobless & broke. But once I have work & some money again I plan to hit the gym, hit some bars & join the local archery club. Always had an interest in that, so might as well pursue a fun hobby & maybe meet people. Would report back on success but thread will probs be gone by then.
>>34470772It all starts with "Hi."Saying Hi to someone does not make them your best friend. It makes them an acquaintance. In fact, "acquaintance" can be defined as "someone you know well enough to say Hi to."Collect enough acquaintances and your life is already better (All that saying Hi is actually quite pleasant). And, just naturally, some of them will evolve into stop-and-chat level. And some of THEM will evolve into arrange-to-meet-up friends. And THEN one or two of them might become best friends.
