>>34475593
>Also, when it comes to the autism stuff, how do you explain it in a way that doesn't make you seem weak? I basically want to say "I am autistic and struggle with some things but I always put my best foot forward." But I don't know how to word that in a way that isn't weird.

Autism isn't an indicator of weakness, at least not to those who actually know about the disorder. Autists are living life on the electric chair, sensory discomfort just for existing. If people had to walk a mile in your shit, they'd have given up. But autists are persistent as fuck and that implies strength. Which some people admire.

Just don't use the word autism if you're self conscious. "ASD" is what you say. And if they ask what that is, tell them "Neurodevelopmental condition. I have an overactive nervous system." And none of it is a lie. You tell them "So this gave me socio-cognitive problems, meant I took a while learning P's and Q's growing up. (Ps and Q's is another way to say social tact, manners, social observations)."

You tell them "So if I seem slow to reciprocate in convos or seem checked out emotionally, it's because my nervous system is distracting my feelings. Means there's a delay but I always follow through."

>>34475620
>>34475593
>Continued
>I try to look at my friends and see what I am missing and the only conclusion I have is that they have some sort of spark that I don't.

I know the name of that spark, "spontaneity". Autists lack spontaneity, and the autist often wrongfully interprets the average person's needs for spontaneity as being a need for the other person to be "confident" or "interesting".

And this isn't true. Because autists, to people who get close with them, we know that they're already interesting and they're already confident in lots of different areas of life, only social interaction being their least confident area.
But it's not the lack of social confidence that autists are hindered by. It's the lack of spontaneity. Spontaneity is the ability to deliberately break routines, expectations, patterns, and to act on impulse or on a whim. And autists don't operate like that due to their requirements for routine and repetition to help them self soothe their sensory issues.

And people generally want spontaneity in the dating phase, they want surprises and sudden gestures and random outbursts of passion or verbal affirmation because then it makes the other person feel that your emotions for them are genuine and real. Because it shows you couldn't help how you felt you just had to say the thing or do the thing (gesture of romance) and that tells them your feelings are real and it makes them feel secure or flattered around you.

I don't know why is non-autists are like that OP, but we are. Normies also feel if something is forced, linear, scripted or or premeditated (and autists always premeditate their speech in dates) then it must be fake, non genuine, or potentially carrying an ulterior motive.
That's why normies react either with boredom or suspicion.

In my opinion, autists show greater care and genuine affection when all is said and done. Premeditation means they put effort and care into the entire thing.

>>34475672
>Lastly
But unfortunately the the way modern dating is, they don't appreciate premeditated autistic style of affection, the long term and consistent and steady kind of love. They are hooked to spontaneity, of massive social highs, instant gratifications, and convenient social exploits.

And the worst place anyone can go to, autists especially, is dating culture. Dating apps and dating websites and any social venue that promises quick and fast slipstreams into dating is built for spontaneity, built for convenience, built for quick gratification. If an autist goes into it, they will never find any success. Because it's not meant for him.

But you can still get a girlfriend, still get a fiancé, still get a wife, and your own family and your own successful love life. And you can skip the dating scene entirely and still get there. That's what I and many others have done. I've had 5 girlfriends and a wife OP, and I have never once been on a single "date" (in the meeting people for a date to figure out if you wanna keep dating). Never done it in my life. Because it's a waste of time.

You can simply just socialize with a girl who you meet in a non romantic and non sexual context and just hang out, conversation for the sake of conversation and after a week or two just ask her to be your girlfriend and you can skip the whole thing.

>>34475620
>>34475672
>>34475708
Thank you. This has really helped me. I really struggled with handling the more romantic aspects of life. I use to feel that my struggle was... something I just had to get over or white knuckle my way through it. When I actually was dating the woman I got my first kiss from, she would frequently change the time of the dates from afternoon to evening. Sometimes even the location. I would just say yes even though the sudden swap was agonizing for me. Especially because I would have already looked at the driving route to the location, checked for how crowded the place may be at a given time etc. I enjoyed her company and her changing the time of date didn't seem malicious but she had no idea how much agony it caused me. I didn't want to seem not "spontaneous" so I went along with it. Thinking back, I would come home after the dates absolutely obliterated. I am surprised I was able to hold up. I really liked her too but I don't think I would have been able to last dating her.

