>>34482562
I would have said ooo, scary situation, how easily a woman can ruin a man's life. But then you testified over yourself that people see you as a murderer or shooter throughout your life.
There's a cause to it. You probably conduct yourself in ways that aren't normal but you cannot see it from within your bubble.
Unironically I would recommend going to therapy for this, because they can ask you questions and help you realize what type of actions that you do signal to others that you're a deeply closeted homosexual, I hope I have been helpful.

>>34482562
>acting with saccharine mirth spurred by intense, roadkill like fear.
What the fuck is bro on about? Maybe this is why people are scared, what's wrong with you?

>>34482562
You sound like a psycho. Who chokes a stranger in their car during a make out session? That's for like, being in a well-established relationship after having a conversation about doing it safely. No wonder you got socially BTFO'd.

>>34482622
Its actually bukowskis ghost

>>34482639
Ignore accidental OP name, I am definitely not ladykiller OP

>>34482613
You're correct. I have gone to therapy for years at a time, but my therapists have never truly confronted me on anything. It angers me because it always seems to boil down to an elaborate ritual to keep me as a client and thus a problem. I know that something is deeply wrong with me, I just don't know yet if it is unfix-ably wrong.

>>34482669
maybe they're worried you'll strangle them if you hear something you don't like. get a male psychologist, not a therapist.

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>>34482562
>I choked her mid make out
is this something you do often? why did you do it? did you read on /adv that women like it rough, or is this your favorite porn kink?

>few days later she texted her friends that I was aggressive
actions and consequences. forces and opposing forces. crime and punishment. chaos and law...

rest of the post you kinda just whine at unfair universe, which is not important.

now elaborate OP, why did you choke her? what did you expect to happen afterwards? are you aware of sadism? do you think you like causing pain, or is this more about domination aspect?

>>34482679
That is probably the best option to glean what is actually wrong with me. However, after seeing how psychiatric treatment completely deprived both my mother and grandfather of both their freedom and ability to function, I am weary of going that route at my young age.

>>34482699
Psychiatry refers to medical treatment with medications, psychology is everything but. Visiting a psychologist gives you access to clinical insight and therapeutic care without medication. You have the right to reject medication. If they refer you to a medical doctor you can decline and express your desire to remain unmedicated.

>>34482562
Maybe if you didn't go around strangling women, they wouldn't be scared of you?

>>34482735
Oh wow, I didn't understand the difference. Is the confidentiality clause identical to those found in therapy and counseling? I would like to avoid hospitalization and the treatments associated with it at all costs.

>>34482747
This

>>34482562
Anon what was going through your mind when you decided to start strangling someone you just met?

>>34482562
Try not to choke women. That'll be $400.

>>34482562
>I choked her mid make out and a few days later she texted her friends that I was aggressive, said friends proceeded to doxx me. My socials got deleted due to mass reporting.
Okay, 98% chance this is a bait thread, but just in case it's not, here's an honest question for you, OP: what part of this did you find surprising?

She told people that you were aggressive because you WERE aggressive. In the middle of kissing a stranger you put your hands round her neck and choked her. She probably thought at the time that you were trying to murder her. She would have been terrified. I expect she did everything she could to try and calm the situation down before you turned violent again. Once you were out of the car and she was safe, she told people what had happened, and they very reasonably reacted by telling everyone they knew "Don't get into a car with this guy; he might try to kill you."

You're acting like you think you haven't done anything wrong, or as if you don't understand why she was upset. Do you really not understand why she reacted the way she did?

If not, that makes me wonder if you are in the habit of being violent towards other women as well, but not perceiving what you do as being violence, and then wondering why they perceive you as a violent person. Most likely it's because you ARE a violent person. If you stopped being violent, maybe people would stop perceiving you that way?

>>34482753
Yes. It's the same throughout healthcare. They can't do anything unless you are actively harming or planning to harm yourself or someone else.

>>34482562
>I choked her mid make out
You either go all the way with the choking or don't bother.

>>34482669
>. I have gone to therapy for years at a time, but my therapists have never truly confronted me on anything.
It's not their job to confront you. If you want to talk about something, it's your job to bring it up.

>>34482753
>I would like to avoid hospitalization
Putting someone in psychiatric hospital against their will is really quite rare. It can only be done if you are considered an imminent threat either to your own safety or someone else's.

