How could I stop being angry/disappointed in other people? I just feel that I'm chronically upset by the actions of others, or even just the way people are. I don't feel that I can truly enjoy the company of other people because I will just be hurt by them or my reactions to what they do or don't do. It really takes any potential fun there could be out of socializing because I'm totally loss-averse. I basically take it as a guarantee that I'm going to be upset in some way by the end.Now I've been told that I should lower my standards, but I also don't want to do that. I want to continue to hold people to the standard that I do, just without being as upset by them not meeting it.
>>34483199You're a narcissist and until you realize that and self reflect that you are just as flawed as the next person you will always be disappointed.
>>34483225No, I'm aware that I'm a narcissist and that I have flaws.
>>34483227There's a difference between being aware and realizing it.
>>34483240So what are you suggesting I do exactly?
>>34483245So firstly I don't believe you realize you're a narcissist. The entire framing of this thread is "the whole world is the problem, not me." Your flaws are probably something lame like, "I expect too much" and "i work too hard" and other self fellating non-flaws that people say during job interviews.Really, narcissism is very hard to fix becuase you don't believe you need to be fixed because you already see yourself as superior. You're gonna need to break out of your comfort zone and actually self-reflect on yourself critically.One thing is you can realize you turn people away becuase the truth is likely that you fucking suck but you set up some arbitrary high standard and adjust it as needed and when people are put off by you you can just cope and go "well they weren't good enough anyway." Fox and grapes scenario.
>>34483277I mean I think it's okay to think that others are a problem. What I'm acknowledging is I have a problem I want to fix, which is how I feel about that.I'm also aware and willing to admit that I am a total failure socially. I geuninely struggle to see myself as having any social skills and I'm surprised when people tell me that I do. And again, it doesn't mean that I consider myself better. I don't really know what social skills ARE, or why I would want them.
>>34483199Stop having expectations, and stop viewing relationships in terms of what they bring to you. Your sole concern with relationships should be about what you can do for others. If that has you asking yourself "but then what good do they do me?", then you aren't currently ready for friendships of any kind. You have no place among your fellow man until you've learned how to love your fellow man.
>>34483299I am actually okay with not having friendships. I don't believe I've ever had any friends, and I'm not sure if it's possible for me. At this point my criteria for successful social interactions is mostly about not getting hurt.
>>34483303It's possible for anyone, because it doesn't rely on having traits. It only depends on removing traits. Somebody who removes selfishness, conceit, pride, lust and greed from himself will naturally begin to feel charitable towards others, because charity and love are the natural state, whereas selfish passions are just temporary and unnatural obstructions.Learning how to stop being hurt is a great first step, though, because the moment you realize that you have nothing to fear from other people is the moment that you can begin thinking of them compassionately. For now, I'd suggest focusing on self-reliance. Get yourself to a point where you don't need, expect or desire anything from anyone. Their opinions shouldn't matter to you. Their behavior shouldn't matter to you. It should all be as if you're dwelling in the clouds and they're down on earth. Meditate on how little influence they have over you every day, and learn how to be happy in complete solitude, and then maybe after that someday you'll see a reason to want to share that happiness with others.
