And I've been resenting it for years now. I'll deliberately piss her off in hopes she breaks up, but she never does. Always changes, apologizes, etc. It fucking kills my soul.

The new girl was in threesomes and shit, that was one of the reasons I called it off, but with current mindset, I genuinely don't care. She was a great partner while we were together, fully committed, and I guess I learned past doesn't matter if the present is normal.

So what’s the bigger mistake:

1. letting go of a young loyal girl who truly loves me because I think I can find someone more compatible
or
2. staying because I’m scared, telling myself loyalty is enough, and locking myself into a life I already know I’ve been doubting for years

I already know I’m the nigger here. I’m not asking for validation. I’m asking what the least stupid move is.

I just fucking dread dating, starting over again, meeting people is impossible, especially on my "level" as I work remote and have no contact with the career professionals I "want". Tinder isn't really used here. I'm fucked.

I would also like for comments not the be chudtalk:

"u have a loving tradwife and u want to switch her for an old whore hurr durr"

lets be rational

worst part is I've been spiraling about texting the new girl, to meet up for a coffee
like that will do anything lol, she was polite to me, told me she has a bf, and asked if we could switch timeslots for our dance classes (met her there), just so its not awkward

>28m
Are you sure about that M part because if I didn't know any better I'd say you sound like a girl.
Anyway, if you were a real man you'd know that loyalty is more important than a fun fling however it's clear you don't actually respect this loyal girl and that will lead to resentment because you'll feel locked in with a lesser partner, despite if that's actually true or not.
Your problem is you want to have your cake and eat it too. You already tainted your relationship with loyal girl so burn that bridge and move on.

>>34476223
I have, but she doesn't know of the "cheating"
It's still saveable, just don't know how to force myself to "love" that life

>>34476238
Right, your whole relationship will have a dark secret and you'll be lying to yourself. You can tolerate that for a while but long term that would eventually wear on anyone that isn't a sociopath (which you're not because you're asking for advice). You're basically doing CPR on a corpse and for what? A chick you clearly don't respect?

>>34476254
the cheating doesn't actually bother me honestly
I can live with that and forget it, we were officially on a "break", so I use that to cope. Like, it legit doesn't hurt me.

And its true, I apparently don't respect her, but I am a bitch weighing my options - be honest and let her find a happy life, or settle and accept my situation and try to make best of it.

>>34476262
It's not that you cheated. It's that you cheated and you admit that she isn't really all that up to your standards. You've basically dumped her without the formality and finality. So why spend your life with this person?

>>34476268
did you miss the part where I'm a scared bitch who can't accept being alone, dreads his age and his dating options? That's a big factor I'd say.

>>34476274
You've got other options. You fucked one of them.
Also, age isn't as much of an issue for dudes as it is for chicks.
So what do you want from here? Validation? Reassurance?

>>34476289
I don't know
I believe the new girl option was literally perfect for me, and I'm not finding that again
haven't before, haven't after, really a specific situation there

I badly wanna text her, but I know she has a bf lol, it will be just humiliating

I don't know man

I kind of want to pick the best option and not regret it, but that's not happening

its joever for me

>>34476303
Again, you can't always have your cake and eat it too. Most decisions are double edged swords. Time for you to self reflect and find out what you really want.

>>34476320
I told gf I need time, which is retarded because we've been on breaks before

do I just go nc for 3 months and soul search with therapy?

>>34476332
Idk about the whole no contact thing but soul searching is always a good thing + or - the therapy.
I'm a believer in the idea that a vast majority of people know the correct answer for things like this but they need to discover it/accept it. Soul searching is a great idea.

>>34476197
realistically you are not mature enough for either of them. you wont have either in the end I can guarantee that.

