i'm female and naturally more outgoing/friendly, but I'm starting to feel like I might just be autistic. my problem is that oftentimes I will use a compliment to start conversations with other women when introducing myself or in passing. they aren't weird compliments just standard stuff like "oh I love that purse" or "your nails look amazing, where did you get those done??" and I'd say 40% of the time I get a really cold response. Am I the autistic one? is there something about it that is making me seem insincere? 60% of the time its warmly received and a conversation starts about fashion or something perfectly normal. are compliments no longer standard small talk fare?
>>34482517women are women's worst enemiesmy fiancée has the same issue and she's definitely not autistic. i doubt you're doing anything wrong
40% of women can just not like your vibe or be in the mood to talk at that time. 60% is a great success rate, relax and dont pathologise anyone or be weird abt it
Yk how often im dead cold just bc im exhausted? Even if i like and appreciate other ppls vibes? Dont take it personally. Even if u did fail to deliver it well, it doesnt matter. U are still succeeding. Autistic ppl can still succeed socially. Do u have any other reason to worry abt autism? Maybe ur struggling to take those good first impressions further into friendship
>>34482597I'm friendly but I don't expect to develop friendships necessarily. This is mostly happening to me at work. I suppose on some level it feels like rejection so I double down and wonder if it's a me problem. I try to gas people up and it makes me wonder if it's making me seem like an asskisser. But I genuinely don't know how else to start conversations besides the weather, and I want to avoid gossip as much as possible so I usually land on a compliment.
>>3448251760% is a good success rateas for reasons the 40% respond coldly, a few reasons come to mind>they're tired>they perceive you as a threat (i.e. they think you're prettier than them)>they got weirded out>they aren't used to compliments>they're autistic unless you're like audibly autistic and ugly then the 40% coldness rate isn't on you
>>34482517Instead of complimenting someone you don't know, instead make an observation.Like instead of "I love your shirt", try "You look like you listen to some hardcore metal". It opens up room for a conversation and people love talking about themselves while complimenting usually feels a bit awkward and leads to "yeah, thanks" followed by crickets chirping.
>>34482838I'll try that and see how it goes. I'm sure it'll be awkward at first, but maybe I'll get better at it and it can result in deeper conversations that make me feel more equal to the other conversation member.
>>34482680I don't think I'm overtly autistic but sometimes I don't know. It's hard not to take the little things personally and spiral about it. I guess it's better to spread joy and happiness with a 60% success rate at the risk of looking a little dumb.