Anyway, thank you for the advice and clarity. I feel better now. I use to hate my way of thinking and I have been working to leave that thought process behind.

>>34476241
>Anyway, thank you for the advice and clarity. I feel better now. I use to hate my way of thinking and I have been working to leave that thought process behind.

No problem brother. Avoid the dating scene, yeah? It's driven by solely by spontaneity and it sabotages autists a lot. It sabotages them so much that I have (I shit you not) witnessed an autistic male go on a date with an autistic female and they both are masking as normies and both of them are fooled by their respective acts, and both get exhausted, and both socially withdraw and then both think to themselves "they're ghosting me. I am a boring fuck up."

It's so crazy it's almost funny, in a tragic way. Your goal as someone with that disorder should be this: Do not try to fit into this world. It was not meant for you. But that is okay, fuck the world. Just find parts of the world you like and make it fit into (you) instead. That means find people and places that don't just tolerate your way of being, but they outright reward it and cherish it. A part of life where you don't have to mask and perform and exhaust yourself, where you get love and respect precisely because you let yourself breathe. Such people exist who can give that to you, they're out there. You will find them, but they're not on dating apps and websites, so steer clear.

>>34475672
>>34475708
nta but same boat essentially and this resonated a lot. I've got no real issues socializing, people like me and I've never gotten a bad reaction from someone I just started chatting up
>spontaneity
>Normies also feel if something is forced, linear, scripted or or premeditated
This hit the nail on the head, I can hit it off with a girl (or anyone really) get their info and that's pretty much it. I can work with spontaneity for the most part, but after that I feel like just texting them anything is up there with trying to get someone into a blatant pyramid scheme

>>34476739
Yeah I have a hard time with maintaining contact also with a woman. Its not that I don't want to but it is hard for me to reach out and communicate with no real reason. Like "Hows your day?" seems so ass to me but I guess more normal minded people call the person they are dating frequently and talk about... mostly nothing. It confuses me. Not saying its all small talk but I just find it hard to do that because it feels like I am bothering them.

>>34479778
Nta but I bother them on purpose. My successes with women came from not caring if I lose their interest or keep their interest. I'd just speak a lot of shit to them, non sensical retarded shit. I'd pick up the phone and prank call them, I'd call and when they answered I'd ask them
"Is your refrigerator running?"
And they'd pause and be like
"... Uhm I guess???"
Then I'd say
"You fridge is a nigger call the police"
And I'd hang up.

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>>34479800
So this is the power retard maxxing?

>>34479929
>So this is the power retard maxxing?
Yes and I promise you it works. And there's science to back my shit up, the science I have pulled out of my ass, but my asshole is savant. So listen up:

Dopamine, that's all you need to make someone else have in their brain to make them remember you. Just one strong hit of dopamine. And the quickest way to induce that in someone is to be a fucking nutjob. Let's say you walk past 100 people on the street in a 5 minute window. 99 of them said nothing, walked on by. 1 (one) of them though, when they walked by they randomly blurred "I like to drink WARM PISS". For no reason.
When you go home, which if the 100 do you remember? That's right, the fucking lunatic who said stupid shit on a whim.

Now imagine what happens when you choose to go completely retarded when you talk to a woman. She gets fucking hooked is what happens

>>34479778
>Its not that I don't want to but it is hard for me to reach out and communicate with no real reason. Like "Hows your day?" seems so ass to me but I guess more normal minded people call the person they are dating frequently and talk about... mostly nothing. It confuses me. Not saying its all small talk but I just find it hard to do that because it feels like I am bothering them.
Yeah that's literally me kek. Kind of why I checked out of the whole thing, I mean I still try but I have no qualms about it. I typically only talk to my buddy or my friend group and that's it so I've pretty much completely lost the ability to make connections over text lmao