Mind you, if you admit that you go around randomly strangling people and you can't see anything wrong with this, that might be enough for you to be considered dangerous.

>>34483051
>>34482687
Obviously none of it is surprising when laid out like this.
I just don't know what to do with the fact that something is deeply wrong with me, and that I am so outside the norms of human interaction that only friends and family that remain have never checked me on anything. I mean, I must be a pretty horrible guy if the only thing that gets me down about the situation is the societal shame, and not the pain and fear I cause to everyone intimate with me, romantic or not.
It feels as though once people pass a certain threshold of getting to know me, they are either completely trusting or completely repulsed. People either (literally!) trust me with their life or write me off entirely. Perhaps I am not deserving of such a thing, but I am at a loss on how to a develop well adjusted behavior in these circumstances.

>>34483326
>I am at a loss on how to a develop well adjusted behavior in these circumstances.
Not strangling people might be a good start! Why don't you answer the other anon's question: at the point that you decided to put your hands around a stranger's neck and choke her, what was going though your mind? Why did you think it was a reasonable thing to do? Or, to turn it around, why can't you simply stop doing things like that?

>>34483428
I guess I didn't explain it because it feels like justification.
But to say what was going through my mind was that she had been escalating and following me all night, asked me to be more and more intimate until she was on top of me and asked me to tilt the seat back. Once she was on top of me she began aggressively dry humping me, and I bolted up into a choke hold to match that. Later on she asked me to choke her again, but it was probably out of fear in retrospect.
You're right that there is nothing stopping me from being normal, it is just that so often I do something that I consider benign and get a completely outsized reaction. Perhaps it is a component of another mental illness.

>>34483500
Why would she ask you to choke her out of fear? I think you might be using mental gymnastics to be a bit hard on yourself. Some self-doubt is healthy so as not to become a narcissist but it's ok to be objective in regards to your own intent. In a social context, actions speak louder that words but a group of people intentionally doxxing you is more evil than missing a social cue and choking someone because you thought they'd be into it. Just don't do it again :)

>>34483646
>it's ok to be objective in regards to your own intent.
No it isn't. If he'd killed her, the fact that he didn't intend to wouldn't make it okay. And the fact that he wasn't deliberately trying to murder her doesn't mean she wasn't genuinely in fear for her life at the moment he put his hands round her throat and began strangling her.

>>34483688
It's not ok to be objective?

>>34483500
>Once she was on top of me she began aggressively dry humping me, and I bolted up into a choke hold to match that.
It's a bit difficult to know where to start with this. Possibly the first thing to say is, you should never, ever choke anyone, under any circumstances at all, because it's extremely dangerous. Have a read of this to understand how: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jul/07/no-safe-way-risks-of-choking-during-sex

I'm kind of into kink, and I've known many people who are much more into it than I am, and even the ones who are into really extreme forms of sadomasochism never mess with choking; it's simply too dangerous.

Second thing to say is that if you're going to do something to a woman which is potentially dangerous and which looks exactly like you are trying to murder her, then at the very least you should never, ever *surprise* her with it. If you're going to attempt extreme BDSM practices like this, you need to have a conversation about it first. And not in the middle of sex, either: have a conversation about it when you're not having sex and everyone is calm. Ask her if she would enjoy it, and if you get anything other than an enthusiastic "yes", don't do it.

Bearing the above in mind, the next question is: how on earth is it possible that you thought that strangling her was a reasonable response to her dry-humping you? How could an idea that insane ever have got into your head?
(to be continued)

>>34483774
(continued)
Fourth, you say this:
>it is just that so often I do something that I consider benign and get a completely outsized reaction
Based on this example, that simply isn't true. You didn't get a "completely outsized reaction", you got a completely reasonable, rational, proportionate reaction to you trying to strangle a woman in her car.

So, the question now is: is it really the case that you do genuinely harmless things and people overreact? Or is it actually the case that you are doing genuinely threatening, frightening things, and people's reactions are completely reasonable? If you are rather autistic, I can imagine that you might not understand why some of the things you do are perceived as threatening; but it's also possible that this perception is completely reasonable to a normal person, and it is merely your autism that is preventing you from seeing what is obvious to anyone else - namely, that you are behaving in an overtly menacing, threatening way without realising it.