>>34476371
very likely sadly
>>34476351
thanks, I'll look deep inside these days

>>34476197
>She’s 21 now. She’s not “my dream girl” on paper at all - not especially educated, not super intellectual, not financially established, not some career woman

She was also only 19 when you met her dumbass. Your fault for not instilling those values into her and setting her up for the "success" you deem so important. You both sound like idiots, not just her. Blind leading the blind

>>34476303
Didn't you say you were both into threesomes? So go have a threesome with her and her new bf. And go cuck your gf since you don't feel bad about cucking her at all

>>34478503
Oops my maths. I meant 18 lawl. Which would further cement my point

>>34478505
Oh and oops reading comprehension you didn't like the threesomes. Well the opportunity is still there since you don't care abt cucking your gf

>>34478503
I did try to instill it, she just doesn't care about that life, malding faggot

>>34478509
>I did try to instill it, she just doesn't care about that life,
I.e. you tried but failed

>always trying, always willing to change
>Would probably die for me if I asked.
>she just doesn't care about that life
Put your money where you mouth is

>>34478520
nigga she doesn't even have high school
she does nails privately for a living

>>34478520
Anyway it sounds like she's just lathering you in cheap affection then as soon as you tell her to get a job bum or contribute something she makes a million excuses. Maybe she's not as loyal as she makes you think.

>>34478528
And you can scale that up into a profitable business. Or encourage her to get her high school GED or whatever if you think it's so important to have a piece of paper

>>34478544
I think its important to be able to share expenses and have conversations outside of latest tiktok trends and what her neighbors are doing

>>34476197
21 - 3 = 18 oof

For me its the relationship that matters, not the person. Hobbies matter 0.

You wanna be an adult? You don't want chudtalk and want to be rational? Talk about this with her, not 4chan. Only way + you owe her that much.

>>34478586
I did, many times
it boils down to she'll try hard, and she does for the things she can do, but she's not gonna become a stable career woman overnight

I know I'm a POS who wants a completely different woman overnight, but with her personality

It's impossible and I'm ruining her, but I'm too much of a bitch to let her go

Unironically poor girl, I'd kill the dude who tried this with my sister

>>34478546
So work on it and don't expect her to become a millionaire overnight. As for conversations, you have the power to steer lead and teach. You don't have to entertain things you have no interest in. And maybe it's a good thing to be informed on what your locals are doing

>>34478651
dude, she has no high school, barely any ambition, doesn't do gym, and has a foreign passport

this isn't starting from scratch, this has always been dragging something from way down under

I want a women who did her shit and I can just reap the benefits, stupid nigger

Choose compatible.

>>34478617
I dont mean talk to her about general difficulties. I mean sit down with her and tell her everything:

- That you dont feel like she is your future
- That you frequently think about finding someone better
- That you met this girl and kept thinking about her
- That nonetheless you feel that you are wrong and dont wanna hurt her

All this but tastefully, gently, graceously and intelligently approached and worded

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>>34476197
It's your job to mold your GF to be the woman of your dreams. She is loyal and malleable, use those qualities to turn her into your perfect GF. If you can't do that with her, you'll never do it with another hypothetical woman. So stop crying like a faggot and actively shape your future with your current GF.

>>34478765
what if I don't want to play that game? what if I want a complete person like myself with whom I can enjoy life and share expenses? What if I don't wanna be the dad to my gf?

>>34476197
>on/off
>breaks
she fucked other guys bro, how can you live with yourself, cuck?

>>34476197
Everyone thinks being incel is so bad, but then you see sex-havers enjoying experiences like this, and it doesn't seem so bad.

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58 KB JPG

>>34478851
A "complete" woman is just a girl that was shaped by another man. It's not about being her dad, it's about subtly guiding her life, influence her choices and sculpting her to be the best version of herself. It is the ultimate husband job.

>>34476197
does your current girlfriend really love you tho? she is only 21 and probably doesn't have much experience yet. she might only be emotionaly addicted to you and the line between these 2 might be really hard to see. from what you're saying it doesn't seem like she actually gets you. she could just only be obsessed with you and think she's in love + this obsession even strongers when the man is inconsistent (which you probably are, since u aren't sure if you want to be in). something similar happened to me when i was around her age and i thought it's love until i actually fell in love. i would just go no contact with her and find a woman you will actualy appreciate. she will be also fine, she's still too young and a woman

>>34478661
>No high school
So? High school isn't some fucking genius gatekept esoteric knowledge, you can even teach this shit yourself or pop up khan academy or whatever if it matters this much to you

>Barely any ambition
For what?