If this is what is happening, then the solution is simple: stop doing what you're doing. And you need to accept that the fact that you don't see anything wrong with your actions doesn't make them okay. If the way you behave frightens people, you need to stop behaving that way: how you make people feel is much more important than what your intentions are.

If the issue is that you don't actually understand what it is that you're doing that scares people, then you need to ask. This would be a good question for a therapist: "Please can you help me understand how the way I behave might frighten people so that I can stop doing it?" But you're not going to get anywhere so long as you keep acting like you haven't done anything wrong. You have done something wrong, and you need to figure out what is is and stop doing it. And a good place to start would be: never, ever strangle anyone again.

>>34483729
>It's not ok to be objective?
It's not okay to claim that his intentions are the only thing that mattered in that situation. If she had a reasonable belief that he was trying to kill her, then the fact that he wasn't actually trying to kill her is almost irrelevant. What matters is that he behaved in a way that any reasonable person would interpret as threatening; the fact that, in his mind, it wasn't intended that way, really doesn't matter.

>>34483795
Yeah, I agree with that but that's not what I was responding to. There was a bit more nuance to the whole sentence about being objective than claiming intentions are the only thing that mattered, which I did not do. Why would she ask him to choke her again if she was scared? Yes, OP has made a grave error in judgement but I think giving yourself a hard time can be a slippery slope to be in a very dark place if you have nobody in your corner.

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people have commonly called me a psycho, i can empathize

there is something that i hope you can find comfort in:

rabbi says that those with the greatest evil inclinations have the greatest potential for righteousness

i may be wrong, but i think this is because you have seen the consequences of your wickedness firsthand. someone who is of mediocre and common evil, generally good and well-programmed people -- these people have no real fear of God and no respect for righteousness because they have not been baptized in the filth of their own consequences such as you have

with a panther's eye, you can better protect the flock from panthers
with a tiger's hunger, you can empathize and feel it when there is another tiger in your presence
with a lion's teeth, you can fight off a skulking hyena

similarly, you can use these senses and predilections to guide you as to which opportunities it is righteous to deny yourself

perhaps you can't be trusted with a wayward woman
perhaps you should walk unarmed
perhaps you should take a sabbath instead of being a demon of the night on fridays

someone of common evil would never think that he can't be trusted with a wayward woman, so he may fall into traps that your wizened eyes won't

someone of regular malice might brandish his rightfully owned weapon and bring trouble upon himself because he doesn't know that weapons activate and magnetize predators

someone of average propensities may trust that everyone around them is the same, and take a roofied drink on the night out on the town or otherwise not take the proper care for not having experienced the hell of other people

to change yourself is simple and exceedingly difficult and also rewarding

you must simply do the right thing, no matter what you feel. if you can't make your own moral and ethic code, or if you believe that you can and still your life feels so prickly and unlucky, i would recommend starting out as a righteous noahide.

>>34482562
>This woman negged me at a show all night, invited me to her car and asked me to make out. I choked her mid make out and a few days later she texted her friends that I was aggressive, said friends proceeded to doxx me.
What an absolute bitch.

>>34483779
I appreciate the kind words and timely advice from everyone, but this response most aptly describes my condition. I've planned a trip to a psychologist to help regulate my behavior, and through that I hope to surround myself with friends that posses better morals and standards. Again, thank you all.

>>34483903
>Why would she ask him to choke her again if she was scared?
Because she was scared and she thought he wanted it. She would have been doing everything she possibly could to do whatever he wanted rather than risk him getting angry and hitting her.

>>34486262
That doesn't make any sense at all and is a complete stretch of logic though. Do you think it's possible that this cunt is just manipulative?

>>34482613
Shut up bitch
>>34482562
For everyone to be saying shit like that you must be doing something no? Like wtf are you doing nigga, for people to be saying shit like that. Something is clearly not adding up.
>>34482669
Nigga how do you behave, what are your actions like and why are you doing what you are doing because your actions are what define you and what make people say what the say see what's up and why

>>34482613
Sorry bro I didn't read your post thoroughly, you are NOT a bitch.
>>34487522

>>34487456
Not him but the intent is self preservation and trying to please so things don't escalate further, it makes perfect sense.

>>34487456
>Do you think it's possible that this cunt is just manipulative?
No. She was terrified, and desperate not to be seriously injured or killed.