>Gym
Thought she'd "do absolutely anything" for you, in which maintaining one's bodily health is a pretty bare fucking minimum thing to do (regardless of gym membership)

>Foreign passport
Oh, green card. Cool. Continue equating cheap affection with ulterior motives to undying loyalty, stupid nigger

>>34480053
Also
>want a women who did her shit and I can just reap the benefits
So go find a 45 year old sugar momma you gold diggin' dingus

>>34480062
Also, neckminnit she opens some Vietnamese nail salon and makes more than you

>>34480053
nigger, I'm not american, she's just here without a local passport, she has proper documents
>gold diggin dingus
I make half a mil a year, I expect my woman to be strong as well

>>34480077
If you expect your woman to be strong, then don't give free handouts. Good luck with your own gold digger ig, sugar daddy

>>34478528
who cares? why do you care about your woman’s career? it’s pretty gay that you require a boss bitch

>>34480098
no, its not gay, because I was a retard who threw away my 3 month fling and I figured out I liked that shit

>didn't let me pay by myself on first date
>went out drinking, every other round was on her
>bought me presents when she travelled
>really good title at her job, but was also soft and nice

Smart, good with money, caring. That's it. I don't want to deal with braindead retards anymore. I know what I like.

>>34480103
Cringe. Good luck finding a good woman. A good woman is in her feminine energy and wouldn’t date a greedy guy like you. A man should lead and at least mostly provide. You are just a gay guy. Embarrassing, especially since you’re already 29.

>>34480115
>>>/r9k/

>>34476197
>>34476203
>>34476206
>I’ve doubted this relationship for like 2.5 years straight
You're probably not ready to hear it, but from someone who did this shit, it's a massive red flag.

A long term relationship is basically for life, and it doesn't get easier. If you're on the rocks now after only 2 years, or not so all-in that
>yeah, I think I'm ready to do another 18-40 years with this specific person
you're GIGA-fucked if you stick around.

Most of what you're actually afraid of is needing to start from scratch to get laid again, but the thing to realize is that's not what you're actually choosing between.

what you're ACTUALLY choosing is whether you want to start again NOW, when you've got a fuckton of time to figure your shit out again, and you're younger and hotter and less busy, or in 3 years once you're out of the running for "20-30" both IRL and on apps.

Don't waste those years trying to salvage what you already know to be a shitshow you're very obviously not that enthusiastic about, move on, ESPECIALLY if you've got a good alternative waiting in the wings.

>>34480146
I don't have a backup, if I had my ex from the break I'd jump ship immediately
she has a bf now and asked if we could switch classes, but I'm still gonna ask her out for a coffee lol idgaf anymore

>>34480129
bitch i’m a woman and i’m glad i have a real man that loves me and fucking pays when we are together. You are a loser

>>34480154
>I'm still gonna ask her out for a coffee
Also recommending against this. Fuck the high-minded ethics for a second and just look towards what you want: if you want a serious relationship, being the bull is live by the sword-die by the sword. If she'd cheat on him, she'd cheat on you. It's just when, not if.

If you're hot or rizzed up enough to swing that coffee into something serious, you're more than capable of doing the same with someone new and without fucking over another dude and building a foundation for something more serious on sand.

>>34480154
Break up with your gf now. You are an absolute subhuman for leading her on. She could do much better than you. Pretty sure you are an ugly spiritual dutch guy that never got much attention and is now lucky and now you got a bit too arrogant. Kek

>>34480187
I'm more in the hopes of she's about to leave/left the relationship
I don't expect shit if its solid
>>34480190
kek seethe

OP doesn't want actual advice, he just wants to be told it's okay to break up with his girlfriend.

Here's the thing: you're unhappy, unfaithful, and you're going to waste a lot of time and energy convincing yourself that you're okay with this relationship because she's insecure enough to try to mold herself into whatever you want her to be. What you need to do is break it off and let her find someone who will reciprocate her feelings properly, then you go and find somebody around your age. Also, the relationship is already done the moment you decide to cheat. Flat out. Don't prolong some kids suffering because you're too much of a pussy to do the right thing.

You're also an idiot for expecting someone only a few years removed from high-school to be mature and financially literate enough to work towards her future in a meaningful way.

>>34476197
There are no intelligent women, and if there were, you wouldn't want one. Same goes for women as "adult partners". They're never adults, some are just better at pretending. You are being a nigger.

>>34476206
>"u have a loving tradwife and u want to switch her for an old whore hurr durr"
That is rational you fucking retard

>>34476197
I'm 29 also about to break up with my girlfriend. The thing that did it for me is she wanted to go see the pyramids.
1.) I don't want to go to a country full of subhumans
2.) the pyramids are gay faggot triangles made by retarded niggers
If you have nothing in common with a woman you're with then you're gonna have a hard time to love them.

>>34480216
same shit. You play for a spoken-for woman, she'll take plays while spoken-for with you. If you're just looking to smash, it doesn't matter either way, but you buy where you shop, and you're shopping at the store selling
>women with an outward-focused eye when in a relationship
and you'll get the loyalty common to such women.

>>34476197

24M

I've been in your same exact situation last year. She too was caring, loyal and fun, but I couldn't find any interest we had in common. I decided to break up with my girlfriend after my behavior for being too doubtful about the relationship brought to a conversation that ended up giving her a panic attack. I said to myself "why am I being so childish about this, it's totally my fault, I have to stop daydreaming and all", and right after that I thought "wait, that's a stupid thing, if I want something else and this is making both of us feel bad, then I should just let her go and look for something I really want." I hated myself because I wasn't loving me enough to break up with her.

So I talked with her, we both cried and sometimes we talk as friends now as far as it may last.

It's been ten month now and still I got no bitches. I had a date with another girl, little bit boring, some weeks ago and I didn't call her back because the whole point of this is getting with someone I find interesting. I had three major crushes so far and all the times things went horrendously. Now I'm sad and horny and sometimes think to my ex and all the fun we got together, and then I forcibly remind myself why I made that choice.

But one of the things I really missed of being single is feeling like shit, way better than feeling nothing at all

The likelihood you're switching the genders in your story is 100%.
You are too needlessly verbose, whiney, self centered, and delusional to be a man.
You want a career focused woman yet point out that your settle mate is good with kids? You imply you have a biological clock? You want a more mature and adult partner? Cheating means nothing to you emotionally because you just don't click with your "nice guy" partner? You have a fantasy version of an ideal partner? You obsessively measure your life and harp about lack of novelty? You stay with a partner you don't even like while looking for other options? You think your past doesn't matter? You think compatibility is even a thing between men and women? You're scared to leave a relationship? You think the Internet is your diary? Your primary dating interest is "career professionals"? lol you're a woman

>>34480465
nah I'm actually a guy lol but I also sometimes think I live like a bitch kek

>>34476197
I think its important to take a step back and think about the situation outside of your needs. What you're doing to your current girlfriend is incredibly cruel and unfair to her. She's dedicated to you and loves you and is willing to sacrifice everything to support you but you're only settling for her because of her loyalty. Meanwhile, you're robbing her of any opportunity she has to go out there and date someone who actually wants to be with her.

Imagine this happening to you, OP. You're with a girl for years who you would do anything for and see yourself growing old with only for her to tell you that since the beginning of your relationship she's only been with you because she thinks your loyalty is rare and she's settling for you until she finds something better. Imagine how crushed you would be if the person that meant everything to you basically said that all the time she's been with you she hasn't respected you and only values you for the comfort you provide while she looks around for someone she actually wants.

Fuck what you want, brother. Let this poor girl go so she can move on with her life. You're being selfish to the point of ridiculousness. The upside to this is that it also allows you to do the same thing. Stop being a coward. Make the decision you already know you have to make.

>>34480492
yeah, I know this isn't bueno at all